Deliberate Peace

Lent, the church, tears...

2011-04-13T20:03:00.001-07:00

Scarring the Body of Christ

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

“In deep disappointment, I have wept over the laxity of the church. But be assured that my tears have been tears of love. There can be no deep disappointment where there is not deep love. Yes, I love the church; I love her sacred walls. How could I do otherwise?”

Tears come and go. They wash and clean eyes, leave tracks of mascara down my face, my cheeks. They roll over my nose. I have cried for love many times in my life. The love of my church is probably one of the deepest sorrows I have ever held and cried for.

What does it mean when the scars of the church are from scrapes and bruises that I not only cause but also continue to inflict? I was walking through the halls of the office building I work in and I saw the pictures of a bunch of provincials from an order of religious men. I wondered then if the order would ever see men of color in charge. In a church that was founded on gospel values- “neither Jew nor Greek, neither male nor female, neither slave nor free” all people recognized as beloved children of God, how is it that our church allowed racism to persist? How is it that our church allows for sexism to still exist? Homophobia? How with these HUGE issues can our church expect to be taken seriously by people?

This lent has not been a stellar lent in many ways. My fasting has been pretty minimal. I have lagged in my relationships with others, focused attention in places that I should not have. I have felt lazy and uninspired. My prayer life is for the most part non-existent. Today’s first reading was from the book of Daniel and was the story of Shadrach, Meshach and Abendego. The three men of faith who would not allow their faith to be swayed by false idols, but stayed the course, faced the fire (literally) and saw the reward and favor of God in their midst- and also converted King Nebuchadnezzar through their very actions.

I love my church- there is so much beauty in the imperfections of the actions of the church- in the thinking- the challenges issued. There are times when I think of leaving, sure, but then I remember the challenge of being in relationship. I am called to maintain this relationship until it ceases to be life giving. I think the biggest hindrance to my life in the church right now is my attitude. I think I will just get out of my own way and just be- just remember to experience and participate rather than anticipate.

humble pie tastes like s*&^!!

2011-04-11T18:45:00.000-07:00

I was told on Saturday that I needed to be humbled. It was said in jest, in a funny part of a conversation after a pretty serious conversation. It was said to lighten the mood, and to bring some levity. As many of these conversations leave the speakers mouth, they stay with me for some time. I find the need to consider many different points- whether it is to accept and take what is said as truth- or if there is a need to dismiss the point and move on.

One of the best things that I have done since moving to DC is in the last 4 months, I registered to receive some theological sayings from Church of the Saviour in their daily Inward/Outward reflections. Today’s was on humility. (I often marvel at God's ability to reinforce a thought that is so easily dismissed in the heat of the moment.) It reads:

Humble and Free

Conrad Hyers

Humility is not thinking lowly of oneself; it is not thinking of oneself. The humble person is free--free to be concerned about others, free to be at the disposal of others, free to see the worth of others.

What does it mean to be humble in my life? I know that I have gifts and talents that God has given me. Some are discovered and in use, some have been discarded because I wasted them, others have yet to be uncovered. How concerned am I about others though? I remember when I first moved to Brookland, I was so wanting to be a part of the community- to really understand and establish in my own life what community, neighborhood means and to accept life in Brookland. How do I show and embrace compassion for others? I know that is really tough for me. I feel so encumbered by my life and work sometimes that I want to be nothing but naughty in my life outside of work- I want to gossip, I want to be nasty to others, I want to embrace the seduction of a secular life that tells me there are no consequences to any choice- it feels good, wonderful, sexy, so I should do it. I don’t want to work on relationships that are broken, I want to be able to wallow in a woe is me time. My life is so boring in other ways. The challenge though is that this is far from authentic.

So, why isn’t authentic easier? Well, I think that in being humble, authenticity comes a bit cleaner- not necessarily easier, just more well expressed in daily life and expression. The form of the question then becomes, “how do I accept humility-my humbling in my life?”

Who brings the thought of humility to my life? I think first of Jesus- his humility to suffer the humilitation of the cross which would bring humanity to redemption. But when I think a bit longer I see Mary. Mary who witnessed the humiliation of a teen pregnancy- an almost failed engagement- an immigrant life-a son who was never accepted in society and ultimately killed as a criminal of the state. I wonder as a woman- the older I get what this would have meant to Mary to go through each of these trials.

2011-04-08T05:06:00.001-07:00

Abraham Joshua Heschel

Prayer depends not only upon us but also upon the will and grace of God. Sometimes we stand before a wall. It is very high. We cannot scale it. It is hard to break through it, but even knocking our heads against the wall is full of meaning. Ultimately, there is only one way of gaining certainty of the realness of any reality, and that is by knocking our heads against the wall. Then we discover there is something real outside the mind.

I had so many goals in place for my 40 days of Lent. I was going to be “praying” more- and I really mean praying- didn’t even make it a day…I was going to be working to deny myself some of my favorite beverages- that fell at about the 14 day mark…what is the deal? Why when I was little was I so able to sustain the fast of Lent and this time as an adult- when I have the ability to regulate myself do I suck? Fail? Wither in comparison?

I was recently telling a new friend that I crave the discipline of the liturgy, but I think that is the only place- and really, “crave” might be a bit strong, though the liturgy is what keeps me going to mass- when I go…daily or weekly-its because the liturgy is so thought out and deliberate.

Prayer can be ambiguous and nostalgic at times. Ambiguous that during my grad school years, my prayer was in the form of my studies. I would read such deep though provoking word, that it became my prayer. Lectio Divina was often employed to read certain texts and passages. I would constantly seek out new and challenging ways to engage the texts- but always I knew that what I was doing was prayer. I have not made this leap to my new life, the life away from school.

I spent Monday glorying in the beauty of the cherry blossoms at the basin of the Washington Monumet and the Jefferson Memorial. It was a gorgeous and beautiful day. I spent the morning walking around by myself, listening to my ipod, in my own little world looking at the blossoms, looking around and seeing the living history story of a nation that seems to be in more trouble these days than out of trouble. What was glorious though was the way that people were still engaged, wanting to see what was the gift of spring. The whole morning was a prayer of walking, contemplation, wonderment and startling observations.

The Samaritan Woman

2011-03-27T18:52:00.000-07:00

This is a homily that I gave at Ecumenical Advocacy Days yesterday.

Men and women are different. That seems pretty obvious! Men and women also have many shared similarities. We have different approaches to life, to our lived experiences, to how we relate to the world around us. These differences are made clear to us as Catholic women and men through our church- “big c” church and “little c” church. This reality of difference I think is especially made clear in our Gospel story of the Samaritan Woman.

The Samaritan woman is continually ostracized in her own community, she goes to the well during the middle of the day- she is dismissed by her own society- the women don’t socialize with her, the men in her community certainly don’t. Yet, when she meets Jesus, in the middle of the day at the well, her entire life changes. This is not the first time, nor will it be the last time that Jesus reveals himself to women. His mother knows him, he already has an entourage of women who are following him (though in most accounts they are “not counted”). It is the women at the tomb whom Jesus will reveal his risen self. The women need no convincing. They approach him for healings, to raise their brother from the dead. The women know what Jesus has to offer.

Jesus redeems her through the act of offering her life giving water, and acknowledging her gender. He references her in conversation as “Woman”- he is acknowledging who she is, her experience as woman. Jesus recognizes how important it is to call her this way. He has not dismissed her, but rather expresses his care and concern for her by calling her woman. In this naming of the Samaritan woman, Jesus has given her dignity- her dignity as a woman, as a human, to claim as her own. The Samaritan woman accepts her dignity and begins her mission when she accepts the life giving water that Jesus offers. Rev. Nunes yesterday reminded all of us that the living water cannot remain in a reservoir- in a well, but it must be moving- it cannot be stagnant. Our baptism is what calls us forth to be moving- to recognize the life giving water that Jesus is!

This is the reality of community for us- the ambiguity and mixed reality of what our sacramental life in the church means. We are all called through the sacrament of our baptism to be a part of this community. We are all baptized priests, prophets and kings. Some people might think we stumble most over the “Priest” part, but I think we are more afraid to be prophets. It is our prophets who die, because they challenge the church, the communities, the governments. Our prophets are challenging us to remember the affect of life giving water- of baptism daily. It is the life giving waters of baptism that calls us to communion- to reconciliation. We find our reconciliation in our relationship with God, each other and the community at large. Our Eucharist, our meal brings us together to be with each other, to share our common expression of faith and commitment to the beauty of imperfection in our church.

But this is not the end of the story for the Samaritan woman nor should it be the end for us today in the church. Our dignity- our self worth is not to be relegated to someone else- this dignity is inherent in our knowledge of Jesus and belief in the paschal mystery. Our dignity is not relegated to their understanding of who we are, rather, our dignity is tied up in our relationship with each other- and ultimately with our God.

Putting Things in Order...

2011-03-21T17:37:00.001-07:00

Why is it that it takes so little for things to be put in order? After listening to a friend talk about mint.com for about a year, I decided to investigate and “budget” my money and begin seeing where I am spending my money. I appreciate knowing where my “treasure” is going. Granted, my income is much different from most peoples my age who have a master’s degree and are working for a national organization in Washington, D.C., but I appreciate seeing where the money goes in such an organized fashion.

I find myself participating in life in a very different way when the stress of finances looks differently. I was participating in a meeting last week and one of the conversation pieces that was brought to the attention of the group was the use of the word “poor”. Specifically in relationship to the people who are poor. In the parish that I grew up in we talked about the poor, what we were supposed to do to help the poor and all that … but the conversation at the meeting was challenging us to use a different phrase, other than the poor, because that phrase has allowed to distance ourselves from the reality of “the poor”. Rather than use the language of “the poor” I am encouraging myself to use the terminology of “those suffering in poverty”. No longer will I be able to think in abstract terms, but rather will remember to place the dignity of each person in tune with each brother or sister that I meet.

Labels

2011-03-20T19:21:00.001-07:00

That was the message that I got from mass tonight. Labels are a part of our encounter with Christ and with one another. Peter wanted to label his encounter on top of the mountain. What is the purpose of such labels though? Where do labels fit in our lives today? How does a label add or diminish our relationships with others?

I think I have always been a proponent of labels, there is a level of comfort that comes from having a label attached to life. I remember shortly after my divorce, a priest that I had known my entire life growing up approached me and we began to visit. Our conversation went like this:

“So, how is your family?”
“Fine, all of us kids are grown.”
“Now you are divorced, right?”
…long, awkward pause… “Yes.”
“You weren’t even married a year, correct?”
“Yes, that’s right.”

I remember being so furious, disappointed, angry and well, frankly, pissed off. As I look back on this encounter as the years go by, I wouldn’t say that I am grateful, but rather that I am aware of how the benefit of being labeled has helped me to be real about my life today. There are people that live for the ambiguity of life, what it means to them, and how they are able to interact with others in this realm of ambiguity. I, for the most part am not able to function in ambiguity- but I have to trust that there is a reason for such ambiguity. In the times of solace after my divorce, I am able to relate to ambiguity, to the need to un-define, not put strictures and trappings around my living. It is when I am un-trusting that I find myself burgeoning with the need to label- to affix labels to all points and parts of my life and to place my labels on others. Rather than just noting that I am scared, angry, frustrated, or some other emotion- my reaction is place a label on the situation.

I am interested to know how you avoid labels.

write

2011-03-19T11:13:00.001-07:00

I have a friend who is a BIG TIME :-) editor for a publishing company who blogs and writes many entries about the importance of words and what they do, how they affect people, who is affected and in turn affects others. I have been listening lately to two of my favorite singer/songwriters- John Legend and Adele. ADELE’S new album is frickin’ off the charts!!!

