is it simply complex? or just simple?

“There is a way to know if God is near us or far away: everyone who is concerned about the hungry, about the naked, about the poor, about the disappeared, about the tortured, about the prisoner, about all the flesh that is suffering, will find God near…” Oscar Romero

Advent is a liturgical season that has always carried significant weight for me since I was a little girl. Every night we- my family would gather around our advent wreath, placed on a 1920’s antique radio. We would say our prayers to God, acknowledging that we were waiting and anticipating the birth of Jesus. I grew up hearing about the “root of Jesse” or “the shoot of Jesse”. After prayers we would get a children’s book that told the Old Testament story of the day highlighting the Israelites story as they journey with YHWh attempting to live in right relationship. I remember that the names were really hard and ridiculous sometimes. My favorites though were the story of Ruth and Naomi and Queen Esther.

I wonder if Archbishop Romero was able to identify with the Israelites when he would see the plight of the men, women and children that he led? They were the “original” naked, hungry, poor and tortured. One of the most incredible points of Romero’s life (I am NOT in any way or shape an expert but have a vague familiarity with him) was that he was considered a non-threat by the church, he was complacent with his place. He was going to be just a quiet bishop eating in his rectory, sipping his wine and attending right parties with right patrons. Yet, he allowed himself to stray and become a part of the story of the shoot of Jesse for today.

His passion for people is what led to his murder. He decided that it was necessary to step outside his comfort zone and challenge the status quo. He did the same things that the Israelites had done for centuries trying to establish and reestablish right relationship with YHWH. Did he know that he was a leader? Obviously he didn’t do all of his work for the notoriety that he has since received.

I sometimes wonder if it is that simple. To just serve and not wonder about the daily toils that come with living in the world. The Israelites had bills. The men and women of El Salvador have bills and face deeper consequences than I will probably ever know in my life- but is it really just as simple as doing the right thing? I know the answer is a bit ridiculous-but really?...

Is it simple enough for me to want to live as Ruth and Naomi did- to live in community and follow one another and trust the rightness of someone else’s vision? Is it simple enough to be able to stand up to evil people who want to harm my brothers and sisters as Queen Esther did? These are complicated and complex questions- but aren’t they also simple? Is that how we find that God is near?

my yoke is heavy...

The picture is one of my favs from my time in Phoenix. My friends are off to the side while I was chattin' with Bill. The guy at the next table thought I was a freak- but I was more than ok with that. I miss you all!!!!


I have had an interesting week to say the least- and it is only Wednesday. I know it has been a drastic amount of time since I have written consistently. I find it starteling sometimes how much I need to function out of a sense of order. I spent the last weekend cleaning the apartment I am living in and the apartment I will be moving all my stuff to after Christmas. It was a cleaning to rival every Dickens novel, except I was not a twelve year old orphan. Yet, the apartment is clean, sparse and mine! (and Molly’s too- she is my housemate).

The week started out with a clash of symbols bringing about a pause of forgiveness. With that finished, my week kinda opened up. I went shopping for some things for the apartment with a friend and I decided I needed a hands-free plug for phone (as I now don’t have a car, it makes sense to finally purchase one). While we were in the store looking for one a woman approached me as I was selecting the cheapest option to buy and said she would give me one. I was taken aback for several reasons. We were shopping in an area of DC not known for its welcoming nature or hospitality. Now, I am not saying that it isn’t there- I have had nice times and welcoming times in West Hyattsville, but I had never had a woman approach me to give me an item. She went to her car and came back with the hands free unit. I looked at my friend A. and he just kinda shrugged his shoulder with a “sketch” look on his face.

When we got back to the car we both kinda processed what that was about. Was it a woman just being friendly? Trying to share what she had? A woman embodying the reality of living in and helping others with their needs. There is a saying- I can’t remember who, but it states, if you have two coats, you have stolen from your poor brother or sister. Was she attempting to live out this call? In turn, I had to process why I couldn’t just accept this gift from this woman who was being nice. There was such deep hesitation and resistance in taking this gift- freely given. I have no problem giving gifts to those that I deem need them- need me! Yet, I suffer from the idea that someone would want to help me?

I wonder if this is what Jesus was talking about in the gospel for today. He tells us to take his yoke- the burden is easier because he will bear it with us. Was the woman at the store bearing some of my burden? Was I bearing hers?

