My Life...

This picutre was taken November 21, 2008- It is from outside Ebenezer Baptist Church in Atlanta- it is the crypt of Martin Luther King Jr. and his wife Coretta Scott King. A holy site indeed.
It has been quite some time since I last posted on my blog. It has never been too far from my mind however. As I was going through the life of the semester- I kept acknowledging at least to myself that there were many things that happened that I wanted to share in this forum. Here is a run-down:
• New job at the Diocese of St. Cloud in the Global Missions Office- I am really enjoying my time there, and it is beneficial to see how such an office would run- should I ever go to a Diocese that would like to start a program like this- it would be great to have such a background established!
• I attended the 19th Annual School of the Americas peace vigil and protest. This was by far one of the most incredible experiences of my life! It will become an annual event for me-until the facility is closed permanently! (This will be expounded on in greater detail in a later post)
• 4 classes at School this semester: Fundamental Moral Theology- I learned so much about the church structure in this class- we were required to read Humanae Vitaea and Donum Vitaea, and while I read them both- I knew I didn’t like them- or at least agree with them, but I can at least engage the reasons why I don’t care for these documents now! Christology has been the most straining course for me this semester- Sacraments and Worship has been fantastic! I have really enjoyed the learning- and Homiletics was a good class for learning to preach in all kinds of different settings!
• I have a paper that was accepted at NALM (National Association for Lay Ministers). This is really an exciting endeavor for me to be a part of!
• I have really enjoyed my (limited) time with friends and family! My courses kept me much busier than first anticipated so as a result my time was certainly more strained than what I would prefer.
• I was able to meet Don Sailers (renowned musician, theologian, and instructor from Emory University [retired])

The semester was definitely busy for me in general. I am working again on the editorial staff of Obsculta- the SOT student journal. I have been working as well on Alum group for IWJ (the internship from the summer) called SILC. I also have been trying to take part in as many of the liturgies on campus as I can attend for the simple reason that I LOVE the liturgical presence found at St. John’s. I am trying to take part, soak up as much as I can!

We are enjoying the first blizzard of the winter right now- I have been for the most part locked up in the house since yesterday at about 2:30. I did go and study at a friends house this evening- but while I love D- it was studying- so not really my idea of a good time! I finish up with classes this week, and anticipate such a smoother semester next spring! I will be posting more often and working diligently to establish some great boundaries and habits before graduation and going back into the work force.

I would like to leave you with a quote that is on my computer screen that I find such pleasure reading everyday! It serves as such a good reminder to me!
"Hope is one of my favorite emotions because of its humility.
It's not like gladness or joy which stick around just for the good stuff.
Hope is my heart's missionary.
It humbly seeks fear and shame and hurt and befriends them.
Hope enters the very dustiest parts of my heart,
clears out the cobwebs,
and whispers of the promise of eternal perfection. "
--Maggie Lindley

Crossing the Lines of Life...

A couple of years ago- about 6- I began a long and heated, passionate affair with the music of Mr. Johnny Cash. There is something very primal and very affecting about his lyrics, his voice and his music. The listener has the notion that we are glimpsing the tortured soul of this fantastic musician. His song, "Walk the Line" is singing constantly in my ears and in my soul these days.

I am getting ready in this next week to attend the 19th annual peace vigil to close the School of the Americas housed in Fort Benning, Georgia. My trip there will be a bit of a climax in the sense that I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to go until about three weeks ago. Through the gifts and generosity of others, I am able to go and participate in this action. I am looking forward to the opportunity to gather in prayer, and civil engagement.

There is the issue of “crossing the line” once I am there. I do not anticipate doing this at this point in my life. The punishment for doing this action is to be arrested (which I have no problem with) face up to 6 months in jail, and pay a fine up to $5000.00. What I find fascinating about this movement, is that there is real encouragement of discernment for those who wish to consider this action. There are lawyers on site to speak with those people who wish to consider such an action. I was watching movies about these actions in the last 19 years, and saw families who participated in these actions together- I found such commitment to be wonderful!

How does this have anything to do with me? The people that are targeted by the graduates of the SOA once they are back in their own countries are labor organizers, religious men and women and those who speak out on behalf of the poor. The senseless killing that happens in these countries is striking to me. For more information see www.soaw.org also, for those who would be concerned about a biased opinion, I would encourage you to find other sources that would present another side of the discussion.

I ask for continued prayers, and pray-ers to remember those who will be at Georgia seeking peace. I find that as life goes on, there are all kinds of lines that we are to cross. We are surrounded by lines that require a yes or nor answer- not so much a both/and approach to life, but a bit more polarizing.

The Reality of Daily Living:

So, it has been some time since my last post. There have been several new things springing up in my day-to-day existence that I would love to share. As most people know we as a country elected a new president- Mr. Barack Obama. Mr. Obama will be our 44th president, and first African-American. I never really thought too much about how much race played into life in America. I suppose that fits into the reality of being white in America. After my summer in Phoenix it is something that I have not really stopped thinking about. My relationship with my identity as a white woman is not something I have spent much time thinking about in the past. Today, there seems to be much to consider and think about.

Another aspect of my life has found some momentum again. In the middle of October I was asked to participate in a rally back in Phoenix, but couldn’t go. The discernment that went with the decision was incredibly intense. I came to some realizations as a result. I recognize my need to be in deliberate solidarity with others in the world. I also recognize my need to participate in rallies or peace vigils. Participation in such events was not commonplace in my upbringing, but I have decided to make it a necessary reality in my adult life. I will be attending the 19th Annual Peace Vigil at the School of Americas in Fort Benning, Ga. I am very excited about attending this vigil. I think it will also prove to be a fruitful experience.

While these two aspects of my current life are bursting with reflection and attention, my studies have been a bit different. It is interesting to be in the last year of my studies and to feel an apathy that has not been a part of the work EVER! (at least since I began this program). I guess this just means that it is a good thing that I am not going to be a student for much longer. This is not to say that I will never set foot in a classroom again as a student, but that I am ready for the break that will come after this latest taste of academia.

Alienation

This is the midday reflection I gave at prayer on the 15th. I have included the scripture it is in reference to.
Peace!!

October 21, 2008
Tuesday, Twenty-ninth week in Ordinary Time
Reading 1
Brothers and sisters:
 You were at that time without Christ,
 alienated from the community of Israel
 and strangers to the covenants of promise,
 without hope and without God in the world.
 But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off
 have become near by the Blood of Christ.

 For he is our peace, he made both one 
and broke down the dividing wall of enmity, through his Flesh, 
abolishing the law with its commandments and legal claims,
 that he might create in himself one new person in place of the two,
 thus establishing peace,
 and might reconcile both with God,
 in one Body, through the cross,
 putting that enmity to death by it.
 He came and preached peace to you who were far off
 and peace to those who were near,
 for through him we both have access in one Spirit to the Father.

 So then you are no longer strangers and sojourners,
 but you are fellow citizens with the holy ones
 and members of the household of God, 
built upon the foundation of the Apostles and prophets,
 with Christ Jesus himself as the capstone.
 Through him the whole structure is held together 
and grows into a temple sacred in the Lord;
 in him you also are being built together
 into a dwelling place of God in the Spirit.