I myself have written several posts about words and what they mean to me- usually within the frame of a deeper theological or sacramental context, but they are important none-the-less. I was riding the H8 bus this morning with my friend J. We were on our way to a lovely morning coffee and game of quiddler (scrabble for cards) and some light shopping. We got to talk about words, and she encouraged me to start writing on my blog again. I noted how when I was transferring information from my old computer to my new one, it had been such a stretch since I had last posted. I made the correlation that while I was in my master’s program it seemed so much easier to write- because I knew what I wanted to spend my time word-smithing- I had some new theological vocabulary to experiment with, and the easiest way to put this in use, is immediate use. It seems that while I may have more time on my hands these days, I have less to experiment with and put into immediate use.

I have attempted to frame some posts around current readings:
The Measure of a Man
Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close
The Help
The Invisible Bridge

are all books I have read in the last few weeks that have made an impact in my own learning’s and sharing, but that doesn’t seem to be reaching me much these days. At other times, I have taken quotes from a daily calendar that I have:

“Whatever you want in life, other people are going to want it too. Believe in yourself enough to accept the idea that you have an equal right to it.” ~Diane Sawyer
“We’ve begun to raise our daughters more like sons, but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters.” ~Gloria Steinem
“Parents know how to push your buttons because, hey, they sewed them on.” ~Camryn Manheim
“You show people what you’re willing to fight for when you fight your friends.” ~Hilalary Rodham Clinton
“In my sex fantasy, nobody ever loves me for my mind.” ~Nora Ephron
“The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they’re going to have some pretty annoying virtues.” ~ Elizabeth Taylor

So, I am going to try to be more constant in my need to write and explore the use of words.
That is the best I can do!

More thoughts of Dorothy Day

2010-12-01T17:52:00.000-08:00

I have been a bit preoccupied in the last couple of weeks. On November 3^rd I was in New York at Maryknoll. For Madmen fiends, Maryknoll is located in Ossining, the location of Madmen. While there, I was able to replace my copy of Catholic Social Thought: The Documentary Heritage- Expanded Edition.

Before I left for Nebraska for Thanksgiving, I had re-read Mater et Magistra or Christianity and Social Progress. The part that I really appreciated about the document was that at the end, there is an offering of a Practical Suggestions or practical applications. The assessment of how to determine if a social teaching and obligation is being observed and the identified need is being met.

If you were to ask many of the men and women that I went to school with at St. John’s I doubt that many would express their shock that I was honing in on the practical application. While I consider myself to be a liberation theologian (Christian/Catholic might be a better phrasing); or a feminist theologian; at my core I am a practical theologian. I want to know the how’s and why’s of theology and its practice. How do we translate effectively our beliefs to the men and women that we encounter in our daily lives?

I find this to be a contradiction in self to some extent. I feel that I am a pretty open minded individual and am willing to accept people for the most part- where they are. The contradiction lies in the fact that as a practical theologian I am looking for in most cases the tried and true methods of what works in translating the Supernatural Existential-grace in other words. What makes the Grace of God reachable to everybody? I am looking for in some respects, some very definite ideas of how to encounter God in life and among others.

I am currently reading a book that is a compilation of Dorothy Day’s work- her writings and journals. If there were ever a practical theologian who did not pay attention to methodology- well, I would have to say it was St. Dorothy Day. My prayer for the last couple of weeks has been that I may be saturated in the same understanding of practicality that St. Dorothy encountered. I imagine this to be more of “balm” that is massaged into the person’s soul through the actions of their lives. In other words, the heart is so exposed; there is no doubt of motivation, meaning, and desire.

2010-11-14T17:49:00.000-08:00

“We have all known the long loneliness and we have learned that the only solution is love and that love comes with community.” ~Dorothy Day

Dorothy Day is one of my favorite catholic saints. While she has yet to be canonized by the Roman Catholic Church, the co-founder of the Catholic Worker Movement and inspiration for Catholic Worker Houses all over the world is widely held to be a great figure of wisdom, love, compassion and mystery today.

I just recently was sent an article in which some of Dorothy’s very personal love letters were in the process of being published. I wonder what she would say about this- no doubt, if I should be in her place, I would wish them destroyed. The letters are very personal and many are her love letters to her lover and partner, the father of her only child. Though they never married and separated due to strains that are a part of every relationship, she never sought another relationship (as far as I have studied [not that I am an expert by any stretch of the imagination]).

The letters speak of her ongoing love and loneliness of her missing partner. The letters address the very real aspects of relationship- the sweet words, the challenges, the sadness of ½ the bed being empty when the partner is away- the sweet expression of desire to have the bed filled.

Some will find these sentiments wrong and maybe even scandalous. I think that it has the beautiful ability to lend credibility to the very definition of what it means to be in relationship. Whether that relationship is in community- the group or with just one other individual. I think the question is what does love look like to you? How is it expressed authentically? These images are vidi images of the fun in and with others in relationships!!! Thoughts?

ideas...

2010-11-12T18:07:00.000-08:00

in an attempt to be more deliberate in my postings i have decided to do a couple of things differently....
*my posts will not be asa long or as detailed
*my posts will follow my format of taking a quote from a recent reading and be a paragraph or two of reflection

Update: I have been at home sick for the last 3 days- and realize, there is only so many movies to watch, books to read, and sleep to get before a headache becomes a constant due to inactivity. While I am grateful for the job that I have that allows me to have sick days and the reality that I have no fear of taking the sick days- i am tired of being sick! I know, from my conversations with D & L that I need to do a better job of taking care of myself, remembering to take time off, etc. Having said that- I have had a wonderful, stress-filled, fantastic time at work for the last, gosh, eight months. I have felt fulfilled, stretched, and affirmed (for the most part).

I am excited to go to work on Monday, and leave for vacation on Wednesday! I will be posting from Nebraska though too...

Saturated in Chrism

2010-10-21T15:34:00.001-07:00

Chrism (Greek word literally meaning "an anointing"), also called "Myrrh" (Myron). Pure or scented olive oil, although typically not called chrism today, has been called chrism in the past, including oil used in some forms of Baptism, Confirmation, Anointing of the Sick and foot washing.

I find it fascinating when I am suffering from some kind of broken relationship, a friend or lover I start to feel myself shriveling. I start to shrink and loose my elasticity. It is obviously a defense mechanism, but defense from what? In any relationship (I will be using the inclusive we pronoun as I don’t think I am the only person who finds this true of their self) we put ourselves out there. We spend time with our new interest- platonic or erotic and expend energy determining what aspects of our self we will share, how much and how often.

What happens though when the relationship ends?—When your friend moves away (to Benin for instance) or you decided your lover wasn’t just right? Do you find it hard to trust? Certainly there is an initial pain and frustration, promises to yourself to do things differently, self-talk to remind yourself that you are loveable, good and worth the best that God has in store. Once that is done and the weight of time is pressing on you, then what do you do?

I have noticed a trend in myself to become a bit brittle, sharp and hard to deal with. I don’t stay that way- but that is my initial reaction. My response though when I take the time to look further, is to want chrism oil. I want to be saturated, redeemed through my sacraments again. The Sacraments are some of my first loving welcome and embraces into my Christian community. I was saturated in a sign of the cross made on my head. It was of chrism-myrrh-perfumed oil when I was baptized and again at the confirmation of the seal. There is a sense of healing for me in remembering such moments (even the ones I don’t recall). The other time that oil is used in our church is for the welcoming of others into the church (again Baptism or Confirmation) or the anointing of the sick.

Are we not all sick at heart and in need of anointing when we see a relationship end? I suppose in that regard it is sensible to crave such a tangible expression of the reality of God’s grace. When all we should want and desire in life is right relationship with one another—to be a full, live, embodied expression of God’s love visible in the world, we can still fail. We choose to deny relationship to others, or they choose to deny us. Either way, relationship is broken.
So, I find solace in knowing that through the signs and expressions of my home community, my universal church that the prayers of the church are reaching beyond my grief, are opening their care and love to encourage me to heal, to saturate myself in the reality of God’s care and love of me. I have been created in the image and likeness, why not cherish the very full reality of God in me?

Reality check and time to check back in…

2010-10-20T19:25:00.001-07:00

It has obviously been several months since my last contribution. There are several reasons for such an oversight. It was travel season at my job- I have been gone most weekends visiting different parishes and speaking at liturgies about mission. I have found that to be a very rewarding facet of my current position. There is something very tangible about being connected in a parish, seeing babies come in and out of church. Watching families, single people waltz in and out of the doors of a sanctuary. There is a sense of security in recognizing that while time marches on, it does not change the consistency in which people attempt to communicate with the Divine- whatever they know the Divine to be.

So travel season, for the most part is complete. I still have other small trips to take- comp days to catch up on, etc. But for the most part- I get to be a homebody and am able to still take in the beautiful surroundings of the city I live in and to which I belong.

Currently- I am a registered DC voter and resident!!! Praise Jesus!
I am looking into Doctoral programs or another Masters of some kind (more on that later).

I have visited several states over the last year and am closing the gap on places to visit…Louisiana (3 x) Chicago (3 x) Wisconsin, Minnesota, Nebraska, Iowa, New Jersey (2 x), New York, Delaware, Pennsylvania (6 x), West Virginia, California, Texas, New Mexico, (this list does not include the layovers from said trips either!- that would be like another 15 states at least!!!!)
Relationships have changed…my sister lived with me for part of the summer. That was not a part of the original plan and people were surprised when I shared plan A with them. My typical response was, “Well, we tried living together once for, like, 18 years and someone almost died. My dad!” Of course they laugh and of course I jest (kind of), but while it was trying to have K. in the small one room apartment converted into a two bedroom apartment, her and I sharing a room, I feel that for the most part, we did pretty well. Granted I was gone most weekends, but it was lovely to have my sister as a part of my daily life.

That is my life for the past several months. I feel like I am still processing my trip to Guatemala, our country is still struggling to welcome those who are seeking refuge in our borders, and I am still continuing to figure out what my reality looks like. I, in my attempt to figure this out, plan to be disciplined in my blogging.

draconian laws make a comeback...

2010-05-06T19:49:00.001-07:00

“Happy the eyes that can close.”

These are the ending words of the last sentence of the first chapter of Cry, The Beloved Country. I have had this book on my shelf for some time- last summer actually, and am just now at a place where I think I am capable of reading about this land of Africa. The book is set in late 40’s early 50’s South Africa. It follows a priest on his journey, leaving behind his wife, in search of a wayward sister, brother and son. That is as far as I have gone…so far.

What struck me last night, reading in my favorite chair (a gift from one of my favorite former housemates who lives in Wisconsin…yay CW) was I don’t know how well I have slept in the last couple of days…two weeks really. I am uncertain of my own role is to play in the racist law recently passed in Arizona, but I know that I am disturbed. I am disturbed because I think of the men that I was working with in Phoenix two summers ago, the kids I was playing with, my friend who I went on a lark with to Mexico for a fantastic one day trip. All the raspados I had that summer…There were so many phenomenal points in which I was challenged as a person who lives with others in a global community.

I think one of the more disturbing trends is that I am unclear how people who don’t see immigration through the same lens that I do are able to justify their position with their faith…how is that reconcilable. (Please let me be clear- I am not asking for these positions to be made clear on this blog!)

I wonder how many people are not sleeping in Arizona. Is the Governor? Is the Sherriff of Maricopa County- America’s self-appointed toughest sherriff? How many children are afraid to sleep at night? How many children are afraid to wake up because it could be the day that their parents are taken away…or their sibling…or their grandparents… or neighbors…

Maybe, if I were writing, I would say, “Happy the eyes that can close with peaceful rest.”

Musings....