Resolution

"you repent not by feeling bad but by thinking differently" ~Rudy Wiebe

It is the second week of Advent- my favorite season- liturgically and weather wise. This is the time of the year when the snow is supposed to blanket the earth, to wrap the land in a shawl of white. There is something holy in being surrounded and protected by such a cold element.

Advent is a time in which reconciliation doesn't get much play- but I think (and many would agree) that reconciliation plays an incredible part in the spirit and movement of the season. On my walk to work this morning I was recalling a time when I was in college and one of my best friends had hurt me and I had called him out. He apologized in a very sincere manner, and then very abruptly he clapped his hands together and cried out, "Let the healing begin!!" Needless to say it was not this big pivotal healing moment that I expected once he had made such an announcement.

On my walk I was thinking about how it is so much easier to be patient when external "owies" are being healed. We know not to pick at the scab. We know that there needs to be a balance of air and moisture to promote the right amount of protection on the scab. But when the hurt is internal it is much harder to gauge about how to allow the healing to take place. It is a delicate process. Not enough care leaves a person brittle, easily broken and unyielding. Too much care leaves a person a puddle of goo.

This is one of the profound measures we can find in this season of Advent. There is a need for honest reflection on hurts and misunderstandings, there is time to closeup wounds left open, there is a need to allow mends to be made.

Call it what you want, resolution, healing, reconciliation- I call it holy.

Peace and patience to you.

Scriptures....

2 Corinthians 5:17
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have past away; behold, all things have become new.”

I am staying the weekend two blocks from my apartment, at a Franciscan Monastery. In the room there is a really corny picture with this scripture below. I was getting ready this morning and read it, and it kept coming back to me through my day. I was spending time at breakfast, visiting with people and moving through my day and enjoying my evening with this quote racing through my head. I began to examine all of the new creations my life has taken on in the last five years. I have moved several times to ensure a better placement in my life for me, ongoing formation, and made several friends whom I would call close.

There are times when I am terrified of new- but as in all things, my Mom would call it my impulsive nature- I jump in, and then make the most of the situation I am in. This has served me in the past to an extent, and continues to be a general operating mode. Sometimes I think I make the most of these decisions when others are still processing, and I proceed forward to embrace what I believe is my call and people are still hopping aboard the Mougey express. What has changed my process recently is my own discernment process. Regardless of my extroverted nature- I process interiorly rather quickly, frame my thoughts with others to gauge the authenticity of God’s call in my life.

What does it mean to be a new creation founded in Christ? Christ suffered and died for all. Our own old life is sent away and redeemed through our life and dedication to all that is new. Life continues to move forward into a new existence. Relationships change and take on new meaning when the old understandings are put behind they are challenged to become new. There is a balance that much be achieved. Obviously balance is an idea or ideal that I continue to incorporate in my daily life, sometimes I do better than others.

I believe that this seeking of balance is one of the main reasons I have been attracted to Benedictine spirituality through my life. There is always a need for me to understand the yin and yang of life, of crossing lines that are terrifying, of embracing gifts when they are truly free. I think that there is a lot for me to continue to explore about balance, but there are moments of pure delight when I think I may see it beyond the horizon. Those are the days when I recognize the new creation of Christ within me. Old past hurts and decisions are abated and tenderness of an all embracing God surround me and challenge me to love and live in authenticity.

I am able to keep the promise I made to myself last year. I will be traveling to Fort Benning Georgia again this year to take part in the 20th annual SOA vigil. I will be able to meet new friends and those dear to me at this vigil- though my one sadness is that my brother will not be there as he is currently stationed abroad. I will be praying for him, all who are currently serving in any military and for peace. It will continue to be a deliberate endeavor on my part.

Dynamics...

What happens when relationships change? What happens when dynamics and new ideas replace older more staid understandings of life? These are just some of the questions I am wrestling with right now. Having moved such a significant distance away from people I love and have grown to know in very specific ways I wonder what implications that leaves for our own ways of interacting with others. Does it make us braver? Does it ensure that we approach new aspects the same old way? I don’t know that I have the answers to any of these questions aso much as I am still wringing them around in my head.