Do you have any powerful memories of something that happened when you were in kindergarten? Chances are, if you do, they will be of moments when you were very happy, very sad, very loved, or very frightened, or as St. Paul said in our reading today, moments when you felt far off or felt very near. Here's one of my kindergarten moments I was walking home from kindergarten one particular day when it was very, VERY windy. I remember clutching the door to an area business when all of a sudden it swung open! There was a big barreling man towering over me. I remember being a bit starteled, so I looked at the really ugly green carpet. He said, “I know who you are, I will take you home. Let’s go.” I couldn’t think of anything to say, but I just knew that my tummy was rolling for some reason. He drove me home in a really ugly brown car. I ran into the house to find my mom vacuuming the carpet and telling me to pack because us girls were going to stay with our grandparents that weekend. Tonight was supposed to be fun! I was going to be with Grandma and Grandpa Mougey- there would be great food- TV and really exciting games like kings in a corner, and Chinese Checkers! This was a guaranteed good time! I paused for a moment, and knew that if I told my mom I took a ride with a stranger, I would be in trouble, so I decided not to.
When it was time for dinner, we all sat down: the three girls and my grandparents. Scrambled egg sandwiches. I was going to be sick. My tummy ache from the car ride never went away. Grandpa told me to go and lie on the couch and rest for a bit. So I did, he came out and asked me what was wrong. I began to cry and told him that I had done something wrong, something that I knew I wasn’t supposed to do, but had done it anyways! I took a ride with a stranger.

Since that night in Kindergarten, I have had other experiences in my life in which I have felt really bad. I had done something wrong. As an adult, I call this alienation. Alienation comes to people in a variety of ways. For me, it came in this story when I did something that I knew was wrong, and continued by not telling my mom when I came home. Some people are challenged to stand up for what they believe in and are alienated for their strong convictions. Some people experience alienation from others by distance or inability to communicate. The main ingredient of alienation though is isolation- being separated. We can choose to continue on this path to alienation by focusing in unhealthy ways on those times in our lives when we have distanced ourselves from God’s loving embrace, and from those who embody God’s loving embrace in our daily lives.
Alienation brings up other points of concern. Alienation, while involving a central character generally brings others into grief. It is in this way that alienation is also communal. We reject those around us; we are so immersed in our own personal challenges that we forget to look at those around us who are on this journey as well. Paul calls them the “Holy Ones”. The immersion that one succumbs to in alienation is an issue of safety. We do not go out on long journeys by ourselves with out at least telling someone. It is not safe. Why would we question the road to God as being a singular experience, a journey for one? In alienating ourselves from places we belong, we sound an alarm to those around us. It is this alarm that encourages Paul to write his epistle to the Ephesians.

Paul reminds the Ephesians that we are separated right now- but there is desire to be unified with one another in our communities and with the relational, Triune God Paul glorifies in the reading. We are to create our selves anew, and to replace our older, torn versions of self. Have we done this? Have we mended our hearts from the bitterness that can creep into our lives from disappointment? Have we looked to those around us and offered help? Have we asked for help? What this will look like is different for every one. For some it is a bag of M&M’s, for others it is a call from a family member who shared some disappointing news. Regardless of what form mending comes from, it brings about relief or its own peace.
But it is not always as easy or simple as M&Ms or a phone call. Paul is encouraging the Ephesians to remember that through their (and our) belief in Jesus, and Jesus’ relationship with the other members of the Trinity, we can truly begin to understand the impact of relationships. Peace comes in relationships when encounter Christ in and with each other. There is a potential for relief in the sharing of pains and false expectations, hurts and sadness. But the wandering comes to an end- our journey finds a more distinct path. The fog isn’t so dense. We continue on our way to constant conversion and transformation, "moving in the same direction that we are, holy ones who can "bring us near when we feel far off because our relationship with them brings us to peace."

So what does peace look like when alienation has been left behind on a journey?
For me, at 6 it began with my Grandpa holding me telling me he was glad I was safe! Peace continued when my mother wrapped her arms around me and hugged me so tight the next night. How to be safe, how we can be brought beyond alienation when others embrace us with the peace of Christ is how we walk with “holy ones” on our journey.

Forgiveness...

Forgiveness…what does this mean? What does this call forth? Why is it so damn hard?
The more that I have forgiven, and the more I have sought forgiveness from others- (one outweighs the others) the more I have been stumped by forgiveness. I had an ah-ha moment about a month ago on retreat in which I came to understand that true forgiveness is not a moment, but rather a continual process.
What happens when I have to forgive my church? Should it be perfect and therefore not in need of my forgiveness as a representative of the community? Should I be seeking forgiveness for thinking thoughts that are not always charitable to my church? If the church is the “Bride of Christ” (a phrase that I more often than not cringe when I hear), shouldn’t she know better than to treat people the way she does? Is it enough to know that it is not the church- but the agents that are acting through the community that are in need of my forgiveness?
I asked a woman once why she stays as a contributing member of the church which continually finds ways to limit her contributions, the contributions of gay/lesbian to name a couple. Her answer was, “ It is in my makeup-it’s a part of me-its who I am.” Ok- I can identify with that. I certainly feel that way as well, but I wonder about circumstances when the body rejects certain parts of its make up. What happens when a bone gets broken and has to be pinned or set- or even removed? Is the church like that as well? Is there a way to remove the church then? Or what if it is like an immune deficiency disease where the body will attack itself at a chromosomal level? What is the recourse for such predicaments?
How do I continue to live an authentic existence and contribute in ways that are real when I face such a struggle in my identity as a Catholic woman? There is so much beauty and tragedy that faces the church on any given day. Maybe that is why there is such a need for forgiveness.
Peace.

Authentic Madness

It is no secret to those who know me that I am a bit of a fan of Jane Austen, her writing, her characters, and her stories have always delighted me. One of my favorite characters is Fanny Price from the novel Mansfield Park. Whenever Fanny is facing a difficult choice or point that requires contemplation (in the movie) she will often say,

“Run mad as often as you choose, but do not faint.”

I was watching the movie again this weekend and heard this comment in a different way than I had previously. “Mad” in this setting—for my interpretation means crazy- not committed. There can be a frantic tone to the atmosphere, but “mad” is a great Austenian term that reflects the craziness of life in general.

My life seems to every once in awhile act “mad” on its own accord, and I have no choice but to be “mad” within my own response to life. Some madness encourages destructive forces, while others encourages a range of emotions that I would die without. Madness is how I sometimes know that I am alive-breathing- a part of the greater universe. Madness encourages desires for what I know I want- companionship, love, friendship, wine, conversation, laughter. It also shows me what I may not always want- the feelings that are a part of the human experience that are painful-tears, sorrow, jealousy, insecurity, lust, depression.

Interestingly enough, we as humans can go through a day experiencing a range of these emotions in one day. Some people may shy away from such “erratic” ranges, I on the other hand look to my feelings to show me that I am still here on this planet and engaged in my surroundings. These feelings, the emotions serve as a reminder that I am here. Having dealt with my own depression- I know that when I don’t feel is when I am in trouble. Feeling is what senses energy for me. I exercise when I am upset- or ecstatic. (Since my ankle is healing this has been happening with greater frequency!!) I eat when I am by myself enjoying my own company but also when I share intimate moments with a friend, or a group of friends.

But remember- don’t stop-DO NOT faint! There is much in life when enough pause is given, that it can seem overwhelming and destructive-intimidating. Do not faint- Keep going! My father is fond of pointing out that “If you are going through hell, keep going. You might get out before the devil even knows you were there.” I think that was made into a country song a couple of years ago. Or as my mother would say, “Honey, keep your head up!” (What can I say, my parents are the best!- wise, generous, honest, loving and a bit mad in their own way!!)

So, run mad- be mad-be alive, BE!

Make your own stories!

Don’t stop! DO NOT faint!

Have faith!

Express your living in ways that reflect your heart!

Words of Wisdom

I had the pleasure of listening to Dr. Wangari Maathia- the 2004 Nobel Peace Prize Recipient. She was awarded the Dignitas Humanea award- the highest honor from Saint John’s School of Theology•Seminary. There were many wise words that she imparted to the crowd- and yet I will highlight just a few.

“Most great people fall on untrodden ground.”