2010-05-05T11:08:00.001-07:00

“Truly great people have never had much peace of mind, for they were too aware of their own inner conflicts, of the pain and suffering around them, and of their own calling to a life of struggle.” ~John Sanford

A friend sent me this quote recently. I had been discussing the merits of my job. *Disclaimer- I love my job, what I do, etc…I do struggle though with my job as vocation- since I thought I primarily had been in ministry, I thought there might be a more direct ministerial link…

There are some dynamic words at play in this quote that continue to engage me: peace, aware, pain, calling, life and struggle. At different points in my own life I have been all of these words, imagined them in my own reality and put them to work in my life. But what do they mean for personal identity and reality of a life lived aware of vocation, calling, discernment? I think that , before anything else can be laid down, it should be understood that all these words will mean different things to different people. Again, I believe as previously stated, that this is one facet of the beauty of Catholicism. We don’t have to make a point to fit everything into little boxes, neatly organized. Instead we can relish our time in the chaos. As a Catholic woman, that is where I find myself anyways. As a professor of note would remind a class gathered everyday- chaos is where creativity lives and God makes beauty from chaos- just look at the world.

I have been spending an inordinate amount of time focused on the word of struggle lately…

Since my last entry Arizona passed one of the most disastrous laws which will affect the way America deals with immigration. As a country founded around the idea that all people seeking refuge from oppression should be able to find a place in the US- Arizona has just changed the way it can/could ever be perceived in the US, in the world. There are many stories of men and women who are staging their own protest of a law that legalizes racial profiling.

I don’t pretend to know what it is like to be an immigrant, the challenges, the scared reality of moving away from all that I could know, people that I know and living in a new country. What is worse then moving to a country where a number of people (lawmakers) have made it clear that I am not welcome? I find though that my response is tied fundamentally to my identity as a Catholic woman. It is my responsibility to continue to speak with those who are not being welcomed.

Are we not all born of immigrants? How is this discrimination different from the profiling of past times in US history when the Irish were targeted? Or the Poles? Really, every single ethnic group has been targeted- the fears are all the same. People cry out that the immigrants are going to ruin the country, they are going to eat up too much of our tax dollars, they won’t learn the language…Yet, the reality is that English is still the national language even if we are showing respect to those who move to the country and need help with translation (see the ad by an Alabama gubernatorial candidate- icky!).

My grandpa and I were having a conversation about this about a year and a half ago. My parting comment was, “Well, I guess then that it was a good thing that Mary, Joseph and Jesus had all their papers in order when they went to Egypt to flee oppression.”

My Trip...Part 1...For Now...

2010-04-11T08:01:00.000-07:00

I said that I would be writing this weekend, and I had every intention of writing yesterday, but I ended up succumbing to a Guatemalan recovery illness. I lost my voice to an extent and stayed in bed for the last two and half days.

At this point, I just have the energy to list some highlights from the trip:
• The quiet and stillness of the countryside. Zapote where I stayed for 6 days is a remote village where the community knows very little Spanish, if at all. The language of the village is one called Q’eqchi’ (pronounced kek chi). They greet one another with a saying that translates, “How is your heart/soul?”
• Being surrounded by the goodness of others. Every day I was greeted with greetings- generally too early for me to appreciate-not being a morning person even in Guatemala. People would escort Francis and I to all of our meals and provided wonderful and tasty meals for each of us. Breakfast was a mix of beans, eggs and sometimes spaghetti with sauce and of course homemade tortillas. Lunch and dinner was ALWAYS a homemade chicken soup that was a typical fare for visitors and guests of import, and homemade tortillas. For drinks there was always something hot- coffee colored sugar water or a coco water, as the water was not safe for me to drink, I had some trouble staying hydrated.
• I went to the local tienda (store) and bought some goodies a couple days. Their cookies in small packets were the ones my parents would never have let me have when I was little, and really after two bites of the treats I was ready to hand the goodies off to the kids that would gather around. They also served orange drink- Miranda which sent me back to my childhood and the handful of times our family went to McDonalds for a meal. We ordered happy meals and had to get the Orange drink because it was better than pop. I was reliving this memory with Aris- one of the priests who journeyed with me and he just laughed. I was told that Miranda is what people drink when they are sick….Hmmmm…
• The liturgies were intense from a cultural standpoint. I had a lot of need to place my western understanding of liturgy and behavior aside as I participated in the liturgy. Children were running all over the churches, a game of kick ball made its way into the church, a boy (12-14) was smoking outside the church and the smoke blew into the church, one legged races, etc. …My cultural understandings of behavior were challenged and disregarded by the local community in part because of a lack of catechesis of what was really happening, and also significant cultural differences. Yet, the most basic element- our identity as brothers and sisters in Christ who were participating in their liturgies in other parts of the world- some in complete silence—others in war zones—others with noise levels some where in between—we were all united in our prayers, we were united in our fervor for the care of God’s creation and the wonder that encapsulates all- the silence and the noise.
• I have gone to the last couple of peace vigils at SOA/WHINSEC in Fort Benning, Georgia. I was able to really contextualize what the trips mean for me know. I met several “catechists” or “catecistas” who carry and pass on the faith to members of the community. These are the men and women who were targeted by the military for their belief that they have human dignity, and for sharing that belief with their brothers and sisters in Christ. This really hit me when we travelled to Zapote and were met by the Head Pastoral leader and his associate. They had met us in a city where we all journeyed together to Zapote. These men would have been risking their lives and the lives of their families 20 years ago. Even with the violence in the past, I am not sure that I would be brave enough to hold such a position in the community. When we travelled to Guatemala City- the capital we went to the cathedral and on the gate outside the cathedral were the names of every person who had suffered violence during the war. Every person from Guatemala, who had been beaten, killed, disappeared, raped, and tortured.

I am still trying to figure out what to do with all of this. There is a lot running through my head, which I am sure is part of the reason I fell sick. So much of this trip was framed from my time at St. John’s. I kept recalling when I was being pushed/shoved out of my comfort zone, that part of the fun of cliff diving, is falling. Opening my eyes and watching the world whiz by was glorious. I learned in a classroom what the teaching of subsidiarity was- the idea that we as one culture have no business telling another culture how to run their lives. What we do have a right to do is participate in their lives through their understanding. I think I did that to the best of my ability in this trip. My next trip to Guatemala will I am sure bringing even more challenges, and call to mind even greater reflections.

The quiet presence....

2010-02-25T17:31:00.000-08:00

I think that sometimes it is very easy to feel overwhelmed by life, by living, and by all the realities that accompany every day in the world. What I found from a holy conversation tonight was my conversations are not separate entities that are removed from every other conversation, but rather are bound together in such a way that there is no real way to separate one from the other.

In my conversation tonight, I was speaking with a woman whom I have known for well over 20 years. She knew me as a little girl and has seen me grow and become a woman. She was my next-door neighbor, her daughter was my flat mate, we are peers in our profession of ministry. Our relationship has changed in subtle ways in the past 20 years. What I realized though, in our conversation was that the times that I have felt overwhelmed, when I felt the burden of choices, of carrying baggage that was mine to carry, and some that wasn’t- I was overwhelmed because I chose to not pay attention to the people around me. If I had, I would have realized that I would have been lifted by those who know and love me, who are standing with me, in an act of solidarity to help carry the burdens that I place on my shoulders.

When I was going through an especially bad time two years ago, I was heartbroken and sick, I remember my good friend telling me it sounds like I had lost a sense and an awareness of gratitude. I remember being outraged at those words!!! I had nothing to be grateful for- I had been dumped, humiliated, and really, I think indignant was a good look for me…I have thought about her words a lot in the last two years, a lot. I don’t ever want to be accused of not being aware of gratitude, much less, I have so much to be grateful for. I now look back at that time of pain and am able to reflect and see the beauty that has emerged in my life as a result of growing stronger in my own identity as a woman.

My conversation tonight with my friend reminds me over and over what it means for a cohort of women to gather and to be a support and life thread for one another. In today’s first reading, Queen Esther pleads for the cause of her people. She asks for deliverance from the evil plotter who wishes to kill her family, friends, neighbors, peers, the people she knows in her mind and heart. There are actions of solidarity that we all undertake to be of support for one another. Some speak freely about their actions of solidarity. Others just quietly go about their day and provide simple graces to those in the world by deed and prayer. That is what Meme does for me. I love you!

And so it begins...again...

2010-02-17T16:13:00.000-08:00

Prayer cannot exist together with hostile feelings. The fruit of prayer is always love. In prayer, even the unprincipled dictator and the vicious torturer can no longer remain the objects of our fear, hatred, and revenge, because when we pray, we stand at the center of the great mystery of divine compassion.”
~Henri Nouwen

Lent began today, and with the ashes that now sit on my forehead comes the weight of the next 40 days. There are those that resent Lent, the act of giving something up does not ring authentically with their understanding of God. I wonder about that. Belief in the divine is not a guarantee that everything will go your way. Rather belief in the divine seems to be a way to get through the pain that sometimes accompanies life. Loss and life. Relationships are broken.

Lent is a time that I try to make sure that my prayer life is attempting to live on a foundation of sturdy stone. It is easy to allow myself to be distracted from the work of prayer as well. I find many reasons to wash and polish the floor rather than to spend the time needed to ensure that prayer is perfect. In a conversation today I was reminded yet again that my life is not a call to perfection, rather it is a call. That is all. My response to the call is how I choose to be in relationship with the divine.

It is because of the reality of prayer, the struggle sometimes to pray that I am reminded that I must in turn love from my prayer. My broken relationships are a challenge to remember that I am called to authentic love and also heartbreak with humanity.

Lent is the time to remove myself from the sin of omission in life- the refusal to participate from being with others because I am tired, because I don’t want to be doing anything. Lent is a time to get down to the business of loving others, and most of all, myself. Lent is a challenging time for me~I don’t know about anyone else…

Ponderings on my way...

2010-01-26T05:58:00.001-08:00

My brother is back from overseas. There is a great sense of relief from my family- in my mothers voice there is energy and life again. My father was able to vocally project such vigor and a great sense of enthusiasm that has been missing in the past 6 months. Both did a great job in the time my bro was gone of not being gloomy, but there was a very noted change that I would venture only those closest to them could really gauge and fully hear much less understand. I never really considered before the weight that a missing family member can have on the dynamic of a family. I got an introduction certainly when J. was sent over. It became even more fully noted when my cousin was missing over Christmas and the eventual finding of his body, and the closure with his funeral.

But, I became very aware yesterday as I was waiting for the bus that there is another type or form of missing someone. I am not sure really how to frame this yet, but I have been thinking about it since yesterday. A boy- he must have been around 15 was at the bus stop waiting for the 80 when I joined him and I commented on his scarf. He said thanks, and then proceeded to say how happy he was because his older brother was being released from jail today. All I could think to say was, “You must be so happy!” His smile, which was from ear to ear said everything. The bus came and we never spoke again.

I have kept thinking in the last 24 hours how special our brothers, well, really our siblings are. They are our first friends and our first enemies. They are confidants and tattlers. Siblings are the reminder that no matter what we do in our lives, there is always someone who will take us down a notch when we need to be taken down, and will be our strongest cheerleaders when we need that. We may not always be in communication, in fact we may not even talk to one another as adults, but that will not displace the fact that we shared a very intimate home for at least 9 months, if not longer. That bond cannot be broken. Wars, incarceration, hurt feelings, death cannot take away that connection.

Liturgy and charisms (My Soapbox)

2010-01-20T14:28:00.000-08:00

This is a picture of (I think) the Baptismal font in front of the Episcopal House of Prayer in Collegeville, MN.

I am not a liturgist. I make that disclaimer at the beginning of this entry because this entry will be about liturgy. My understanding of liturgy is founded on the belief that liturgy is the “work of the People”. This comes from church teaching, my own formation in my family and academically. I am irritated to say the least. The more I think about the sometimes ridiculous nature of how our church is reflected in the words of others is scandalous. I would like to propose a question and would enjoy feedback.~Truly- Im not just sayin' that!

