Summer Cleaning

Psalm 51:1-13
Have mercy on me, God, in your goodness; in your abundant compassion blot out my offense.
Wash away all my guilt; from my sin cleanse me.
For I know my offense; my sin is always before me.

Against you alone have I sinned; I have done such evil in your sight That you are just in your sentence, blameless when you condemn.

True, I was born guilty, a sinner, even as my mother conceived me.
Still, you insist on sincerity of heart; in my inmost being teach me wisdom.
Cleanse me with hyssop, that I may be pure; wash me, make me whiter than snow.

Let me hear sounds of joy and gladness; let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
Turn away your face from my sins; blot out all my guilt.

A clean heart create for me, God; renew in me a steadfast spirit.
Do not drive me from your presence, nor take from me your holy spirit.
Restore my joy in your salvation; sustain in me a willing spirit.



I was reading this psalm this morning before beginning my day at work- and I was reminded how vividly God calls each of us to our relationship with one another and with God. Right relationship is a major theme in the Old Testament. The Israelites struggled with their relationship with God over and over. I have been struggling in the last couple of months in my relationship with God. I had moved away from thinking of my relationship with God as I would any other relationship. My relationships take time, investment, curiosity, generosity, kindness, and selflessness. God asks all of this and more every day. Some day’s I can be the person God is asking of me, some day’s I fall short. Most often, I find myself somewhere in between.

I spent the first part of my week with a man who is amazing to me. I am reminded over and over when I am in his presence what a treat it is to be in right relationship with others. I see God in his eyes, the compassion, tenderness and genuine concern that he shows to others is wonderful, but also a treat to receive. Through our conversations we discussed the very intimate nature of right relationships, and Psalm 51 was a refrain that was playing over and over in my mind. What a gift.

What are the gifts of right relationship that you find in your life today?
Is there a person who exhibits right relationship to you?

I am still here, and almost getting ready to begin my new posting....

Reflection...

I wrote this reflection to share at our Thursday morning prayer. Due to a mix-up someone else preached. I had already prepared this reflection and figured I would post it on the blog anyways.

Matthew 7:1-8
1 "Stop judging, that you may not be judged.
2 For as you judge, so will you be judged, and the measure with which you measure will be measured out to you. 3 Why do you notice the splinter in your brother's eye, but do not perceive the wooden beam in your own eye? 4 How can you say to your brother, 'Let me remove that splinter from your eye,' while the wooden beam is in your eye? 5 You hypocrite, remove the wooden beam from your eye first; then you will see clearly to remove the splinter from your brother's eye. 6 "Do not give what is holy to dogs, or throw your pearls before swine, lest they trample them underfoot, and turn and tear you to pieces. 7 "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks, receives; and the one who seeks, finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.


As has happened in many of my relationships with others, since I have been attending school at St. John’s I have become the unofficial spokesperson for all things Catholic and theological. Any time a statement is issued I am able to guarantee an influx of calls from family and friends wanting me to explain certain aspects of the statement. Questions are a good thing- they are beneficial to our development and understanding of humanity. The hard part is figuring out what the answer is. But it seems to me that the easiest way to answer questions about theology is to direct the questioner to a book that will provide one argument for one point of the question. I really don’t like this, in fact I readily state, “The last thing I need is one more book to read!” (please take note that I am a book-a-phile!)

I was taken aback with how a conversation progressed. It was in the middle of a conversation on Sunday with one of my best friends and he was asking me some questions about Catholicism. As a former Catholic himself he knew how to spin certain parts of the Catholic tradition to make it ridiculous to make his point. (Please remember that I have no problem pointing out what I find ridiculous-but Josh can take this to a new level!) In order to make my point, I uttered some words that I don’t know I would have said three years ago. I said, “Josh, there is a great book that you should read!”. His response was to say in exasperation, “Why is it that whenever I ask you a question you always tell me to read a book?” Well, what a rude awakening!
Talk about needing to remove a forest from my eyes!!!!

This is one of the most difficult parts of the Christian message for me. The daily living- or calling out to attend to my own struggles is hardest for me. I am not perfect and readily recognize this fact- but I do like to think that I am aware of my statements!

