Abraham Joshua Heschel

Prayer depends not only upon us but also upon the will and grace of God. Sometimes we stand before a wall. It is very high. We cannot scale it. It is hard to break through it, but even knocking our heads against the wall is full of meaning. Ultimately, there is only one way of gaining certainty of the realness of any reality, and that is by knocking our heads against the wall. Then we discover there is something real outside the mind.

I had so many goals in place for my 40 days of Lent. I was going to be “praying” more- and I really mean praying- didn’t even make it a day…I was going to be working to deny myself some of my favorite beverages- that fell at about the 14 day mark…what is the deal? Why when I was little was I so able to sustain the fast of Lent and this time as an adult- when I have the ability to regulate myself do I suck? Fail? Wither in comparison?

I was recently telling a new friend that I crave the discipline of the liturgy, but I think that is the only place- and really, “crave” might be a bit strong, though the liturgy is what keeps me going to mass- when I go…daily or weekly-its because the liturgy is so thought out and deliberate.

Prayer can be ambiguous and nostalgic at times. Ambiguous that during my grad school years, my prayer was in the form of my studies. I would read such deep though provoking word, that it became my prayer. Lectio Divina was often employed to read certain texts and passages. I would constantly seek out new and challenging ways to engage the texts- but always I knew that what I was doing was prayer. I have not made this leap to my new life, the life away from school.

I spent Monday glorying in the beauty of the cherry blossoms at the basin of the Washington Monumet and the Jefferson Memorial. It was a gorgeous and beautiful day. I spent the morning walking around by myself, listening to my ipod, in my own little world looking at the blossoms, looking around and seeing the living history story of a nation that seems to be in more trouble these days than out of trouble. What was glorious though was the way that people were still engaged, wanting to see what was the gift of spring. The whole morning was a prayer of walking, contemplation, wonderment and startling observations.