Scenario 1: I attended mass on Monday to celebrate one of the greatest martyrs of the 20th century- Martin Luther King Jr. It was a pretty big deal- Mayor Fenty was in attendance for a bit. The homily was horrible. The presider was not a homilist- he covered way too much in 50 minutes. The length of the homily is not the problem. I love a good homily- one that will prompt me to be challenged and will call me to see life and my interaction in the world in a different way- that was not this homily. Everything was covered- but I think I would also be generous to say that five minutes of the 50 minute homily was devoted to the work of MLK. During the Liturgy of the Eucharist the presider then literally breathed words onto the host and wine to turn them into the Body and Blood of Jesus. So, what that says to me, as a lay woman in pew is that regardless of my participation- I will be a spectator. This is not for me.

If preaching is a charism that is to be in place as a requirement for ordination when we attend (some would go so far as to say participate in) a mass, when the homily is horrible- does that mean that the mass is considered invalid?

Scenario 2: I attend daily mass. After today's liturgy I ran into the cafeteria and a meeting was taking place and two priest who had concelebrated came in after me. They were asked by their group already gathered in the room how mass was and the response from one of the men was, “Well, it was valid today.” He would not elaborate on what had made it invalid yesterday (at least not in front of me). They stated that the mass was still valid yesterday because he and the other priest were there to concelebrate, but it left me with the impression that it was barely valid…

The priest who had celebrated had just come back from working abroad in the missions. He has devoted his life to proclaiming the work of Jesus and living a life of the Gospel. Maybe he forgot something- I don’t remember- what I do remember was being invited to participate fully and being challenged in the time of the homily- recognizing the wisdom of Sophia alive and moving, coursing through my soul, my body, my entire being as he spoke.

Are we such an arrogant people that we think words are really enough to take away the presence of God from the midst of others? When phrases like invalid/valid mass get tossed around I wonder and often reject the idea that when our heart as a community gathered to celebrate and revel in the presence of God, that our participation in the sacrifice of the liturgy could ever be considered invalid. People all over the world, with the wrong books, wrong vestments, wrong vessels, and little education participate fully in the mystery of the church and mass. There is nothing invalid about that.

A Week in Review...

2010-01-15T06:58:00.001-08:00

I have written many times of the needs of solidarity, how I attempt to live in solidarity, and what are the moments in my life that call out such movement…It is with this in mind that I note three things in my week that I want to highlight as calls to solidarity.

1- the earthquake in Haiti. Obviously that is central to what my week has been focusing on. Speaking with members, hearing stories from their missioners, about their families in Haiti-it is overwhelming to think of what this devastation and destruction means for people who have less than nothing- and I had trouble picking out which top to wear to work today…This devastation brings out the many sides and faces of the humanity on our earth. I have heard words from one man in particular that are beyond sinful (in my mind) and found consolation in the need to remind myself the God does not cause sin, death and destruction- but rather redeems. It is our sinful attitudes of want and desire that led to our brothers and sisters living in such conditions that brought such ease to the destruction of their living. As this is not sitting well with me at this time, I am sure I will be reflecting on this more in the coming days.

2- the second act of my week was last night. I went to the Women and Spirit exhibit at the Smithsonian. It is a display noting the contributions of the Women Religious (sisters and nuns) in America since they first came to the continent. It was a marvelous display and well done exhibit. There was not time to see everything, so I will go back- it is an exhibit that I plan to take my mother to see when she is visiting here in March. To see a great preview go to www.womenandspirit.org The exhibit is well worth the time to examine and view the work of women in America. I think I even spotted the Annunciation Monastery in Bismarck, ND (that is the sponsoring community for The University of Mary where I studied in undergrad)!

3- I found out this week that I will be travelling to Guatemala during Holy Week this year. I will be doing basic research and helping to establish a formation program for missioners working with a group of ordained Catholic priests-I will be studying, praying and researching with several men, one of whom is a cultural anthropologist in an attempt to come up with a frame of reference for lay missioners, their culture shock and initiate ways to promote authentic discussions of religious traditions and experiences as they are in unfamiliar territory (spiritually and geographically). I am really excited about this and obviously will be blogging during this time and the prep time leading up to the travel.

Where are you from?

2010-01-12T05:59:00.000-08:00

This question gets a lot of air play here in the DC area. It is said that no one is from DC, everyone is a transplant. As a result, one of the big questions apart from where do you work is where are you from. I was thinking about how I answer this question so differently depending on circumstances in conversation. I generally will begin my reply with, “Nebraska, but I actually moved here from Minnesota.” or something of that nature.

My question about this is I wonder if such a statement is really even necessary. People come different places, different geographical areas, different walks of life. Why is there a need to separate or to create a sense of space or differentiation in how we come to our place of habitation?

This, at first glance does not seem to be theological in nature, but it continually comes to me at different prayer times. I go back to the pericope of Jesus when he urges his disciples and followers to leave their homes behind and follow him. Is that what we are doing? Is that enough for today? Feed back would be wonderful…

The Polish/German/French Carrie Bradshaw...who eats...

2010-01-05T14:30:00.000-08:00

So, Christmas sucked in the Mougey house in Nebraska this year. We were missing three of our family members, on top of which my oldest cousin was found dead from a hunting accident on the Tuesday before Christmas. It seemed like welcoming Baby Jesus into our home was going to be especially difficult and we did not accomplish the joy of the season in anyway shape or form. The O Antiphons of the final days of Advent took on a lament that would rival any psalm.

After the suckey Christmas- we went to Omaha to see family who had gathered for the funeral and my dad and I took off to begin our trek across half of the United States. We went up to Minnesota and stayed a night at the ol’ stomping grounds. It was good to be back on familiar soil and to feel such a profound sense of wisdom, mystery and all things wonderfully Minnesotan. We made it through all of Wisconsin with one stop to see a woman so soulful that the ten-minute stop refreshed me for the next four days. C- I love you! That night we stayed at D’s. It was not long enough, but it certainly took the edge off my need to see D and have some companionship. There is ease in our relationship and I enjoy that comfort. We can lay with each other and recognize the giftedness of the situation and let ourselves just bathe in the reality of our conversations. It would be like sitting in a vat of olive oil infused with a subtle hint of the best smelling (cheap cause D would buy) perfume.

We went on the next day to Ohio where we stayed at my roommate M’s parents home, which was lovely. Nebraska played their bowl game that night; we drank homemade wine and celebrated. DC came at about 2 and with it, all the traffic that we could want to avoid on New Year’s Eve. There were no near misses, no accidents, and hardly any snow. There was a lot of great conversation, many laughs and irreplaceable time with my Dad. So often I have to share him with my other siblings. We often in the midst of family settings find ourselves at odds with one another because of conversations on going around us. This trip however, we could talk with ease about many things, and were able to take the time to nuance our words, our thoughts and just enjoy the gift of the trip.

My dad then spent the next two days with me rummaging through boxes, cutting up boxes, helping me to arrange and reminding me that all these little things that were getting to me were not big deals- just time to sit back and rethink. We did have some fun too! I treated him to a movie- we had to ride the metro to get there and he was beyond impressed that I could get there and looked so at ease in my new city surroundings. (Really DC, it is time to just admit that you were built however many years ago because you knew I was coming.) Dad and I had a poor girl’s version of a Carrie Bradshaw moment on Sunday on our way to Union Station so he could catch his train home. I had stopped at an ATM next to the apartment and when I came out our bus was not stopping at the stop right next to the bank. With the wind blowing, I threw up my hand to “hail a bus”. (Normally we would have walked to the Metro stop, but it was so windy and cold it was painful.) We made it on the bus and as I was feeling kind of smug and big city girl- my father beamingly says, “Honey, I am so proud of you, being so Cosmo! You stopped the bus.” I was in my Target coat, target boots, and Shopko hat-eat your heart out Carrie Bradshaw- I may not have Manolo’s, hail taxi cabs or live in Manhattan, but I can find a deal when I am in the mood to shop, stop a bus, and I HATE Manhattan!

Enjoy the New Year!

days...

2009-12-22T22:12:00.000-08:00

I am back in Nebraska for Christmas. In my time here- I have been back since the 18th, I have had many laughs and have shed some tears as well.

My family, I think is a close one. We spend time together and enjoy these moments of life and energy wit hone another. I have enjoyed a certain kind of warm connection with extended family as well. Most of my family lives in North Dakota. Every summer growing up, we-the Nebraskans would drive up to North Dakota for vacation. We would play with cousins, have camp outs, and really, just enjoy our time. My oldest cousin was Michael. We found out today that he died in a hunting accident yesterday, but wasn't found until today. MIchael is a beautiful man with three equally beautiful and talented children. He was the oldest of 7 children.

During the season of waiting- I ask for your continued prayers as his family waits to gather together for his funeral.

Peace

Joseph...

2009-12-16T15:36:00.001-08:00

Winter has finally made it to my soul. That is not a depressing comment (when the wind howls in my mind then we can be worried). Growing up on the plains of Nebraska, we had mountains on one side- about 275 miles away so there was not a lot of protection from the Rockies. When winter would blow in, there was snow for days. I remember it snowing on my birthday one year-late September. I also remember it snowing on my first Holy Communion- the last week of April.

I miss the snow in DC- though from what I hear it is a good thing that it does not come often here as people have struggles with driving and snow. But the chill and crisp air of snow and winter is something that I sorely miss. There was always something about the fact that walking outside at times could literally take your breath away. Once I would make it to my car, I could see about the snow, was there any new stuff? Did the plow try to block me in a driveway?

The season of Advent is supposed to be filled with anticipation. I get tastes and flavors of anticipation everyday, it comes with the responsibility of being one of the most impatient people I know. But last year as I watched one of my nearest and dearest struggle with her husband to get pregnant, there was a tinge of bittersweet mixed in with my advent. They had been trying for some time. It was finals week of the fall semester and L leaned over in a class and told me she hadn’t been feeling well, and I smiled and said, “Hmmm.” Her response was, “Yeah right!” As we were in the middle of Christology I think she referred to something about her prosopon, which a year ago I knew what that meant and laughed, but now I can’t recall. Anyways, the point is that I watched her and F struggle with trying to reconcile what they wanted for themselves as a couple and what God wanted for them. I sat with her in her tears, and wept by myself and prayed. I remember feeling so helpless- there is nothing I could do, except what I was, and an occasional trip to the Local Blend- the local coffee shop who had come to know both of us well over those three years.

As I was writing this, I began to wonder, is this what Joseph went through? Watching someone he love struggle so heart wrenchingly to answer a call? Mary’s motherhood was a part of her vocation as much as L’s is (Baby S is now 4 months!!) Joseph was an amazing man- yet he sometimes comes across as the “off-handed afore-mentioned man who shall not be named”. I guess that is what happens sometimes. When we work towards something that really isn’t ours to begin with. We have to be willing to accept that there is nothing to tie us to this endeavor. I believe that the next time and last time Joseph is mentioned in the Gospel stories is when Jesus is lost in the temple. His parents claim their excitement and worry, and Jesus’ response is to sass back (oh to be 12 again!). I have yet to meet little S, so it seems that my advent has been since August. I tried to get there right after his birth, but it was too soon to see him, and now it looks like January will be when Christmas will finally come for me- and as it will be in MN- I hope that there will be snow!

Baby Skates, Baby Jesus and Salsa-What a Combination!

2009-12-14T18:16:00.000-08:00

I was having dinner with a friend of mine and we were talking at length about what our favorite Christmas memories were growing up. I was regaling him with stories about what a Mougey Christmas looked like, and what it meant.