The last two verses about knocking, asking, receiving have never really struck me as Lenten verses. But as I continued to meditate on this scripture- I began to wonder what would happen to people who claim to be Christians if they asked for the courage to be honest with themselves? That is really the claim in the reading- we need to be honest about how we are, how we interact with others- and not just the people that we know- or those that build us up. We need to be honest enough to be with those that we find challenging, those that don’t always build us up-or those that we struggle to build up.

walking...

The white is startling right now. I spent the morning and early afternoon at a retreat, and it got up to 40 today so I decided to spend some time outside. I was an absolutely gorgeous day!!! I wanted to make sure that I walked on the lake- Lake Sagatagan at some point this winter. I ventured out there for the first time first semester of the 2007. My friend Laura went with me. This year my friend Natalie went. We had a great time. It was amazing to venture out across the lake, to walk where just four to five months ago I had swam in the crisp cool refreshing water.

There is a good thick ice right now. But, we couldn’t really get a clear view of the ice except for where the ice fishers had been. There is so much snow over every inch of the lake. It is gorgeous.

We walked across the lake to the Chapel of Stella Maris. One picture show the chapel, and the other is of the main stain glass window. It is a hidden treasure. During the other three months, it is a good trek (not really a walk, but less intense than a hike) through the dense forest to get to the chapel.

The retreat focused on the idea that we are ministers in transition. We (those who atteneded) are getting ready to graduate with our degrees, and hoping to go out and face the world, the depth of looking for ministry in many different avenues and hoping to embody the message of Christ and his justice.

stuck in a rut...

This picture exemplifies for me the lived reality of ruts in minnesota- out of snow!!! i took the picture last winter when a friend and I decided to walk across the frozen lake- I will be doing that again tomorrow!

I have generally been fascinated by the definitions or meanings that we give out to words. Rut is a word that I have been thinking about for several days- I am in a bit of a rut right now. But, when I think about rut, I tend to think about a ditch, or some such location- on the side of the road… it is not typical for me to associate a rut with my current life. Yet, here I am.

In doing my own reflection I recognize how very inept I am at appreciating the gifts that I have in my life currently, what I recognize as true movement, and how to embrace such existence. I was reading a journal in which a man was describing his conversation with a friend. His friend was deliberately living off the grid- not making enough money to pay taxes and other such things. He greatly opposed war and so made the decision that the money he would have spent on taxes would then go to peace keeping efforts throughout the world. He viewed this as vocation! His friend who was writing the article asked him how he felt when he would notice that none of his efforts would make a difference. It seemed like a waste- he had been living this way for 20+ years. His response to his friend was that he was not called to critique the movement, but to be authentic to his call. Well, for those that now me, that was enough to stop me in my tracks.

How have I been authentic to my call? What have I done that is consistent with who I am and what I want to do in my life? As I near graduation, I truly find myself curious about which direction my life will take. And yet, having read this blurb in the journal- I wonder if it really matters so long as I am authentic to my call, to my vocation- to who I am as a woman, engaged in matters of this world! What do I need to do to ensure that all is going to be done to motivate myself away from the rut of complacency and into the life of movement.

Catching up....

The picture was taken when my good friend came to visit. I am feeling very nostalgic for my friendships right now. I am so very aware that I am not alone, and have never been alone in my life. There have been times when I have felt lonely, but never alone! The picture strikes me as beautiful because there is a sense for me of community within the picture- there is the knowledge of shared laughter, companionship and a given understanding of shared identity!

I know that it has been some time since I posted on my blog…it started out as unintentional initially- just the realities of a hectic schedule this last semester. This semester started out with a bang- or rather a crash! I totaled my car in mid January and am still dealing with all that it entails. Anyways- I have been meaning to get back into the habit of my blog writing since the semester began!

I have often wondered why it seems that the things in my life- the busy “ness” seems to control and take over the things that I enjoy. Is there a reason why I put off writing? I don’t feel “gifted” at my writing. There are natural writers- those to whom the written word just bounds from with grace and ease. I feel like the klutzy wannabe sometime. Yet, despite those insecurities, I recognize a more balanced life when I do write. There is a benefit to me writing and sharing-the benefit is purely I confess for me! The outlet is as therapeutic as running till I am out of breath (or so I would guess!)