Our scriptures tell many of such stories, of men and women who continually fall. Whether their fall is due to their own inconsistencies, or if their fall is at the hand of another-nonetheless great people fall. But, the point of Dr. Maathai’s words is that the place where we fall is just as important. The untrodden ground also has a bearing in our scriptures. The sower throws seeds in many directions- some could even venture that it would be untrodden ground. This prompts reflection- “What kind of ground am I walking on? Am I forging a path that is unique to my experience?” Now, having questioned, I must put some disclaimer’s into the reflection. I do not mean to imply that my path will be unique- but rather, is it unique to my understanding? The other disclaimer- uniqueness should not imply a movement outside of the base of a community. Community should be at the heart of one’s experience.

“I did not go into the nunnery, but what you see is the nun in me.”

The next quote was one that I held close. When I decided to pursue ministry in parish settings- and then to go onto graduate school many people who knew me were not surprised. A question that I was asked often was “Do you plan to join a monastery or convent?” or “Have you thought about a vocation to the Religious life?”
When Dr. Maathai spoke these lines, I felt my heart skip a beat. There is such a tendency in my tradition that when a woman expresses an interest in matters of theology there is a knee jerk reaction to put her into a convent. That is not to diminish the kind words that others expressed to me. What comes to mind however, it that in order to really know myself is the fact that I do wrestle with that question on several levels. When Dr. Maathai articulated that sentiment, I felt my world come together in a manner of speaking. Such words seemed to validate the conclusions I have drawn about my own vocation and the journey I have been on as a result.

The finished result is one which reminds me of the need to pray. Maybe there should be a continued movement to pray not for vocations to the religious life or priesthood, but for clarity of direction in the lives of those who are choosing to deliberate the direction of their lives.

The Lord is my Shepherd...

The Lord really is my shepherd. I believe this with my whole being. But (did you see that one coming? Yeah, me too!), I know that I am not a very good sheep. This post is not about how much of an individual I am, and ways that I can continue to be an individual within a community.

Rather, I was on retreat this last weekend. I went with two wonderful women, L and D (incidentally, I am G). We were lucky enough- graced, blessed enough to go to a cabin on the North Shore of Lake Superior about 20 miles from Duluth, MN. I took a book with me, The Way of the Heart- By Henri Nouwen. It was wonderful! The book focuses on the wisdom of the Desert Fathers and how these ancient minds approached a life of Christianity within their own modern societies. Fr. Nouwen finds three separate ways to begin this process, Solitude, Silence and Prayer.

Solitude-well, I am not very good at this, but this section of the book made me call into account a previous retreat experience. I went on a silent retreat last summer. I left after two days, instead of staying for my expected 4. I left for several reasons, most of which I related to my personal health. I was sick- and I had been struck with a couple of severe headaches. As I am not much of a pill popper it speaks to the severity of the situation that I would have been relived to have taken some Advil! Fr. Nouwen through the book spoke about the need to give into these moments. When there is not a phone to answer, a computer to tap, tap, tap away on, or an iPod to listen to- when there is just my thoughts, and myself it is no wonder that the rushing silence was deafening! So now the question I have to pose to myself is, can I do the retreat again, fully giving over to the drama of the moments, the silence, and accept the hard work that comes from a personal/private retreat?

The third section of the book was on prayer. This part served as a great reminder to me! There was a several paragraph conversation about how we as a people need to move beyond the thoughts of “ I need to pray” and to do it! Yes, I know that this is not anything new, but I pondered about this. D is trying to become a certified Natural Family Planning trainer. We began a discussion about the several different NFP methods, and one requires that a woman take her temperature before she even gets out of bed. So, then I wondered about taking my “spiritual/prayer” temperature before I got out of bed every morning. I usually remember to end my day with prayer- and you better believe that I remember to eat my evening meal- along with my morning and noon meals as well.

How does it become a continued part of our daily life and structure that prayer remains something to which we attain-strive for? Henri Nouwen suggests it is as simple as just saying, “The Lord is my shepherd,” over and over throughout our day, and before long, that sentiment is buried within our hearts.

Ripping off Band-Aids!

It is such a rare treat for me that I am able to be far enough on top of my game to post more than once in a week!!! (sidenote: as I am writing this post I am listening to Iranian public classical radio! it is fantastic- and I am sporting my new specs!)

What happens when we carry anger and bitterness with us from one place to another? While the question is a bit rhetorical- it has given me some pause for consideration today.
When I first came to Minnesota, I was leaving a position- one that I cherished, but at the same time felt I had grown out of. There had been some personal tribulations that I faced, but for the most part, I really did just want to go and further my own academic career and be more engaged in my own faith and theological understandings. So, when I left, I felt I was leaving one place with a firm foundation in self. About a month before I actually left though, I received a confusing note that alluded to my work performance. I was a bit confused as that had never been a problem previously- or if it was- it was not known to me.
Before that position, I was employed at another place and left that establishment with less than stellar feelings about the town, the people, and the life of working in a church. I just received an email from my mother today who was forwarding an email to me written by a friend from this town. They are looking to hire for their church again, and the gist of a comment was, “We haven’t had a solid person in this position since the blonde (me) was here. She didn’t yell at the kids and was really involved.”
I find it amazing what time and distance will do to heal hurts. I tend to carry my hurts with me. I wear some of them as badges and others are armor. What is the need to continue to protect ourselves from these hurts? Do we think that these protections will truly keep us from being wounded again? I have been on this earth just a short time, but in that time I have adapted myself very well to the American notion of solitary existence. John Donne I think is the man that reminds us that no [hu]man is an island. We are all in this together. So me, protecting my self from hurts is pretty silly. They are going to happen, they are going to be a part of my story, but they won’t be all of my story!

The Journey of Solidarity...

So, I think it would be fair to say that people know I like the word, “solidarity”. It has inhabited a part of my soul for some time now. But when asked what solidarity means to me, I struggle to find an appropriate answer. Does solidarity mean that I understand a plight of a situation? Does it illicit an emotion? Does it hint at a deeper discernment? I think that true solidarity is all of the above questions, and also more.

I became a vegetarian for reasons of solidarity. Meat was such an explicit part of my diet. I grew up in the ranchlands of the plains of North America. My Grandparents sold their ranch in the last 6 years to my uncles. Meat was more than a staple, stable part of my lived experience. It was how I understood food, life, and nourishment. I was speaking about 5 years ago with a woman who had also become a vegetarian for reasons of solidarity. She grew up in the same part of the nation as I did, and had a similar family background. She spoke of the need to be deliberate about food. She mentioned the fact that not everyone does this. I have invested much time and energy into this thinking since changing my diet.
What I come away from this experience with a stronger realization is that I am more committed to remembering others when I eat. What I put into my mouth- flavored by minerals and nutrients from the earth is refreshing, and yet, I also realize is a bit of a treat as well. I have the luxury to be in solidarity. I have the luxury to decide what I will consume and how I will choose to eat.

During the summer I came a different understanding of this all. The men that I was working with were pretty curious about my reasons, granted I didn’t say because of issues of social justice and to reflect a sense of solidarity. The workers were appalled that I would not only refuse to eat carne (beef), but also that I would not even eat pollo (chicken). I found it fascinating that meat is not synonymous with both types of meat.

So what else can I do to be in solidarity? My prayer life is a fundamental aspect of my day, yet, how do I encapsulate such a basic part? Will prayer—the discipline of prayer has the ability to cause such a disruption in my life as my eating habits? What are the prayers of my daily living? How do I encompass this living—this prayer ever day? Is this choice that I make, to pray, to be spiritually healthy, one that I find fulfilling? Satisfying? Is life notoriously going to be fulfilling with or without a life of solidarity and prayer?

Wean me from this life, O Lord.

“Wean yourself from this life of expectations; dream yourself into that situation. Wean yourself out of comfort.” ~Fr. Mark Thmert, OSB (Academic Convocation and Matriculation, 9:00 am, August 27, 2008).