My favorite and perhaps most formative Christmas memory happened to me when I was only five. I was supposed to be in bed, but had gotten up and both my parents were laying on the floor in the living room looking up at the tree and talking, laughing and well, just being adults. I remember the feeling as I approached their figures on the floor. I remember that it was during the middle of the week, and my dad was still there, which was unusual because he was/is working out of town a lot. It was a special time. I imagine that in the whole scheme of things my parents were probably talking about how to pay for Christmas and all that kind of boring adult stuff. One of them saw me and called me over. I went and lay in between them on the floor. I remember knowing how special this time was even in that moment. My brother was not even a figment of anyone’s imagination at this point, so I was the middle of three little girls- and to have such time – precious time with my parents all to myself was rare!! My mom and I had our heads resting on my dad’s arm and I was wrapped tightly in my mother’s embrace. We talked about what I wanted for Christmas. Baby Jesus must have been listening because I got Baby Skates that year!!!

I was talking with my friend also about the language of Christmas. We, my siblings and I were not encouraged to believe in Santa Clause, but rather it was Baby Jesus who delivered toys and presents to us on Christmas because he wanted to make sure that we knew how very special his birthday was! What that meant was that Baby Jesus (my dad) delivered the stockings and my parents bought our Christmas presents. My dad would be helping in the kitchen with dinner and the grandparents would have the grandkids entertained and distracted in the living room. My dad would sneak out the back door of the house, around the side of the house to the front porch and drop off the stockings filled with all kinds of good and wonderful things. He would hurry back around to the back of the house. As soon as he would walk in the back door, my mom would come out of the kitchen exclaiming that she thought she had heard something on the front porch… “Maybe Baby Jesus dropped something. One of your girls go and see if Baby Jesus left something out there!” We of course would make a mad dash for a glimpse of Baby Jesus. My dad in the meantime would be thawing out in the kitchen eating some turkey.

I was laughing as I was telling my friend Adam about all this, and how being raised knowing that it was Baby Jesus had brought our gifts rather Santa had always been an interesting dynamic for us as kids growing up.

The other part I remember about Christmas is also a Dad memory. On Christmas Eve, we would of course have a big meal and when the food was all put away, my dad would get tomatoes, paprika and tobasco out. He would then begin to make homemade salsa. I remember that us girls were watching him very intently and then asked, “What are you doing Dad?” “Makin’ salsa for tonight,” was the response. After an audible gasp from three little girls he looked up at us (we were on the counter) and he said, “What’s wrong?” “Is that for Baby Jesus?” was the question back. Thinking quick, he said, “Yes! Yes, I am going to leave this out for Baby Jesus tonight! Won’t that be great?” Looking back I can just imagine the wheels turning! He thought he had managed to “trick” or at least throw the girls off track. Not so fast Dad! “But Daddy, Baby Jesus is a baby! He can’t have anything spicy!!!”

We were told to go and finish watching Emmett Otter’s Jug Band Christmas or to go to bed.

May the spirit of waiting for Baby Jesus continue to fill your hearts and your days!

is it simply complex? or just simple?

2009-12-10T18:57:00.000-08:00

“There is a way to know if God is near us or far away: everyone who is concerned about the hungry, about the naked, about the poor, about the disappeared, about the tortured, about the prisoner, about all the flesh that is suffering, will find God near…” Oscar Romero

Advent is a liturgical season that has always carried significant weight for me since I was a little girl. Every night we- my family would gather around our advent wreath, placed on a 1920’s antique radio. We would say our prayers to God, acknowledging that we were waiting and anticipating the birth of Jesus. I grew up hearing about the “root of Jesse” or “the shoot of Jesse”. After prayers we would get a children’s book that told the Old Testament story of the day highlighting the Israelites story as they journey with YHWh attempting to live in right relationship. I remember that the names were really hard and ridiculous sometimes. My favorites though were the story of Ruth and Naomi and Queen Esther.

I wonder if Archbishop Romero was able to identify with the Israelites when he would see the plight of the men, women and children that he led? They were the “original” naked, hungry, poor and tortured. One of the most incredible points of Romero’s life (I am NOT in any way or shape an expert but have a vague familiarity with him) was that he was considered a non-threat by the church, he was complacent with his place. He was going to be just a quiet bishop eating in his rectory, sipping his wine and attending right parties with right patrons. Yet, he allowed himself to stray and become a part of the story of the shoot of Jesse for today.

His passion for people is what led to his murder. He decided that it was necessary to step outside his comfort zone and challenge the status quo. He did the same things that the Israelites had done for centuries trying to establish and reestablish right relationship with YHWH. Did he know that he was a leader? Obviously he didn’t do all of his work for the notoriety that he has since received.

I sometimes wonder if it is that simple. To just serve and not wonder about the daily toils that come with living in the world. The Israelites had bills. The men and women of El Salvador have bills and face deeper consequences than I will probably ever know in my life- but is it really just as simple as doing the right thing? I know the answer is a bit ridiculous-but really?...

Is it simple enough for me to want to live as Ruth and Naomi did- to live in community and follow one another and trust the rightness of someone else’s vision? Is it simple enough to be able to stand up to evil people who want to harm my brothers and sisters as Queen Esther did? These are complicated and complex questions- but aren’t they also simple? Is that how we find that God is near?

my yoke is heavy...

2009-12-09T20:41:00.001-08:00

The picture is one of my favs from my time in Phoenix. My friends are off to the side while I was chattin' with Bill. The guy at the next table thought I was a freak- but I was more than ok with that. I miss you all!!!!

I have had an interesting week to say the least- and it is only Wednesday. I know it has been a drastic amount of time since I have written consistently. I find it starteling sometimes how much I need to function out of a sense of order. I spent the last weekend cleaning the apartment I am living in and the apartment I will be moving all my stuff to after Christmas. It was a cleaning to rival every Dickens novel, except I was not a twelve year old orphan. Yet, the apartment is clean, sparse and mine! (and Molly’s too- she is my housemate).

The week started out with a clash of symbols bringing about a pause of forgiveness. With that finished, my week kinda opened up. I went shopping for some things for the apartment with a friend and I decided I needed a hands-free plug for phone (as I now don’t have a car, it makes sense to finally purchase one). While we were in the store looking for one a woman approached me as I was selecting the cheapest option to buy and said she would give me one. I was taken aback for several reasons. We were shopping in an area of DC not known for its welcoming nature or hospitality. Now, I am not saying that it isn’t there- I have had nice times and welcoming times in West Hyattsville, but I had never had a woman approach me to give me an item. She went to her car and came back with the hands free unit. I looked at my friend A. and he just kinda shrugged his shoulder with a “sketch” look on his face.

When we got back to the car we both kinda processed what that was about. Was it a woman just being friendly? Trying to share what she had? A woman embodying the reality of living in and helping others with their needs. There is a saying- I can’t remember who, but it states, if you have two coats, you have stolen from your poor brother or sister. Was she attempting to live out this call? In turn, I had to process why I couldn’t just accept this gift from this woman who was being nice. There was such deep hesitation and resistance in taking this gift- freely given. I have no problem giving gifts to those that I deem need them- need me! Yet, I suffer from the idea that someone would want to help me?

I wonder if this is what Jesus was talking about in the gospel for today. He tells us to take his yoke- the burden is easier because he will bear it with us. Was the woman at the store bearing some of my burden? Was I bearing hers?

Resolution

2009-12-08T04:25:00.000-08:00

"you repent not by feeling bad but by thinking differently" ~Rudy Wiebe

It is the second week of Advent- my favorite season- liturgically and weather wise. This is the time of the year when the snow is supposed to blanket the earth, to wrap the land in a shawl of white. There is something holy in being surrounded and protected by such a cold element.

Advent is a time in which reconciliation doesn't get much play- but I think (and many would agree) that reconciliation plays an incredible part in the spirit and movement of the season. On my walk to work this morning I was recalling a time when I was in college and one of my best friends had hurt me and I had called him out. He apologized in a very sincere manner, and then very abruptly he clapped his hands together and cried out, "Let the healing begin!!" Needless to say it was not this big pivotal healing moment that I expected once he had made such an announcement.

On my walk I was thinking about how it is so much easier to be patient when external "owies" are being healed. We know not to pick at the scab. We know that there needs to be a balance of air and moisture to promote the right amount of protection on the scab. But when the hurt is internal it is much harder to gauge about how to allow the healing to take place. It is a delicate process. Not enough care leaves a person brittle, easily broken and unyielding. Too much care leaves a person a puddle of goo.

This is one of the profound measures we can find in this season of Advent. There is a need for honest reflection on hurts and misunderstandings, there is time to closeup wounds left open, there is a need to allow mends to be made.

Call it what you want, resolution, healing, reconciliation- I call it holy.

Peace and patience to you.

Scriptures....

2009-11-01T15:23:00.000-08:00

2 Corinthians 5:17
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have past away; behold, all things have become new.”

I am staying the weekend two blocks from my apartment, at a Franciscan Monastery. In the room there is a really corny picture with this scripture below. I was getting ready this morning and read it, and it kept coming back to me through my day. I was spending time at breakfast, visiting with people and moving through my day and enjoying my evening with this quote racing through my head. I began to examine all of the new creations my life has taken on in the last five years. I have moved several times to ensure a better placement in my life for me, ongoing formation, and made several friends whom I would call close.

There are times when I am terrified of new- but as in all things, my Mom would call it my impulsive nature- I jump in, and then make the most of the situation I am in. This has served me in the past to an extent, and continues to be a general operating mode. Sometimes I think I make the most of these decisions when others are still processing, and I proceed forward to embrace what I believe is my call and people are still hopping aboard the Mougey express. What has changed my process recently is my own discernment process. Regardless of my extroverted nature- I process interiorly rather quickly, frame my thoughts with others to gauge the authenticity of God’s call in my life.

What does it mean to be a new creation founded in Christ? Christ suffered and died for all. Our own old life is sent away and redeemed through our life and dedication to all that is new. Life continues to move forward into a new existence. Relationships change and take on new meaning when the old understandings are put behind they are challenged to become new. There is a balance that much be achieved. Obviously balance is an idea or ideal that I continue to incorporate in my daily life, sometimes I do better than others.

I believe that this seeking of balance is one of the main reasons I have been attracted to Benedictine spirituality through my life. There is always a need for me to understand the yin and yang of life, of crossing lines that are terrifying, of embracing gifts when they are truly free. I think that there is a lot for me to continue to explore about balance, but there are moments of pure delight when I think I may see it beyond the horizon. Those are the days when I recognize the new creation of Christ within me. Old past hurts and decisions are abated and tenderness of an all embracing God surround me and challenge me to love and live in authenticity.

I am able to keep the promise I made to myself last year. I will be traveling to Fort Benning Georgia again this year to take part in the 20th annual SOA vigil. I will be able to meet new friends and those dear to me at this vigil- though my one sadness is that my brother will not be there as he is currently stationed abroad. I will be praying for him, all who are currently serving in any military and for peace. It will continue to be a deliberate endeavor on my part.

Dynamics...

2009-10-22T15:57:00.000-07:00

What happens when relationships change? What happens when dynamics and new ideas replace older more staid understandings of life? These are just some of the questions I am wrestling with right now. Having moved such a significant distance away from people I love and have grown to know in very specific ways I wonder what implications that leaves for our own ways of interacting with others. Does it make us braver? Does it ensure that we approach new aspects the same old way? I don’t know that I have the answers to any of these questions aso much as I am still wringing them around in my head.

Even with all the changes in the last four months, my constant has been to always be engaged and moving in a reality of transformation. What that transformation will look like, I don’t know, but I do know that I am called to be open. I am called to respond, it is my yes that I must attend to. It is with that in mind that I am so excited to go to the 20th annual SOA Vigil. For those who know me, it is a significant part of my understanding of peace, involvement and transformation. I hope to see my friends there.