I am anticipating a more balanced semester that will naturally lead me into better practices for the coming reality of entering life in the world again. I know that I have some friends who cringe when I say this- because academia is not removed from the world- rather it is a part of it. Yet, there are realities about my life at the SOT that are far removed from the life I had be fore uprooting my existence and moving almost 1000 miles away from my home. I get a big loan check every semester in which I budget and live off of for the rest of the semester. I do not work full time for a paid position- rather I study full time and work very part time for a bit of money each month. My fun looks differently today than it has in the past.

I must also consider the friendships that I have made and maintained in my three years in Minnesota. The reality that there are so many people in my daily life who spend the time getting to know me, visiting with me on a daily basis reminds me that there is so much to give thanks for. When I consider what I have to be thankful for and what I need to remember is gift- my friendships are never far from my mind. I don’t think that I will be in a place in my life again when I will be able to devote so much time to friends, prayer, liturgy, and reading!

I have come to firmly plant myself within the liturgical makeup of the church year. I await with great excitement the seasons of Lent, Advent, Pentecost and other such wonderful celebrations each year. There is a balance in the seasoned approach and understanding of who I am as a person within the liturgy and the season of the year.

Needless to say, this is a year that I will be noting with grateful language and heart what I have been given- a good mind, a useful body, a compassionate heart… I will continue to post about twice a week! Your responses are much appreciated- and feel free to challenge my thinking!

Peace to all!

My Life...

This picutre was taken November 21, 2008- It is from outside Ebenezer Baptist Church in Atlanta- it is the crypt of Martin Luther King Jr. and his wife Coretta Scott King. A holy site indeed.
It has been quite some time since I last posted on my blog. It has never been too far from my mind however. As I was going through the life of the semester- I kept acknowledging at least to myself that there were many things that happened that I wanted to share in this forum. Here is a run-down:
• New job at the Diocese of St. Cloud in the Global Missions Office- I am really enjoying my time there, and it is beneficial to see how such an office would run- should I ever go to a Diocese that would like to start a program like this- it would be great to have such a background established!
• I attended the 19th Annual School of the Americas peace vigil and protest. This was by far one of the most incredible experiences of my life! It will become an annual event for me-until the facility is closed permanently! (This will be expounded on in greater detail in a later post)
• 4 classes at School this semester: Fundamental Moral Theology- I learned so much about the church structure in this class- we were required to read Humanae Vitaea and Donum Vitaea, and while I read them both- I knew I didn’t like them- or at least agree with them, but I can at least engage the reasons why I don’t care for these documents now! Christology has been the most straining course for me this semester- Sacraments and Worship has been fantastic! I have really enjoyed the learning- and Homiletics was a good class for learning to preach in all kinds of different settings!
• I have a paper that was accepted at NALM (National Association for Lay Ministers). This is really an exciting endeavor for me to be a part of!
• I have really enjoyed my (limited) time with friends and family! My courses kept me much busier than first anticipated so as a result my time was certainly more strained than what I would prefer.
• I was able to meet Don Sailers (renowned musician, theologian, and instructor from Emory University [retired])

The semester was definitely busy for me in general. I am working again on the editorial staff of Obsculta- the SOT student journal. I have been working as well on Alum group for IWJ (the internship from the summer) called SILC. I also have been trying to take part in as many of the liturgies on campus as I can attend for the simple reason that I LOVE the liturgical presence found at St. John’s. I am trying to take part, soak up as much as I can!

We are enjoying the first blizzard of the winter right now- I have been for the most part locked up in the house since yesterday at about 2:30. I did go and study at a friends house this evening- but while I love D- it was studying- so not really my idea of a good time! I finish up with classes this week, and anticipate such a smoother semester next spring! I will be posting more often and working diligently to establish some great boundaries and habits before graduation and going back into the work force.

I would like to leave you with a quote that is on my computer screen that I find such pleasure reading everyday! It serves as such a good reminder to me!
"Hope is one of my favorite emotions because of its humility.
It's not like gladness or joy which stick around just for the good stuff.
Hope is my heart's missionary.
It humbly seeks fear and shame and hurt and befriends them.
Hope enters the very dustiest parts of my heart,
clears out the cobwebs,
and whispers of the promise of eternal perfection. "
--Maggie Lindley