I have been craving (wanting does not emphasize the feeling regarding this saying) the time to write on this quote for awhile, but my schedule just continues to get hectic and crazy. The imagery that Fr. Mark used to explain this idea of “weaning” ourselves was of a calf. This struck me specifically because I remember being on my Uncle Jim’s ranch and a pen was built on the lawn because a calf needed to be weaned. The bawling from the calf was incredible, and every once in a while we could hear the heifer bawling back from the corral.
I have been pondering a lot about what I need to be weaned from. I could make a list, it would be extensive, and yet, I still don’t know that the list would be necessary. Let’s just say that my closet is full of clothes, my belly is always filled with nutritious foods, I have a beautifully warm and comfortable bed to sleep in, and have a lot of books, music and varieties of teas to keep me satisfied.
I would say however that I have weaned myself out of comfort for the last two years. I have not been earning a paycheck that allows for mobility that I enjoyed before going back to school, the rigors of academic life have brought their own challenges. I have discussed that enough in previous posts, but needless to say, I stand by my quote from the first week of school-two years ago, “I sure didn’t come to grad school for an ego boost!”
Humility is a virtue that I embrace when I need to, but for the most part, don’t really think too much about. My level of confidence is sometimes misconstrued, and I am for the most part comfortable thinking that the misinterpretation says more about the misinterpreter than it does about me. Yet, I do find myself doing some interior naval gazing to see what the problem could be, “Why would this person say what they said? Don’t they know that the comment was hurtful?” The bottom line, I can wean myself from this thinking. This doesn’t mean that I will not listen to constructive criticism, but, more than being constructive, I will be weaning myself from language that is harmful, (yes, my friends, I will be practicing custody of the tongue-what will I have to say that won’t include a 4 letter word…I don’t know, but I bet it won’t take me to long to find out!) but also, I will be weaning myself from the harsh language of others.

Back on Track!

It has been sometime since I have blogged- I think the longest amount of time on record. I have begun my final year of Graduate school in Theology. I never really thought about getting to this point in the game. The last two years have been basically spent treading water, sometimes with a little floaty to help, and other times without. Let’s just say that my floaties were family and friends. It was interesting to note that when I needed a floaty, there was always, and I am not exaggerating ALWAYS a floaty there for me.
I have spent a lot of time these last two weeks re-examining relationships. John Mark is still in Africa- and apparently lovin’ it despite my very noticeable absence. Such is life. I remember my first class with him. He sat next to me the first day of classes last year. We really didn’t know each other very well, but were both in relationships that were ending. We allowed ourselves to see past some misery and saw some real special ties to each other. I have always said, “He would be perfect for me- to bad I am not his type. Pretty sure we would be married already.” I am pretty sure I am perfect for him, except for some little discrepancies. Regardless, there is such a heart felt tenderness, affection and love.
I was thinking back to one of the best times that I have had here in MN, and it interestingly involves Mr. JM. It was one of my last days up here before I left for my internship, and we decided to spend the whole day together. I had been noticeably strapped for cash pretty much all year. I got my summer student loan check and decided to splurge by buying him a going away present. I did that, picked him up and we went to the grocery store and bought a deli salad, some oranges, water, diet coke for me (I was still drinking caffeine then) and some great crusty bread and some beautify Brie cheese, and of course a new People magazine! We went to the flower gardens by the river in St. Cloud. We sat and talked, laughed, read, maybe even cried a bit (I think that was me again…). It was such a beautiful day to me.

I have been able to have a lot of days that would be classified as wonderful, fabulous and even magnificent. I feel that way especially after my first week of classes. I will be excited to continue this semester. I am taking Christology- the study of Christ, his life, his death and resurrection, and also studying the soteriological (salvific) nature of his role in the world. The Theology of Sacraments and Worship is my next class, which will be wonderful. It is an examination of ritual and roles in the church and the examination of sacraments in the church. Fundamental Moral Theology is on Thursday nights. It should be a fascinating look at what is meant when authorities make decisions about morality- and who decides who has authority, and who gives the authority away. My final class is Homiletics. Giving a homily-ahhhh- I am really excited about that class. I haven’t given a homily since I was at the Newman Center, (I have given some reflections here and there). I love public speaking! Really enjoy all that it entails, and I think for the most part, do a fair job.

continuing...?

The Abbey Bell Banner on a Sunday morning after a BEAUTIFUL rain!

Well, I have settled back into my own regime. I love change, crave diversity and still would like to some sense of consistency with the change as well. Many people know that I love movies (that is a bit of an understatement), and since I was on the move most of the summer I think I only watched 3 movies on DVD. I went to the theatre twice. In an effort to regain a sense of normalcy I have been constructively procrastinating all weekend. I went and rented 6- yes, that is right, six movies. All were great choices, and their variety was astounding. I picked out two movies with subtitles-Spanish. Almost Black, Dark Blue is a great movie-I highly recommend it!

So, while I am certainly settling back into life here in Minnesota, I am also trying to figure it all out. In a previous post I wrote about my need to maintain some of the urgency and desire to continue working in the field of worker justice. I would most likely qualify this as a call- but there is still a need to discern, set some perimeters, and to also be fully present and engaged in my life here in Minnesota. One way that I am able to do this, well continue this trend is that yesterday, before I went to the movie store, I went to the Farmer’s Market here in St. Joe.

It seems that most of my final year will continue to be balancing who I am with the reality of any choices, decisions I will be making. In order to do this, apparently I will need to rearrange and prioritize my goals.

Quote/Question

“Do you really have to be the ice queen intellectual or the slut whore? Isn’t there some way to be both?” ~Susan Sarandon

I came across this quote from my daily calendar on May 14. I have been chewing on this statement all summer and thinking about how it applies to my life. I have written about my personal transformation over the last few years. This also includes my view of sexuality, and also the importance that we place on sex. When there are so many difficult situations that are real in our world why does it still seem that sex is the number one sin that we focus on? I think it is far more scandalous that employers are not meeting the needs of their employees; that children are going to bed with empty stomachs; that there is still not a cure for the cancers that ravage our populations.

The statement poses a dynamic of what is potentially viewed as opposites. If I conclude that opposites still do attract, then wouldn’t it make sense that these two realities of personhood can exist in one person/woman? I have read this dichotomy in romance novels (when I was reading them instead of reading about Trinitarian relationship, and Papal Encyclicals). I would then venture that if this situation is being written about in popular romance novels (I am specifically thinking of Nora Roberts- one of my favs.), then there is truth to the situation. As there is nothing really new presented into these books- and are more of an escape from reality for the reader, I wonder what reality is the reader escaping from? Is the Intellectual ice queen tired from the reality of rigors of the mind, and is the slut whore tired of the reality of rigors of the body? Or is the escape something else and the blend of these two personalities something to escape to? I think that there is a way to blend both, but I also think that society is still intimidated by women who are in full possession of their mind and sexuality for the most part. This is nothing new, and women add to the problem by playing one part over the other and not being fully engaged in all that the world calls us to. Balance and moderation are key I think. What do you think?

All is well that ends well...