Catholicism at its Best:

2009-10-03T06:12:00.000-07:00

I was at the Roosevelt Memorial and was struck by how moving these words were, and how they are able to resonate even today!
The life of a Catholic person who is attempting to be deliberate, who is attempting to be peaceful is sometimes tricky. Yet, that is what it means to be Catholic- right- to be based in a universal mindset- to be able to engage the "both/and" to move beyond an "either/or" mind set. That is the trick

I went to an event here in DC at one of the Catholic Worker houses with my new good friends, Molly and her beau Tobias (both very lovely people). We were watching the new documentary Rethink Afghanistan. It was a good movie, which had a good premise and had filmed some intense footage and made some good points in the movie. I found a couple of the points troubling however. Let me share them now…
• While I do believe that President Obama has made some campaign promises, I do believe that it would be prudent to allow the man some time to attend to some of the promises he made. In this video the producers seemed to be blaming President Obama for the fact that the US is currently involved in a war in the Middle East. What I find disturbing is that the US has been involved in this war for the last 7-8 years. I would venture to say that it was the agenda of the previous administration that took the US into a war mentality and promoted an agenda of war.
• There was also a person who took part in the discussion whom I found to be violently non-violent. This person’s voice trembled with anger when they spoke, there was such an edge of bitterness and an absolutist tone of finality in speech. I really began to wonder about the ability to compromise. This is a tricky spot I know- I am not pro-war, I do not believe in violence in any shape and try so very hard not to live a life in which reflects this strong stance. Sometimes I fail and sometimes I succeed. What I do find imperatives though, is the need to ensure that there is always room for dialogue. I find that this best takes place when a person is open and has an ability to bring about informed discussion (I struggle with that piece as well).
So, with those points in mind I could not help but to think about a man whom I know very well. We lived together or 18 years who is currently stationed in Iraq. I do not believe that he is misguided, I do not believe that he is trying to harm people. I believe that he is doing what he thinks is best to be of service to men and women and children in this world. Do I agree with his methodology-no, but I appreciate his determination to be of service. Happy birthday Joel- I love you!a

ReFeshing and ReFurbishing

2009-09-21T18:28:00.001-07:00

My time in DC has been filled with much for me to contemplate. With a month gone- I have been a bit overwhelmed, nervous, upset, and somewhat happy. Overall I forgot that I was in the midst of huge upheaval and transition. I was overwhelmed by all of these “things” these emotions and thought I was going crazy to an extent. Things were not/ are not perfect like they were in Minnesota. I had friends there that I had solid relationships with. I was able to be outside when it was dark and not be nervous that I was by myself. I didn’t have to worry about whether I had locked the door in St. Joe- much less double lock the doors. There is much to adjust to, and I need to remember to allow myself the time to adjust as necessary.

This last weekend for me was amazing! I was able to participate in a retreat that was focusing on the integration of mind, body, and the spirit-which for those who don’t know was the focus of my integration seminar. There were four presentations throughout the weekend, in addition to time to spend by myself, outside, in solitude and also with some of the other retreat participants. It was great! The director of the retreat works at the same place that I do, and after the retreat he took me to the Billy Goat Trail which is a trail that follows the Potomac River. We walked on the Maryland side of the river. It was glorious- outside of the fact that my ankle started to bother me. The pictures are from my trip with Tom on the trail- as he said in the email- it is a bit hard to believe that it was only half an hour from D.C.

I remembered several things during my retreat. I remembered that I love to walk- whether it is around a neighborhood, or on a track. So now, after work I am going to try to walk every day for an hour. It will allow for some sustained exercise in addition to great outdoor activity while keeping me away from digital cable. I also remembered how much I love to write- poetry-journaling- notetaking- anything that requires that I put pen to paper. It is a beautiful and creative expression that I enjoy fully!

My work is starting to take off. I am getting ready to go on the road- I will be speaking to a parish in Pennsylvania in October. I am hoping that will give me some of the pastoral work I need to be involved with, be it outreach or sacramental prep. Most of my work is administrative, but I am looking forward to the time when I will be able to be as creative as I can be and find the work as fulfilling as I would like it to be.

Moving on...

2009-08-30T12:49:00.000-07:00

Life if DC…

Well, I have been here in the nation’s capitol for about two weeks now. My work has been very busy and very fulfilling for these last two weeks. I anticipate that it will continue to be such.
My first week was pretty much a whirlwind in that I arrived on the 16th. The woman that I am living with-Sr. Sharon picked me up at the airport. I settled into my living quarters that first night rather quickly, it was a good thing too, because I began work at 9 that Monday morning. Whew!!!

I participated in a few activities throughout the week, but really didn’t venture too far away from the apartment during the evenings simply because I wanted to make sure that I had a rudimentary understanding of the area before I ventured too far. Friday of my first week was pretty unusual because one of my instructor’s was being sworn in as the new ambassador to the Holy See. It was a wonderful celebration and incredible day to participate. I met lots of wonderful people and did some great networking for my job. Saturday I went to several memorials on the mall with a group from the swearing-in. That night I went to my cousins new home in south east DC. The last week was much more subdued, and I was able to “relax” a bit more into my new job.
The biggest adjustment for me is the humidity. I have never lived in a place where I felt that humidity was sooo oppressive. It seems like the humidity is about 85% if not higher! I am able to walk to work which is really nice, it is a one mile walk each way- so it takes around 15-20 minutes depending on when I hit the traffic lights.

I have kind of been feeling a bit out of sorts, more to do with the need to set up a routine of spiritual formation- I am really missing spiritual direction, and REALLY missing my spiritual companioning group and the theological reflection. I am hoping to make some connections in the next couple weeks to reestablish those habits and to have the practices in place here in DC. One of the really amazing parts of my job is that I am able to attend daily liturgy at the Paulist Center.

This week promises to keep the pace of the previous two- with the exception that I continue to grow more and more confident in my place here in DC.

Time is moving at a pace...

2009-07-23T08:46:00.000-07:00

Complacency…
My time since graduation has been a bit tumultuous to say the least. For those who don’t know, I am no longer going to Africa at this time. Due to events in my past it was discerned that it would not be good for me to be by myself for such a project with no support system. While I agree with the decision, I have spent some time grieving this loss as well. Yet I feel that this is the beauty of the discernment process. If God has nothing but my best interests at heart, then I am more than willing to defer to the goodness and protection of “my rock and my refuge”.

Having said that, there have been some exciting movements as well. I am in the middle of a “big job hunt” now. With this current discernment I am looking for jobs that will support and uphold my decision to “be in mission” in some aspect. I continue to marvel at how I view mission and the notion of global solidarity in a very different way at this point in my life. I have a deep desire to continue to make global solidarity and mission a life forming focus.

I have struggled with complacency in the last month and a half. I have developed some poor habits in the short time away from a regimented schedule of academia. I am hopeful that I can invest in a more deliberate life away from TV (I apparently felt the need to catch up on three missed years of TV watching in one month), and place myself back in the form of prayer, reading, light movie watching, and good conversations with friends and tea-time with myself.

Some of the big moments so far this summer have been:
• The wedding- my older sister was married in June. I was able to see my entire family-including my brother who will be sent overseas in August. My parents and sister went to the Holocaust Museum the day of the shooting. It was an event-filled week.
• I celebrated the 4th of July in Duluth, MN with great friends (essentially my other family). Josh and Star are some of my best friends- it is always wonderful to connect with them and to see Josh’s family!
• I also reconnected with an instructor from my first summer at the SOT. It was wonderful to visit with her again and “catch up”. She is so insightful and energizing. She reminded me of the need to write. As this also just came up in a spiritual direction session I think God is “beating me upside the head with a bouquet of flowers”.
• I also got to visit with some dear friends in the last couple of months- John Mark and I spent last weekend together at a family wedding for his family—LOVELY!!
• I went to the rodeo a couple weekends ago with a group of other friends- and since I had the most “rodeo experience” I somehow ended up as the “resident expert” explaining events and the goals of each event-(this is proof of God’s incredible sense of humor) It was a great time nonetheless!!!
• I went to Chicago for a regional conference and was able to meet up with “old” friends and make new connections! What a full summer so far!!

So my thoughts for the summer are to continue to find a full regiment for my life, integrating prayer, personal writing, blogging, and friends into a life of deep personal contentment. Blessings on your day!

Summer Cleaning

2009-06-26T09:23:00.001-07:00

Psalm 51:1-13
Have mercy on me, God, in your goodness; in your abundant compassion blot out my offense.
Wash away all my guilt; from my sin cleanse me.
For I know my offense; my sin is always before me.

Against you alone have I sinned; I have done such evil in your sight That you are just in your sentence, blameless when you condemn.

True, I was born guilty, a sinner, even as my mother conceived me.
Still, you insist on sincerity of heart; in my inmost being teach me wisdom.
Cleanse me with hyssop, that I may be pure; wash me, make me whiter than snow.

Let me hear sounds of joy and gladness; let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
Turn away your face from my sins; blot out all my guilt.

A clean heart create for me, God; renew in me a steadfast spirit.
Do not drive me from your presence, nor take from me your holy spirit.
Restore my joy in your salvation; sustain in me a willing spirit.

I was reading this psalm this morning before beginning my day at work- and I was reminded how vividly God calls each of us to our relationship with one another and with God. Right relationship is a major theme in the Old Testament. The Israelites struggled with their relationship with God over and over. I have been struggling in the last couple of months in my relationship with God. I had moved away from thinking of my relationship with God as I would any other relationship. My relationships take time, investment, curiosity, generosity, kindness, and selflessness. God asks all of this and more every day. Some day’s I can be the person God is asking of me, some day’s I fall short. Most often, I find myself somewhere in between.

I spent the first part of my week with a man who is amazing to me. I am reminded over and over when I am in his presence what a treat it is to be in right relationship with others. I see God in his eyes, the compassion, tenderness and genuine concern that he shows to others is wonderful, but also a treat to receive. Through our conversations we discussed the very intimate nature of right relationships, and Psalm 51 was a refrain that was playing over and over in my mind. What a gift.

What are the gifts of right relationship that you find in your life today?
Is there a person who exhibits right relationship to you?

I am still here, and almost getting ready to begin my new posting....

2009-06-09T11:02:00.001-07:00

Reflection...

2009-02-19T21:41:00.000-08:00

I wrote this reflection to share at our Thursday morning prayer. Due to a mix-up someone else preached. I had already prepared this reflection and figured I would post it on the blog anyways.

Matthew 7:1-8
1 "Stop judging, that you may not be judged.
2 For as you judge, so will you be judged, and the measure with which you measure will be measured out to you. 3 Why do you notice the splinter in your brother's eye, but do not perceive the wooden beam in your own eye? 4 How can you say to your brother, 'Let me remove that splinter from your eye,' while the wooden beam is in your eye? 5 You hypocrite, remove the wooden beam from your eye first; then you will see clearly to remove the splinter from your brother's eye. 6 "Do not give what is holy to dogs, or throw your pearls before swine, lest they trample them underfoot, and turn and tear you to pieces. 7 "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks, receives; and the one who seeks, finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

As has happened in many of my relationships with others, since I have been attending school at St. John’s I have become the unofficial spokesperson for all things Catholic and theological. Any time a statement is issued I am able to guarantee an influx of calls from family and friends wanting me to explain certain aspects of the statement. Questions are a good thing- they are beneficial to our development and understanding of humanity. The hard part is figuring out what the answer is. But it seems to me that the easiest way to answer questions about theology is to direct the questioner to a book that will provide one argument for one point of the question. I really don’t like this, in fact I readily state, “The last thing I need is one more book to read!” (please take note that I am a book-a-phile!)

