stuck in a rut...

This picture exemplifies for me the lived reality of ruts in minnesota- out of snow!!! i took the picture last winter when a friend and I decided to walk across the frozen lake- I will be doing that again tomorrow!

I have generally been fascinated by the definitions or meanings that we give out to words. Rut is a word that I have been thinking about for several days- I am in a bit of a rut right now. But, when I think about rut, I tend to think about a ditch, or some such location- on the side of the road… it is not typical for me to associate a rut with my current life. Yet, here I am.

In doing my own reflection I recognize how very inept I am at appreciating the gifts that I have in my life currently, what I recognize as true movement, and how to embrace such existence. I was reading a journal in which a man was describing his conversation with a friend. His friend was deliberately living off the grid- not making enough money to pay taxes and other such things. He greatly opposed war and so made the decision that the money he would have spent on taxes would then go to peace keeping efforts throughout the world. He viewed this as vocation! His friend who was writing the article asked him how he felt when he would notice that none of his efforts would make a difference. It seemed like a waste- he had been living this way for 20+ years. His response to his friend was that he was not called to critique the movement, but to be authentic to his call. Well, for those that now me, that was enough to stop me in my tracks.

How have I been authentic to my call? What have I done that is consistent with who I am and what I want to do in my life? As I near graduation, I truly find myself curious about which direction my life will take. And yet, having read this blurb in the journal- I wonder if it really matters so long as I am authentic to my call, to my vocation- to who I am as a woman, engaged in matters of this world! What do I need to do to ensure that all is going to be done to motivate myself away from the rut of complacency and into the life of movement.