Even with all the changes in the last four months, my constant has been to always be engaged and moving in a reality of transformation. What that transformation will look like, I don’t know, but I do know that I am called to be open. I am called to respond, it is my yes that I must attend to. It is with that in mind that I am so excited to go to the 20th annual SOA Vigil. For those who know me, it is a significant part of my understanding of peace, involvement and transformation. I hope to see my friends there.

Catholicism at its Best:

I was at the Roosevelt Memorial and was struck by how moving these words were, and how they are able to resonate even today!
The life of a Catholic person who is attempting to be deliberate, who is attempting to be peaceful is sometimes tricky. Yet, that is what it means to be Catholic- right- to be based in a universal mindset- to be able to engage the "both/and" to move beyond an "either/or" mind set. That is the trick

I went to an event here in DC at one of the Catholic Worker houses with my new good friends, Molly and her beau Tobias (both very lovely people). We were watching the new documentary Rethink Afghanistan. It was a good movie, which had a good premise and had filmed some intense footage and made some good points in the movie. I found a couple of the points troubling however. Let me share them now…
• While I do believe that President Obama has made some campaign promises, I do believe that it would be prudent to allow the man some time to attend to some of the promises he made. In this video the producers seemed to be blaming President Obama for the fact that the US is currently involved in a war in the Middle East. What I find disturbing is that the US has been involved in this war for the last 7-8 years. I would venture to say that it was the agenda of the previous administration that took the US into a war mentality and promoted an agenda of war.
• There was also a person who took part in the discussion whom I found to be violently non-violent. This person’s voice trembled with anger when they spoke, there was such an edge of bitterness and an absolutist tone of finality in speech. I really began to wonder about the ability to compromise. This is a tricky spot I know- I am not pro-war, I do not believe in violence in any shape and try so very hard not to live a life in which reflects this strong stance. Sometimes I fail and sometimes I succeed. What I do find imperatives though, is the need to ensure that there is always room for dialogue. I find that this best takes place when a person is open and has an ability to bring about informed discussion (I struggle with that piece as well).
So, with those points in mind I could not help but to think about a man whom I know very well. We lived together or 18 years who is currently stationed in Iraq. I do not believe that he is misguided, I do not believe that he is trying to harm people. I believe that he is doing what he thinks is best to be of service to men and women and children in this world. Do I agree with his methodology-no, but I appreciate his determination to be of service. Happy birthday Joel- I love you!a

ReFeshing and ReFurbishing

My time in DC has been filled with much for me to contemplate. With a month gone- I have been a bit overwhelmed, nervous, upset, and somewhat happy. Overall I forgot that I was in the midst of huge upheaval and transition. I was overwhelmed by all of these “things” these emotions and thought I was going crazy to an extent. Things were not/ are not perfect like they were in Minnesota. I had friends there that I had solid relationships with. I was able to be outside when it was dark and not be nervous that I was by myself. I didn’t have to worry about whether I had locked the door in St. Joe- much less double lock the doors. There is much to adjust to, and I need to remember to allow myself the time to adjust as necessary.


This last weekend for me was amazing! I was able to participate in a retreat that was focusing on the integration of mind, body, and the spirit-which for those who don’t know was the focus of my integration seminar. There were four presentations throughout the weekend, in addition to time to spend by myself, outside, in solitude and also with some of the other retreat participants. It was great! The director of the retreat works at the same place that I do, and after the retreat he took me to the Billy Goat Trail which is a trail that follows the Potomac River. We walked on the Maryland side of the river. It was glorious- outside of the fact that my ankle started to bother me. The pictures are from my trip with Tom on the trail- as he said in the email- it is a bit hard to believe that it was only half an hour from D.C.


I remembered several things during my retreat. I remembered that I love to walk- whether it is around a neighborhood, or on a track. So now, after work I am going to try to walk every day for an hour. It will allow for some sustained exercise in addition to great outdoor activity while keeping me away from digital cable. I also remembered how much I love to write- poetry-journaling- notetaking- anything that requires that I put pen to paper. It is a beautiful and creative expression that I enjoy fully!


My work is starting to take off. I am getting ready to go on the road- I will be speaking to a parish in Pennsylvania in October. I am hoping that will give me some of the pastoral work I need to be involved with, be it outreach or sacramental prep. Most of my work is administrative, but I am looking forward to the time when I will be able to be as creative as I can be and find the work as fulfilling as I would like it to be.