I didn’t get arrested…
Starting again at some level is not a new experience for me. The past few years in my life I recognize my desire to start again, to begin again to undergo metanoia. Change in life scares some people. Heights scare me. I like to think that I am open to more change today than I have been in the past- though I don’t think I have ever shied away from change. I am beginning to transition back into life away from Phoenix. I am back in Chicago for debriefing until Friday.
My last weekend was great—but also brought up new understandings once again. I went with J and his partner M to Tucson for the night on Saturday. We viewed Karchner Caverns. The Caves are a relatively new discovery. They have been opened to public viewing since 1999. It was an intense viewing-magnificent. I have never been inside a cave like that before and was stunned by the depth of the cave, the colors, and the beauty. Why is it that as humans we tend to just look at the surface and see beauty there and hesitate to examine below surfaces? Is there an ingrained need to just understand at face value? How can we continue to challenge ourselves to look below- or even beyond?
We woke up on Sunday and decided to go to Mexico- Rocky Point on the Gulf of California. It was the first time I have ever swam in an ocean. It was absolutely gorgeous and awe inspiring. J and M were so much fun! It was a great time, and we all had great food. They treated me to a real Mexican Raspado (it is like a snow cone on steroids). The drive back to the states was also incredible because the beauty of the mountains which was fantastic- and the fact that they were surrounded by cactus is still phenomenal to me.
We pulled up to the border and began our wait to cross back into the United States. When we finally got to the person who was checking ID’s she asked for ours, we handed ours to her. All three of us had our Driver’s Licenses. Our conversation with her was strained as she immediately became defensive. “Where are you passports?” “Oh” I said, “I don’t have mine.” “Well, how do I know that you are a citizen?” was her response. “You realize that you are now a registered non-compliant citizen now!” All I could think was, “Well, that will suffice for now.”
So, jokingly my goal has been to get arrested. I tease about this desire-I think mostly because of the notion of civil disobedience. What a message about what I believe that I would feel so strongly on an issue, that I would be willing to spend time in jail. Well, it seems that me being a non-compliant citizen is as good as it is going to get for me right now. What I did walk away from this experience with was more questions about immigration issues in the United States. People want to come to the United States? Great- let them come in! There is plenty of room for everyone. These are the principles this country was founded upon. One of the biggest arguments I have heard was about the number of criminals that came into the United States. We have always had criminals, crime was not a disease that was brought here by others- we are humans with the ability to make choices, and people have always made different choices- it has nothing to do with who is allowed to be a member of a specific society.
I am now in Chicago for the de-briefing segment of the summer. Interestingly enough, while I appreciate this opportunity to debrief, I feel that I will be debriefing for the next year. We talked today about what we can do for ourselves, what will be important to maintain the ferocity of the experiences of the summer. While this summer shared moments of fun and frustration, the internal transformation that I underwent was the most significant outcome.
I had my laughs, tears, shared frustrations. All in all it was just another summer- THAT ROCKED!

Time is marching on...

The pictures are from this morning. On our way to the picket line. Walking the picket line. The group of workers that I spent the summer with including my supervisor's son. Me, after the picket line.

“Challenges make you discover things about yourself that you never really knew. They’re what make the instrument stretch—what makes you go beyond the norm.” ~Cicely Tyson

This was the quote from my daily calendar. Today was an incredible day. I went to the picket line with the workers I have been with all summer and the painters. It was a marked difference between the picket line in Chicago when we marched around the block, to today's march with just a small tribe of men, one woman, and one child marching for better working conditions for painters. Most of the chants were in Spanish, though some were in English. It was a very different, but much more intimate in feeling. I was much more connected to these men. They have seen me all summer going into the offices and have been working with me.

I have faced many challenges this summer, most significantly was a language barrier. I began the summer struggling to understand. My first day, I remember that F. my supervisor did not speak to me at all in English. I knew he could speak, but he told me through another co-worker's translation that he wanted to make sure that I learned Spanish, and so would only speak Spanish to me. His insistence changed however when he learned that I was here to learn from him, from this experience, and that I really did want to learn Spanish. I hope that I can continue to learn this language as I get back into the swing of school.

One of the starker realities that I have continued to encounter over and over again is being the “token”. I have told the workers that it doesn’t bother me on their behalf to walk into a building and to be treated a certain way by the professionals that we ask to speak with. What I find disturbing by this “tokenistic” trend is what this says about the Anglo community. Is this community that I have grown up in so afraid something different- of people who are different that we cannot acknowledge our commonalities? While I do recognize that this does not affect just the Anglo community, I have only witnessed this in this context. I guess the bottom line for me is the overwhelming disappointment of what this means for humanity.

I have two more work days here in Phoenix. I am facing the very real problem of trying to remain affected by these circumstances when I will be living 1725 miles away or roughly 26 hours. Is out of sight really out of mind? Does absence make the heart grow fonder?

Tomorrow...updates....

My week is wrapping up very quickly. Due to poor timing, since every single person in the greater Phoenix area seems to go on vacation during the summer, we were unable to secure enough people to go on our delegation for the pray in tomorrow afternoon. Having said that, I will be participating at the picket line tomorrow with the other workers. We are going to show our support with some other workers who are on strike. They are painters. Their claims of injustice are just as horrific as the GWE workers.
As I look back to this adventure-this time in my life I do wonder how I got here. I don’t think that this occurred by accident-rather, I think it was through very deliberate choices that I made in my life. I think that I can look very specifically to the time right after my divorce as the time where I began to live with deliberate existence. I became much more aware of political scene, what I eat, what I buy and how I try to engage in the world around me.
As I went through my childhood I heard from my parents over and over that they just wanted me to be happy. At the retreat that I went to last weekend, I was reminded about the importance of words. There is a something more important than being happy-joyous is a much more inclusive-encompassing term. I can certainly identify with joy.

Musings and general thoughts...

The picture is from my trip to the Grand Canyon in July.

It has been a while since I have posted. My 4 days away were great. It was fantastic to see friends, celebrate and revel in the intimacy of my cohort peers. There is a real connection that binds the men and women of the SOT (school of theology). It was great. Interestingly enough, my first couple of days spent I felt alarmingly drawn to what I was missing in Phoenix. I knew that there were several aspects of our current plan and agenda that needed to be dealt with. I certainly knew that they would be worked on (I am just an intern after all), but nonetheless, I did wonder what was happening. As time passed, I felt my life in Phoenix not placing such a level of prominence in my mind anymore. My level of enthusiasm in explaining what I had done certainly waned. By the time Sunday came around, there was not really anything left to say, my level of energy had been drained.

Monday, I went to the B-TOP to work, and when I pulled the jeep into the parking lot there was a HUGE mobile Phoenix police unit parked with a couple of police cars as well. People were milling around the parking lot. My first thought-“Did something happen to one of the workers?” At that point, several of the men came around the corner. They were walking to their cars, and I asked JM what had happened. His response, “They found a body over in the corner of the parking lot, there was a murder.” My heart stopped. The area where the office is located is certainly not the worst location, but there is a lot of activity that could be viewed as sketchy. I asked where F. was (my supervisor from the Union). He was in his truck and I hurried over. “Is it safe for me to stay here and work by myself?” I asked. “Yes,” was the hesitant response, “Why wouldn’t it be?” “Because of the murder!” F. looked around and saw the vehicles and began to laugh. I was ready to go into a tyrad about every person’s human dignity and it finally dawned on me what happened. I turned to look for JM and he was in his car, watching this interplay. I saw the smile on his face, the glee at finally having played a joke on me! I pretended to run after him and he just sped away.

I went into the offices feeling much lighter than when I first started my day out. J (my other supervisor) came in and gave me a hug, with huge statements of how much he missed me. I started a bit of reflection at that point. My enthusiasm had been affected as my time in Minnesota wore on simply because I recognized that my time in Phoenix was closing in on me. To say that I had been affected by my time in Arizona would be an understatement. Transformation is not a word bandied about in the B-Top offices. I have been greatly affected by my time here.

So I have a question, What does transformation look like in your life experiences? How do we as men and women of Christ encounter transformation in the ordinary?

My final week in Phoenix has begun. I anticipate that we will not be doing our final action on Thursday. There seems to be a lot of clergy men and women who are still out of town, and in our letter we stated 10 people would be attending the meeting, and to show up with less would be to discredit the seriousness of this action, the campaign, and the workers issues with this company. It may be done more effectively in September or October.

Winding down...but not out!