I was taken aback with how a conversation progressed. It was in the middle of a conversation on Sunday with one of my best friends and he was asking me some questions about Catholicism. As a former Catholic himself he knew how to spin certain parts of the Catholic tradition to make it ridiculous to make his point. (Please remember that I have no problem pointing out what I find ridiculous-but Josh can take this to a new level!) In order to make my point, I uttered some words that I don’t know I would have said three years ago. I said, “Josh, there is a great book that you should read!”. His response was to say in exasperation, “Why is it that whenever I ask you a question you always tell me to read a book?” Well, what a rude awakening!
Talk about needing to remove a forest from my eyes!!!!

This is one of the most difficult parts of the Christian message for me. The daily living- or calling out to attend to my own struggles is hardest for me. I am not perfect and readily recognize this fact- but I do like to think that I am aware of my statements!

The last two verses about knocking, asking, receiving have never really struck me as Lenten verses. But as I continued to meditate on this scripture- I began to wonder what would happen to people who claim to be Christians if they asked for the courage to be honest with themselves? That is really the claim in the reading- we need to be honest about how we are, how we interact with others- and not just the people that we know- or those that build us up. We need to be honest enough to be with those that we find challenging, those that don’t always build us up-or those that we struggle to build up.

walking...

2009-02-06T18:24:00.000-08:00

The white is startling right now. I spent the morning and early afternoon at a retreat, and it got up to 40 today so I decided to spend some time outside. I was an absolutely gorgeous day!!! I wanted to make sure that I walked on the lake- Lake Sagatagan at some point this winter. I ventured out there for the first time first semester of the 2007. My friend Laura went with me. This year my friend Natalie went. We had a great time. It was amazing to venture out across the lake, to walk where just four to five months ago I had swam in the crisp cool refreshing water.

There is a good thick ice right now. But, we couldn’t really get a clear view of the ice except for where the ice fishers had been. There is so much snow over every inch of the lake. It is gorgeous.

We walked across the lake to the Chapel of Stella Maris. One picture show the chapel, and the other is of the main stain glass window. It is a hidden treasure. During the other three months, it is a good trek (not really a walk, but less intense than a hike) through the dense forest to get to the chapel.

The retreat focused on the idea that we are ministers in transition. We (those who atteneded) are getting ready to graduate with our degrees, and hoping to go out and face the world, the depth of looking for ministry in many different avenues and hoping to embody the message of Christ and his justice.

stuck in a rut...

2009-02-02T09:11:00.001-08:00

This picture exemplifies for me the lived reality of ruts in minnesota- out of snow!!! i took the picture last winter when a friend and I decided to walk across the frozen lake- I will be doing that again tomorrow!

I have generally been fascinated by the definitions or meanings that we give out to words. Rut is a word that I have been thinking about for several days- I am in a bit of a rut right now. But, when I think about rut, I tend to think about a ditch, or some such location- on the side of the road… it is not typical for me to associate a rut with my current life. Yet, here I am.

In doing my own reflection I recognize how very inept I am at appreciating the gifts that I have in my life currently, what I recognize as true movement, and how to embrace such existence. I was reading a journal in which a man was describing his conversation with a friend. His friend was deliberately living off the grid- not making enough money to pay taxes and other such things. He greatly opposed war and so made the decision that the money he would have spent on taxes would then go to peace keeping efforts throughout the world. He viewed this as vocation! His friend who was writing the article asked him how he felt when he would notice that none of his efforts would make a difference. It seemed like a waste- he had been living this way for 20+ years. His response to his friend was that he was not called to critique the movement, but to be authentic to his call. Well, for those that now me, that was enough to stop me in my tracks.

How have I been authentic to my call? What have I done that is consistent with who I am and what I want to do in my life? As I near graduation, I truly find myself curious about which direction my life will take. And yet, having read this blurb in the journal- I wonder if it really matters so long as I am authentic to my call, to my vocation- to who I am as a woman, engaged in matters of this world! What do I need to do to ensure that all is going to be done to motivate myself away from the rut of complacency and into the life of movement.

Catching up....

2009-01-29T07:40:00.001-08:00

The picture was taken when my good friend came to visit. I am feeling very nostalgic for my friendships right now. I am so very aware that I am not alone, and have never been alone in my life. There have been times when I have felt lonely, but never alone! The picture strikes me as beautiful because there is a sense for me of community within the picture- there is the knowledge of shared laughter, companionship and a given understanding of shared identity!

I know that it has been some time since I posted on my blog…it started out as unintentional initially- just the realities of a hectic schedule this last semester. This semester started out with a bang- or rather a crash! I totaled my car in mid January and am still dealing with all that it entails. Anyways- I have been meaning to get back into the habit of my blog writing since the semester began!

I have often wondered why it seems that the things in my life- the busy “ness” seems to control and take over the things that I enjoy. Is there a reason why I put off writing? I don’t feel “gifted” at my writing. There are natural writers- those to whom the written word just bounds from with grace and ease. I feel like the klutzy wannabe sometime. Yet, despite those insecurities, I recognize a more balanced life when I do write. There is a benefit to me writing and sharing-the benefit is purely I confess for me! The outlet is as therapeutic as running till I am out of breath (or so I would guess!)

I am anticipating a more balanced semester that will naturally lead me into better practices for the coming reality of entering life in the world again. I know that I have some friends who cringe when I say this- because academia is not removed from the world- rather it is a part of it. Yet, there are realities about my life at the SOT that are far removed from the life I had be fore uprooting my existence and moving almost 1000 miles away from my home. I get a big loan check every semester in which I budget and live off of for the rest of the semester. I do not work full time for a paid position- rather I study full time and work very part time for a bit of money each month. My fun looks differently today than it has in the past.

I must also consider the friendships that I have made and maintained in my three years in Minnesota. The reality that there are so many people in my daily life who spend the time getting to know me, visiting with me on a daily basis reminds me that there is so much to give thanks for. When I consider what I have to be thankful for and what I need to remember is gift- my friendships are never far from my mind. I don’t think that I will be in a place in my life again when I will be able to devote so much time to friends, prayer, liturgy, and reading!

I have come to firmly plant myself within the liturgical makeup of the church year. I await with great excitement the seasons of Lent, Advent, Pentecost and other such wonderful celebrations each year. There is a balance in the seasoned approach and understanding of who I am as a person within the liturgy and the season of the year.

Needless to say, this is a year that I will be noting with grateful language and heart what I have been given- a good mind, a useful body, a compassionate heart… I will continue to post about twice a week! Your responses are much appreciated- and feel free to challenge my thinking!

Peace to all!

My Life...

2008-12-15T06:36:00.000-08:00

This picutre was taken November 21, 2008- It is from outside Ebenezer Baptist Church in Atlanta- it is the crypt of Martin Luther King Jr. and his wife Coretta Scott King. A holy site indeed.
It has been quite some time since I last posted on my blog. It has never been too far from my mind however. As I was going through the life of the semester- I kept acknowledging at least to myself that there were many things that happened that I wanted to share in this forum. Here is a run-down:
• New job at the Diocese of St. Cloud in the Global Missions Office- I am really enjoying my time there, and it is beneficial to see how such an office would run- should I ever go to a Diocese that would like to start a program like this- it would be great to have such a background established!
• I attended the 19th Annual School of the Americas peace vigil and protest. This was by far one of the most incredible experiences of my life! It will become an annual event for me-until the facility is closed permanently! (This will be expounded on in greater detail in a later post)
• 4 classes at School this semester: Fundamental Moral Theology- I learned so much about the church structure in this class- we were required to read Humanae Vitaea and Donum Vitaea, and while I read them both- I knew I didn’t like them- or at least agree with them, but I can at least engage the reasons why I don’t care for these documents now! Christology has been the most straining course for me this semester- Sacraments and Worship has been fantastic! I have really enjoyed the learning- and Homiletics was a good class for learning to preach in all kinds of different settings!
• I have a paper that was accepted at NALM (National Association for Lay Ministers). This is really an exciting endeavor for me to be a part of!
• I have really enjoyed my (limited) time with friends and family! My courses kept me much busier than first anticipated so as a result my time was certainly more strained than what I would prefer.
• I was able to meet Don Sailers (renowned musician, theologian, and instructor from Emory University [retired])

The semester was definitely busy for me in general. I am working again on the editorial staff of Obsculta- the SOT student journal. I have been working as well on Alum group for IWJ (the internship from the summer) called SILC. I also have been trying to take part in as many of the liturgies on campus as I can attend for the simple reason that I LOVE the liturgical presence found at St. John’s. I am trying to take part, soak up as much as I can!

We are enjoying the first blizzard of the winter right now- I have been for the most part locked up in the house since yesterday at about 2:30. I did go and study at a friends house this evening- but while I love D- it was studying- so not really my idea of a good time! I finish up with classes this week, and anticipate such a smoother semester next spring! I will be posting more often and working diligently to establish some great boundaries and habits before graduation and going back into the work force.

I would like to leave you with a quote that is on my computer screen that I find such pleasure reading everyday! It serves as such a good reminder to me!
"Hope is one of my favorite emotions because of its humility.
It's not like gladness or joy which stick around just for the good stuff.
Hope is my heart's missionary.
It humbly seeks fear and shame and hurt and befriends them.
Hope enters the very dustiest parts of my heart,
clears out the cobwebs,
and whispers of the promise of eternal perfection. "
--Maggie Lindley

Crossing the Lines of Life...

2008-11-15T14:25:00.000-08:00

A couple of years ago- about 6- I began a long and heated, passionate affair with the music of Mr. Johnny Cash. There is something very primal and very affecting about his lyrics, his voice and his music. The listener has the notion that we are glimpsing the tortured soul of this fantastic musician. His song, "Walk the Line" is singing constantly in my ears and in my soul these days.

I am getting ready in this next week to attend the 19th annual peace vigil to close the School of the Americas housed in Fort Benning, Georgia. My trip there will be a bit of a climax in the sense that I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to go until about three weeks ago. Through the gifts and generosity of others, I am able to go and participate in this action. I am looking forward to the opportunity to gather in prayer, and civil engagement.

There is the issue of “crossing the line” once I am there. I do not anticipate doing this at this point in my life. The punishment for doing this action is to be arrested (which I have no problem with) face up to 6 months in jail, and pay a fine up to $5000.00. What I find fascinating about this movement, is that there is real encouragement of discernment for those who wish to consider this action. There are lawyers on site to speak with those people who wish to consider such an action. I was watching movies about these actions in the last 19 years, and saw families who participated in these actions together- I found such commitment to be wonderful!

How does this have anything to do with me? The people that are targeted by the graduates of the SOA once they are back in their own countries are labor organizers, religious men and women and those who speak out on behalf of the poor. The senseless killing that happens in these countries is striking to me. For more information see www.soaw.org also, for those who would be concerned about a biased opinion, I would encourage you to find other sources that would present another side of the discussion.

I ask for continued prayers, and pray-ers to remember those who will be at Georgia seeking peace. I find that as life goes on, there are all kinds of lines that we are to cross. We are surrounded by lines that require a yes or nor answer- not so much a both/and approach to life, but a bit more polarizing.

2008-11-06T14:13:00.001-08:00

The Reality of Daily Living:

So, it has been some time since my last post. There have been several new things springing up in my day-to-day existence that I would love to share. As most people know we as a country elected a new president- Mr. Barack Obama. Mr. Obama will be our 44th president, and first African-American. I never really thought too much about how much race played into life in America. I suppose that fits into the reality of being white in America. After my summer in Phoenix it is something that I have not really stopped thinking about. My relationship with my identity as a white woman is not something I have spent much time thinking about in the past. Today, there seems to be much to consider and think about.

Another aspect of my life has found some momentum again. In the middle of October I was asked to participate in a rally back in Phoenix, but couldn’t go. The discernment that went with the decision was incredibly intense. I came to some realizations as a result. I recognize my need to be in deliberate solidarity with others in the world. I also recognize my need to participate in rallies or peace vigils. Participation in such events was not commonplace in my upbringing, but I have decided to make it a necessary reality in my adult life. I will be attending the 19th Annual Peace Vigil at the School of Americas in Fort Benning, Ga. I am very excited about attending this vigil. I think it will also prove to be a fruitful experience.

