Authentic Madness

It is no secret to those who know me that I am a bit of a fan of Jane Austen, her writing, her characters, and her stories have always delighted me. One of my favorite characters is Fanny Price from the novel Mansfield Park. Whenever Fanny is facing a difficult choice or point that requires contemplation (in the movie) she will often say,

“Run mad as often as you choose, but do not faint.”

I was watching the movie again this weekend and heard this comment in a different way than I had previously. “Mad” in this setting—for my interpretation means crazy- not committed. There can be a frantic tone to the atmosphere, but “mad” is a great Austenian term that reflects the craziness of life in general.

My life seems to every once in awhile act “mad” on its own accord, and I have no choice but to be “mad” within my own response to life. Some madness encourages destructive forces, while others encourages a range of emotions that I would die without. Madness is how I sometimes know that I am alive-breathing- a part of the greater universe. Madness encourages desires for what I know I want- companionship, love, friendship, wine, conversation, laughter. It also shows me what I may not always want- the feelings that are a part of the human experience that are painful-tears, sorrow, jealousy, insecurity, lust, depression.

Interestingly enough, we as humans can go through a day experiencing a range of these emotions in one day. Some people may shy away from such “erratic” ranges, I on the other hand look to my feelings to show me that I am still here on this planet and engaged in my surroundings. These feelings, the emotions serve as a reminder that I am here. Having dealt with my own depression- I know that when I don’t feel is when I am in trouble. Feeling is what senses energy for me. I exercise when I am upset- or ecstatic. (Since my ankle is healing this has been happening with greater frequency!!) I eat when I am by myself enjoying my own company but also when I share intimate moments with a friend, or a group of friends.

But remember- don’t stop-DO NOT faint! There is much in life when enough pause is given, that it can seem overwhelming and destructive-intimidating. Do not faint- Keep going! My father is fond of pointing out that “If you are going through hell, keep going. You might get out before the devil even knows you were there.” I think that was made into a country song a couple of years ago. Or as my mother would say, “Honey, keep your head up!” (What can I say, my parents are the best!- wise, generous, honest, loving and a bit mad in their own way!!)

So, run mad- be mad-be alive, BE!

Make your own stories!

Don’t stop! DO NOT faint!

Have faith!

Express your living in ways that reflect your heart!