My postings this week will most likely not be as long. I am traveling to Minnesota from mid-week to Sunday. I am going to be participating in a great retreat!
In anticipation of the week not all at work- I met with the workers today at noon to let them know what I have spend the summer doing. I laid out the original plan that is now altered and will produce an end result (hopefully) with the director of planning and building for the diocese. Next, I told the guys about the delegations that I have gone on with Joseph to all the different churches, the meetings that we have had with the different men and women. Bulletin announcements were next on the agenda. It took some explaining, but the guys got the gist and were glad. Another step was a letter to the president of a construction company here in Phoenix who has refused to meet with workers and other community organizers. I drafted the letter, had it approved by my supervisors, sent to legal and signed by the IWJ-Arizona affiliate Director. We will be conducting a “pray-in” because we do not anticipate that he will want to meet with us. This seems to be my seminal project for my CPE.
Of all the projects that I explained to the workers over the hour-long meeting, this got the most reaction. The workers have been escorted off the building premises several times because this man refuses to meet and have a conversation with the workers.
Have a great week, if you are also traveling, be safe and enjoy!

Prayer

I composed this prayer for the workers at the request of my supervisor.

God of Humanity,
You make us ever mindful of the need for creative expression in our work and our lives. Continue to form our understanding of creative labor. Transform the minds and hearts of those who guide our trainings for safe labor practices. Enable those who we encounter on a daily basis to be open to hearing of the challenges we your children are facing. Remind us of our own responsibility to speak against the injustices done to your people-the Body of Christ here on earth. Help us, as we continue to struggle for the dignity and worth of all your children.
We ask this in your name, through the redemption of Jesus Christ your son, and by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Amen.

Time Out!

So, my summer is about 2/3 over. I have been working lots, but there has also been some great play time. I have been to Las Vegas, the Grand Canyon, and one of the local lakes (note the photo-after that picture I immediately turned into a lobster!-oh but also check out the mountains behind me!!!) I have developed some great relationships with people down here. It has been a fun, challenging and provoking time.

I have done quite a bit of thinking over the summer, and trying to figure out what exactly this all means for me. I have had several conversations in the last couple of weeks with different people asking me what my plans are after graduation. Since I really have no idea, I really have nothing to say. I just resort to my old standby. Move to Rome, get a realtor’s license and put the Vatican up for sale and feed Africa for eternity.

So as I declare a time out, and try to pause for some reflection, I am no closer to solving this puzzle of my life right now. I spoke with John Mark last night (one of my best friends and greatest men I will have the opportunity to meet) and he was so affirming, and was certainly not surprised when I articulated that I wanted to think more seriously about religious organizing. (I need to do something that obviously allows for religious and faithful expression.)

I see that there is a potential for great movement and ability to allow for transformation within the lives of people. I have been participating in weekly meetings about how to organize. Since this is still new for me, I feel that there is so much for me to learn. One of the points established early on was that we speak for ourselves, and not for others. I have thought about this rule a lot in the last couple of weeks. What does it mean when I “advocate” or “speak” for others? There is a desire for redemption- is that why I feel such strong pangs to be involved in these issues of immigration, worker’s rights, environmental concerns and peace prospects. Is it enough for desire? Does there have to be more? What else is needed?

Economic Justice for All...

There are two quotes that I wish to share with you today. There are from the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops (USCCB) Economic Justice for All written in 1986. As some of you may know, I have fallen into a tumultuous and passionate relationship with the writings of my Catholic Tradition. I was always able to dismiss these writings as having no bearing on me personally. They were written by men, who wear dresses, etc.-that might be a slight exaggeration, but certainly not far from the mark. Well, since coming to the SOT, I have not been able to dismiss so easily these writings. I am grateful for this transformation. I see God much more in the ambiguity that I encounter in this Church, the people, and the Traditions.

“Whenever our economic arrangements fail to conform to the demands of human dignity lived in community, they must be questioned and transformed.” §28.

and

“Every human person is created as an image of God, and the denial of dignity to a person is a blot on this image.” §40.

Economic Arrangements: The struggle that I continue to encounter is how to live, live when I am comfortable, others are not, and not be torn apart with guilt. Guilt is a funny animal. It serves as a reminder that there are inconsistencies. As some fellow classmates and I joked about in our Social Teachings class, we are learning about the poor, and taking notes on our brand new laptops. Is that a disconnect? Maybe, and maybe not. The computer can be seen as a tool of our trade. It makes sense to have a reliable system and method to ensure the best possible learning. Is it necessary? Well, most likely that is up to the person. It certainly added to the ease of my semester to have a laptop at my disposal.

The other part of the teaching that has been a struggle is the idea of not giving out of my excess, but rather, to give out of my means- what I have NOW! I can’t help but to think that Suze Orman would differ, (I can’t say for sure since I have not called into her show to know for sure…but…) It seems that I have been able to become commonplace about my own abilities to give, and can downplay my responsibility to give. After all, I am only a student! And yet…

One of the letters that I initially composed for the campaign I was working on, deals specifically with the quote from §40. The idea that we are able to continue to blot out our brothers and sisters, their needs and their hardships is a denial of God- again! It is to easy to think of sin and only put sin a context and frame of personal infractions, “I did this to God, I did this to someone who I know,…” How many times do I call into attention how I typically deny those I don’t know? Is this what solidarity means? Is this what it means to be in community with one another? Is it to be so aware of what others tragedies and hardships are that I am able to call into account how I contribute to this ongoing problem?

Obviously, I will not be able to answer these questions, not would I answer them in a blog-too personal, but I have been thinking about these types of questions more and more. On Monday, I will be attending the 2nd meeting of how to Organize within a small community. I am really excited about this!

Please continue to pray for transformation in each other!
(the photo was taken on the 5th anniversary of the workers strike at the Congress Hotel in Chicago- the signt says, "All religions believe in justice.")

Productive Discomfort Zones and Me

I was reading my friend Laura's blog( see the link)-and she was writing about stepping out of her comfort zone. I was a bit amazed- because that is a phrase I heard last night. I was definitely out of my comfort zone. I was attending part 1 of a 7 week “class” on how to do community organizing. The people that were gathered had a specific target in mind- the elections in November and specifically how to ensure that the sheriff of Maricopa County, Joe Arpio is not re-elected. The speaker, a local community organizer used the term “productive discomfort zone”. I readily identified with this term.

Since I have been here in Arizona I have found myself getting more and more agitated about the circumstances that I hear about here in Maricopa County. I wonder about my ability to live in this kind of environment, and really struggle even with the selfishness of this questioning. I am not the target, I am just someone who has a voice-which I recognizes bears responsibility to speak for those who cannot speak for themselves.

I was listening to a program on NPR, and was intrigued by the woman who was speaking out a couple of years ago against a Worker’s Rights Center being built in their West Virginia neighborhood. This woman was insistent that before the Center be built, the people who would frequent such a building should learn proper English (speech and writing), proper use of electrical appliances (huh?) and proper hygene practices. [*Sidenote: I think I sucked the air out of the office after hearing this woman.]
Needless to say, I think that I have been living in my productive discomfort zone. I anticipate that I will continue to live in this ambiguous state as I continue to live here in Phoenix. It on a whole is a great community, and is awesome to see so many people who gather to learn how to educate themselves, and demand the change in the systems.

I will be visiting the Grand Canyon this weekend, so there will be some great pics and I am sure some musings next week.

Liturgical Beauty...

It has been a summer of working, doing service. I haven't really made that much of an effort to participate in liturgical services since I have been here. Liturgical services (Mass) have been generally been an important part of my life and expression of faith. My fear is that I have become a bit of a liturgy snob since going to school at the Liturgical school of the world!

I went to mass today with Joseph. The music was a strong reminder that I am not in Collegeville. There was a “wejus” prayer over the visiting Maryknoll priest at the end that was impromptu, and for a moment I thought I was in a different church.
That being said- the bad music aside- everyone was singing! Instead of exiting with crying babies from the church, mothers stood with babies in their arms and rocked them quietly while remaining in the pew. The greeting at the beginning of Mass- before the opening prayer was genuine and friendly- people who were a “stretch” for me to reach were not content with a friendly wave hello-they made the move to shake my hand and say hello. The entire community responded to questions with words and gestures. It was a “physical” liturgical celebration, down to the procession that every one took to put their contributions in the basket by the altar.
Needless to say, this was a very moving liturgy for me to participate in with this fantastic community. Thanks St. Matthews Catholic Parish in Phoenix, Arizona.

God is...

“Let nothing bother you
Let noting dismay you
Everything passes
Patience gains all
God alone is enough”
~St. Teresa of Avila
I found this quote again in the book that I am reading for my ILP. (The book is delightful and prompts great examinations.)
I found the prayer of St. Teresa profound for my week. My week consisted of no delegations (so far), very little interaction with the strikers, and mostly meetings with area priests and pastoral workers. All of the meetings have been fruitful in their own right- some we will be visiting again simply because there is more there that we are going to be able to do. Others, we will not visit again-because they are already set.
Let nothing bother you…there are times when I really have to wonder how the situation got to the point where I am called to this part of the world. How could things have disintegrated so far that it is even necessary to have people employed to speak and advocate for the needs of others.
Let nothing dismay you…I continue to seek God in the daily living here in Phoenix. It seems easier sometimes than others. I was driving with Joseph, my supervisor from a meeting with a member of the staff at the ASU Newman Center and a police officer was sitting in his pickup truck with the air conditioner on, full blast watching a group of Hispanic men cross the street away from him. I am trying to find God more and more often. Most often I encounter God when I am speaking to the strikers.
Everything passes…my time here in Phoenix is slipping away. I would love to see this plan and project through to the end, yet I know that this is not possible. It seems to go against my nature to begin something and then not see it through. I can think of 3 times in my life where this has happened. This project will make 4. Interesting.
Patience gains all…I am NOT a patient person. Enough said.
God alone is enough…in our reflection time today, I spoke about the word abide. We are told that if we abide in Jesus, Jesus will abide in us. I found this to be comforting. It served to remind me that this is not all dependent upon me, my supervisors, or even the strikers. Whatever the motivation we come to this journey with, I find comfort in remembering that this is not about me- and that I am able to be in solidarity with my brothers and sisters.

So, to answer my statement- God is everywhere. God is here in the imperfections of the people. God is in the tears, the laughter and the hearts of people.

Time moves on...

So the excitement of my time here has subsided- I have settled into a bit of a routine. I still find the work invigorating, and just what I want. I have been pulled off delegations again-but I imagine it is just for a little while. I am in the middle of composing some letters that will be submitted to different parishes for the consideration of the pastor and the parish community. Next, I am going to be putting together some binders for the submission process-more on that later.
I have not been able to get together for theological reflection—so I find myself trying to figure out how God is present in these situations. I have written a bit about the racism that I have seen in my time down here. What I have not spent to much time thinking about or writing about is what I see as the churches response to these issues. The bishop of the diocese of Phoenix-Bishop Olmstead published a document on immigration in the diocesan paper- The Catholic Sun. So it seems that there is education (somewhat from the authority of the church) that is going on within the faith tradition that I am a part of. Yet, I still have a sense of outrage on behalf of those here. I wonder about harnessing the outrage. I think that outrage is an unsung tool. There is so much to be outraged about.
• Living Wages
• Affordable Health Care
• Safe Working Conditions
• Sick Days and Vacation Days
• Adequate safety and Vocational Training
• A voice on the job and the ability to participate in workplace decisions
What happens when we as a society refuse or struggle to take care of one another when we are working? I understand the need for a company to make profits- and the risk that is a natural bi-product of those profits. My issue stems from when those profits risk the health and well being of those who are bringing about the profits, literally by the sweat of their brow. I think that God is here, God is present I in the faces of the men and women that I am working with.

Service

Service means to be of purpose-to have intent in an every day pursuit. I ensure that I am of service to others through my commitment to prayer for personal service. By maintaining my own personal relationship with the Divine, I am able to be a more effective human. I find that I am more giving, more thoughtful, deliberate, and careful. Joy and optimism seem to also stem from personal service of prayer. Service also means that after care for self- I seek to be of help to those around me. I do this most effectively by finding a subject that I am passionate about, and committing myself to the project. While I continue to work on this CPE, I continue to find myself more and more drawn to this work. There have been some downs, but certainly more inspirational ups throughout. Granted, it has been only 3 weeks, but I find this service to be some of the most rewarding work I have ever done.
I make sure that I am of service to others by continually reevaluating my own personal philosophies. I reevaluate how I spend money, who I spend time with, and what I do with all my gifts and talents. The question then begins to transform to “What do I do?”
I make the commitment to my community because I feel very strongly that there are ways that I am called to be of service. I will continue to participate in different activities, and community organizations until these aspects of life are no longer relevant.

Compassion

It's a new dawn, a new day, and I am feelin' fine!

This half of the week will be a bit different for the first half of the week. Joseph, one of my supervisor's has pulled me off delegations, and we are going to be pounding the pavement/ringing the bells (phones) of local churches to arrange meetings. So, for this week, no more delegations- though yesterday I was able to participate in the most profound of delegations that I have seen so far. The gentleman that we spoke with was by far the most receptive and made sure that the strikers knew he felt their issues were a priority. He took over 3 pages of notes! It was so affirming.

Continuing my reading in the book, "Of Human Hands" I want to share a selection from chapter 6, pg. 51:"Compassion, however is the most vital tool of my trade...Often a single words of understanding or a mere look of genuine concern is just the right dose of medicine to help heal a bruised heart...The real rewards are invisible and intangible. They are the warm feelings that penetrate my soul and the personal satisfaction at the end of my working day. It's these that assure me that I have done God's work and have done it well!"

When I reflect on the idea of a job well done I immediately go back to my childhood. We (the Mougey Children) had job lists on days off from school, and most of the summers as well. While we would never have admitted such thinking on our own, when prompted we would acknowledge that a sense of pride and satisfaction was a part of the pay off for our work around the house. That sense of satisfaction continues to guide me through every endeavor. Very rarely do I leave a job/vocation without a feeling of satisfaction- knowing that I have done my best-and feeling well regarded by the community I am leaving behind. The men that I am working with this summer are facing the notion that their regard for their work doesn't matter-the bottom line of what can get done the quickest, with the least amount of money is the outcome. I think that is a crime! Humans by their very nature are creative (we create children, pictures, music, art,-we even call it MAKING love!)and when the creative nature of humanity is denied, it is not long before we begin to see other human elements begin to disappear. The strikers say, "They treat us like their animals, they take better care of their machines than they do of us. If a machine breaks down, it gets fixed, if we get sick because of dehydration, we get sent home." What about the hospital?

It seems that there is a real sense of compassion missing from their work, from their boss, and at large, from the community.

The End of Week 1-Perseverance

My First Week…
Officially, I love this work! I think if the rest of my time was like this first week- this experience will be all that I had hoped for. I find the work very challenging, fluid, and life giving. Three of the five work days I got up at 4:00 am (I was very impressed with myself). My days were made up of getting picked up by the workers, checking out work sites to see if other companies were still hiring the company that the workers were striking from. There are a couple sites that have contracted with the company. After checking the work sites, we went out and did some hand billing. Hand billing is handing out papers that reveal that companies are still hiring this company that the abuses their workers. (The police were called on Tuesday, and I was chosen to speak to them.) Delegations followed for the rest of the morning, and three evenings found me attending meetings with another supervisor who is dealing mostly with the religious communities and other community organizations.
Another highlight was on Thursday we went to a rally at the city offices to protest the blatant waste of money that the Sheriff of Maricopa County was able to justify. Currently, he is the only Sherriff in the United States to not carry a firearm because he has a law suite against him (he has been sued concurrently for the last 10 years).
I am reading a book-Of Human Hands: The Christian at Work in the World, A Reader in the Spirituality of Work. Jeff Behrens writes on page 33,
God would have enjoyed every tale of woe and promise and found something of himself in each person there. Their lives were such a potpourri of goodness and wisdom, tempered b the brute numbness of factory labor and the unfairness of the way things are when the lack of power and money afflict human life. There was something sacramental to it all.
I found this section to be so profound. There is a goodness in the struggle that these workers are undertaking. Granted the workers have been facing this struggle for the last 3 years, but the perseverance in which they continue their stand for justice is based out of a loyalty for their friends and family who still work for this company. The workers are fighting and remaining in this struggle for the common good. That is the innate goodness that is present in their lives.

Day 1-All Religions Believe in Justice

I am finished with my first day of work. That is a bit of an understatement, since I had been participating in orientation with other IWJ summer interns last week. My time in Chicago was great- and there was great discussion about the history of unions, and a greater understanding of our own rolls with the unions over the summer (see previous post for more detailed explanation).


My day began at 6:00 am. Interestingly enough, I was on time. As mornings are not necessarily my most productive time, I myself was a bit skeptical. I spent an hour and a half going over the history of the AFL-CIO and the Ironworkers Union in Arizona-specifically rebar workers. At about 8:30 I left with Felipe and about 7 other men with Union to go on Delegations. (A Delegation is when a group of workers go as a group to inform local businesses and owners about the abuses of possible employers that they could come into contact with.) Today we went to an area business owner who is possibly going to hire the company that the rebar workers are striking against. Next, we met with the city manager of Tempe, and finally with an accountant for another construction company.

It seems that my day is going to consist of early mornings, with hand-billings (fliers that tell the story of the workers, and we hand them out at the work site where other workers are not striking-in an attempt to inform them that there is a way to deal with the injustices and abuses happening on the work site) more delegations, afternoons essentially off and meetings in the evenings with area religious groups or organizations. So as I plan to continue to work, I have begun to wonder, what does work mean to us? How do we value the work that we do?

fUnKY GuPpIes

The last couple of days have been filled with intense learning, prayer, and continued discernment about the summer that is to come. I have been barraged with stories of workers facing injustices in the workplace over and over. I sometimes find myself feeling a bit overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the men and women who continue to be exploited by the companies and men and women who profit from their labors. The excerpt found on the statue of Liberty, “Give me your tired, your weak and your poor…” are still there. They have not been erased though they have I am sure been eroded through pollution and just weather wear. The greeting that my ancestors read as they sailed the Atlantic Ocean is the message that is not being relayed to the workforce presently in America.

Walking through downtown Chicago- there are taxis everywhere. I was so tempted after hearing about the Taxi-Divers Campaign in Nashville, TN to ask each individual driver if they were unionized. I was visiting with fellow interns about the reality of our lives being forever changed. I will not be able to go into a hotel without examining or researching whether or not the hotels have union contracts for their employees. Tomorrow, in the afternoon, we will be as a group joining the longest workers strike in America today. The Congress Plaza hotel has refused to negotiate a contract with their employees for the last five years. There has been an individual striking everyday-24/7 for the last five years! What a testament to the spirit of these men and women, and the validity to their campaign.

I continue to be reaffirmed in my decision to have been a part of this organization. Some clarifications have been made that I would like to post on the blog simply because I want to be clear about what I will be doing this summer. I will NOT be working for a labor organization. Instead, I will be working with religious leaders, encouraging them to organize on behalf of the workers to speak about the human dignity of work, and how a just wage and benefits are great not only for employees to adopt (increase public morale) but to also see that it is great for the work force of America. Essentially, this is an issue of poverty. To continue to eradicate poverty from our world, religious leaders can speak on behalf of their congregations to alert the business communities that just wage/living wage is an important issue.

*I have learned some more information about my stay in Phoenix, and will be joining an already existing campaign. I will be leading and organizing delegations of clergy men and women to fight for the rights of the men and woman of the Great Western Campaign for the Iron Workers Union. Please continue to keep me in prayer that I may continue to be a vessel of transformation for myself and the men and women that I will encounter.

1st full day of Training...

This bench is located at West Point Military Academy close to Trophy Point. (That is all I can say without being snarkily sarcastic.)

Today my day began with a keynote by Dr. C. Melissa Snarr from Vanderbilt University.

As she was a very good presenter the main point of her message was simple:
"Social compassion is more important that efficiency." WOW! What a great inclusive understanding of what catholics are called to invest their lives in. This concept is so disconnected from our cultural understandings of productivity. So much in our society is based upon numbers, and the efficiency of factory production (whether it is a meat packing plant or a toy production company). This understanding of compassion calls into question very specifically our own interpretations of compassion. Is it compassionate for people of a certain faith persuasion? (As I am Roman Catholic woman, I generally approach and speak specifically from this tradition's perspective.) Dr. Snarr went on to say that with social compassion comes an understanding of the call to responsibility. There is an implicit-ingrained understanding that we as HUMANS have a moral obligation and responsibility to be compassionate to one another. It is not compassionate to engage in wage theft. It is not compassionate to be promoting a work schedule that does not embody the guidelines and regulations set up by the Department of Labor.

One aspect of this training that continues to call my own naivete into question is that these abuses take place in restaurants, and school/university cafeterias. These awareness call into question the practices at St. John's University. As I currently don't know who is providing the food services there, I cannot rightfully speak about any injustice. However, be certain that I will be finding this information out, and additionally noting who is providing these services at the University.

There is one member of those who are participating in the training who is agnostic, and that has continued to challenge my understanding of "Interfaith". Interestingly enough he will be leading our morning reflection tomorrow. I had several conversations with this man today, and would say that he embodies compassion, but I wonder, as he is from central Iowa, how does he encounter compassion?

How do you encounter compassion in your daily life? With others?

Preperations Have Begun

The picture is of my sisters, Kati, Heidi, myself, and my brother Joel.
My life has been in a bit of an upheaval in the past week and a half. I am back visiting my parents in my hometown. It has been a good time. I spent the last week in New York gathered with my family to celebrate as my brother graduated from West Point Military Academy. (Note: I protested the commencement speech given by the Secretary of the Army by listening to my Ipod. The Indigo Girls raged in my ears with their “Despite our Differences” CD.) I find this to be one of the paradoxes in my life that I easily embrace. I struggle to live and embody peace, and peaceful choices, and come from a family that continues to embrace their own definitions in different ways than I do. I find that I can embrace these differences because we respect each other. I am so proud of my brother, and it was a truly moving experience to se the “long gray line”. Each of us siblings is so different, we have all chosen to participate in different fields of work, and yet each of these fields inherently finds its roots in service. That is a value that both of my parents have worked hard to instill into our daily living.

My week in New York:
Great food
Kayaked the Hudson River with my sister Kati at sunset!!! –Gorgeous!
Hiked a mountain in the Hudson River Valley with Joel!!!! - Gorgeous!
Fell down the mountain and sprained my ankle—Grace is still not my middle name!!!
Found out that I will NOT be going to Austin, Texas for the summer, rather, I will be in Phoenix, Arizona working with Ironworkers.
Went to the Broadway production of Spamalot! -Fantastic! (But no Jersey Boys!)
Had a great time with my sister Heidi and my common-law-brother-in-law Dominic!
My book came in for my ILP portion of the CPE experience.

I leave for my orientation training in Chicago on Sunday. Once there I will be posting twice a week, and will be doing one posting specifically on the practical happenings- the learning’s, and the second post will most likely focus on how I am internalizing this experience, and what this will mean to me.
Please pray for me, the other men and women taking part, and for those we will be working with and for.