While these two aspects of my current life are bursting with reflection and attention, my studies have been a bit different. It is interesting to be in the last year of my studies and to feel an apathy that has not been a part of the work EVER! (at least since I began this program). I guess this just means that it is a good thing that I am not going to be a student for much longer. This is not to say that I will never set foot in a classroom again as a student, but that I am ready for the break that will come after this latest taste of academia.

Alienation

2008-10-24T21:02:00.000-07:00

This is the midday reflection I gave at prayer on the 15th. I have included the scripture it is in reference to.
Peace!!

October 21, 2008
Tuesday, Twenty-ninth week in Ordinary Time
Reading 1
Brothers and sisters:  You were at that time without Christ,  alienated from the community of Israel  and strangers to the covenants of promise,  without hope and without God in the world.  But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off  have become near by the Blood of Christ.   For he is our peace, he made both one  and broke down the dividing wall of enmity, through his Flesh,  abolishing the law with its commandments and legal claims,  that he might create in himself one new person in place of the two,  thus establishing peace,  and might reconcile both with God,  in one Body, through the cross,  putting that enmity to death by it.  He came and preached peace to you who were far off  and peace to those who were near,  for through him we both have access in one Spirit to the Father.   So then you are no longer strangers and sojourners,  but you are fellow citizens with the holy ones  and members of the household of God,  built upon the foundation of the Apostles and prophets,  with Christ Jesus himself as the capstone.  Through him the whole structure is held together  and grows into a temple sacred in the Lord;  in him you also are being built together  into a dwelling place of God in the Spirit. 

Do you have any powerful memories of something that happened when you were in kindergarten? Chances are, if you do, they will be of moments when you were very happy, very sad, very loved, or very frightened, or as St. Paul said in our reading today, moments when you felt far off or felt very near. Here's one of my kindergarten moments I was walking home from kindergarten one particular day when it was very, VERY windy. I remember clutching the door to an area business when all of a sudden it swung open! There was a big barreling man towering over me. I remember being a bit starteled, so I looked at the really ugly green carpet. He said, “I know who you are, I will take you home. Let’s go.” I couldn’t think of anything to say, but I just knew that my tummy was rolling for some reason. He drove me home in a really ugly brown car. I ran into the house to find my mom vacuuming the carpet and telling me to pack because us girls were going to stay with our grandparents that weekend. Tonight was supposed to be fun! I was going to be with Grandma and Grandpa Mougey- there would be great food- TV and really exciting games like kings in a corner, and Chinese Checkers! This was a guaranteed good time! I paused for a moment, and knew that if I told my mom I took a ride with a stranger, I would be in trouble, so I decided not to.
When it was time for dinner, we all sat down: the three girls and my grandparents. Scrambled egg sandwiches. I was going to be sick. My tummy ache from the car ride never went away. Grandpa told me to go and lie on the couch and rest for a bit. So I did, he came out and asked me what was wrong. I began to cry and told him that I had done something wrong, something that I knew I wasn’t supposed to do, but had done it anyways! I took a ride with a stranger.

Since that night in Kindergarten, I have had other experiences in my life in which I have felt really bad. I had done something wrong. As an adult, I call this alienation. Alienation comes to people in a variety of ways. For me, it came in this story when I did something that I knew was wrong, and continued by not telling my mom when I came home. Some people are challenged to stand up for what they believe in and are alienated for their strong convictions. Some people experience alienation from others by distance or inability to communicate. The main ingredient of alienation though is isolation- being separated. We can choose to continue on this path to alienation by focusing in unhealthy ways on those times in our lives when we have distanced ourselves from God’s loving embrace, and from those who embody God’s loving embrace in our daily lives.
Alienation brings up other points of concern. Alienation, while involving a central character generally brings others into grief. It is in this way that alienation is also communal. We reject those around us; we are so immersed in our own personal challenges that we forget to look at those around us who are on this journey as well. Paul calls them the “Holy Ones”. The immersion that one succumbs to in alienation is an issue of safety. We do not go out on long journeys by ourselves with out at least telling someone. It is not safe. Why would we question the road to God as being a singular experience, a journey for one? In alienating ourselves from places we belong, we sound an alarm to those around us. It is this alarm that encourages Paul to write his epistle to the Ephesians.

Paul reminds the Ephesians that we are separated right now- but there is desire to be unified with one another in our communities and with the relational, Triune God Paul glorifies in the reading. We are to create our selves anew, and to replace our older, torn versions of self. Have we done this? Have we mended our hearts from the bitterness that can creep into our lives from disappointment? Have we looked to those around us and offered help? Have we asked for help? What this will look like is different for every one. For some it is a bag of M&M’s, for others it is a call from a family member who shared some disappointing news. Regardless of what form mending comes from, it brings about relief or its own peace.
But it is not always as easy or simple as M&Ms or a phone call. Paul is encouraging the Ephesians to remember that through their (and our) belief in Jesus, and Jesus’ relationship with the other members of the Trinity, we can truly begin to understand the impact of relationships. Peace comes in relationships when encounter Christ in and with each other. There is a potential for relief in the sharing of pains and false expectations, hurts and sadness. But the wandering comes to an end- our journey finds a more distinct path. The fog isn’t so dense. We continue on our way to constant conversion and transformation, "moving in the same direction that we are, holy ones who can "bring us near when we feel far off because our relationship with them brings us to peace."

So what does peace look like when alienation has been left behind on a journey?
For me, at 6 it began with my Grandpa holding me telling me he was glad I was safe! Peace continued when my mother wrapped her arms around me and hugged me so tight the next night. How to be safe, how we can be brought beyond alienation when others embrace us with the peace of Christ is how we walk with “holy ones” on our journey.

Forgiveness...

2008-10-15T20:18:00.001-07:00

Forgiveness…what does this mean? What does this call forth? Why is it so damn hard?
The more that I have forgiven, and the more I have sought forgiveness from others- (one outweighs the others) the more I have been stumped by forgiveness. I had an ah-ha moment about a month ago on retreat in which I came to understand that true forgiveness is not a moment, but rather a continual process.
What happens when I have to forgive my church? Should it be perfect and therefore not in need of my forgiveness as a representative of the community? Should I be seeking forgiveness for thinking thoughts that are not always charitable to my church? If the church is the “Bride of Christ” (a phrase that I more often than not cringe when I hear), shouldn’t she know better than to treat people the way she does? Is it enough to know that it is not the church- but the agents that are acting through the community that are in need of my forgiveness?
I asked a woman once why she stays as a contributing member of the church which continually finds ways to limit her contributions, the contributions of gay/lesbian to name a couple. Her answer was, “ It is in my makeup-it’s a part of me-its who I am.” Ok- I can identify with that. I certainly feel that way as well, but I wonder about circumstances when the body rejects certain parts of its make up. What happens when a bone gets broken and has to be pinned or set- or even removed? Is the church like that as well? Is there a way to remove the church then? Or what if it is like an immune deficiency disease where the body will attack itself at a chromosomal level? What is the recourse for such predicaments?
How do I continue to live an authentic existence and contribute in ways that are real when I face such a struggle in my identity as a Catholic woman? There is so much beauty and tragedy that faces the church on any given day. Maybe that is why there is such a need for forgiveness.
Peace.

Authentic Madness

2008-10-04T08:26:00.000-07:00

It is no secret to those who know me that I am a bit of a fan of Jane Austen, her writing, her characters, and her stories have always delighted me. One of my favorite characters is Fanny Price from the novel Mansfield Park. Whenever Fanny is facing a difficult choice or point that requires contemplation (in the movie) she will often say,

“Run mad as often as you choose, but do not faint.”

I was watching the movie again this weekend and heard this comment in a different way than I had previously. “Mad” in this setting—for my interpretation means crazy- not committed. There can be a frantic tone to the atmosphere, but “mad” is a great Austenian term that reflects the craziness of life in general.

My life seems to every once in awhile act “mad” on its own accord, and I have no choice but to be “mad” within my own response to life. Some madness encourages destructive forces, while others encourages a range of emotions that I would die without. Madness is how I sometimes know that I am alive-breathing- a part of the greater universe. Madness encourages desires for what I know I want- companionship, love, friendship, wine, conversation, laughter. It also shows me what I may not always want- the feelings that are a part of the human experience that are painful-tears, sorrow, jealousy, insecurity, lust, depression.

Interestingly enough, we as humans can go through a day experiencing a range of these emotions in one day. Some people may shy away from such “erratic” ranges, I on the other hand look to my feelings to show me that I am still here on this planet and engaged in my surroundings. These feelings, the emotions serve as a reminder that I am here. Having dealt with my own depression- I know that when I don’t feel is when I am in trouble. Feeling is what senses energy for me. I exercise when I am upset- or ecstatic. (Since my ankle is healing this has been happening with greater frequency!!) I eat when I am by myself enjoying my own company but also when I share intimate moments with a friend, or a group of friends.

But remember- don’t stop-DO NOT faint! There is much in life when enough pause is given, that it can seem overwhelming and destructive-intimidating. Do not faint- Keep going! My father is fond of pointing out that “If you are going through hell, keep going. You might get out before the devil even knows you were there.” I think that was made into a country song a couple of years ago. Or as my mother would say, “Honey, keep your head up!” (What can I say, my parents are the best!- wise, generous, honest, loving and a bit mad in their own way!!)

So, run mad- be mad-be alive, BE!

Make your own stories!

Don’t stop! DO NOT faint!

Have faith!

Express your living in ways that reflect your heart!

Words of Wisdom

2008-10-02T09:47:00.000-07:00

I had the pleasure of listening to Dr. Wangari Maathia- the 2004 Nobel Peace Prize Recipient. She was awarded the Dignitas Humanea award- the highest honor from Saint John’s School of Theology•Seminary. There were many wise words that she imparted to the crowd- and yet I will highlight just a few.

“Most great people fall on untrodden ground.”

Our scriptures tell many of such stories, of men and women who continually fall. Whether their fall is due to their own inconsistencies, or if their fall is at the hand of another-nonetheless great people fall. But, the point of Dr. Maathai’s words is that the place where we fall is just as important. The untrodden ground also has a bearing in our scriptures. The sower throws seeds in many directions- some could even venture that it would be untrodden ground. This prompts reflection- “What kind of ground am I walking on? Am I forging a path that is unique to my experience?” Now, having questioned, I must put some disclaimer’s into the reflection. I do not mean to imply that my path will be unique- but rather, is it unique to my understanding? The other disclaimer- uniqueness should not imply a movement outside of the base of a community. Community should be at the heart of one’s experience.

“I did not go into the nunnery, but what you see is the nun in me.”

The next quote was one that I held close. When I decided to pursue ministry in parish settings- and then to go onto graduate school many people who knew me were not surprised. A question that I was asked often was “Do you plan to join a monastery or convent?” or “Have you thought about a vocation to the Religious life?”
When Dr. Maathai spoke these lines, I felt my heart skip a beat. There is such a tendency in my tradition that when a woman expresses an interest in matters of theology there is a knee jerk reaction to put her into a convent. That is not to diminish the kind words that others expressed to me. What comes to mind however, it that in order to really know myself is the fact that I do wrestle with that question on several levels. When Dr. Maathai articulated that sentiment, I felt my world come together in a manner of speaking. Such words seemed to validate the conclusions I have drawn about my own vocation and the journey I have been on as a result.

The finished result is one which reminds me of the need to pray. Maybe there should be a continued movement to pray not for vocations to the religious life or priesthood, but for clarity of direction in the lives of those who are choosing to deliberate the direction of their lives.

The Lord is my Shepherd...

2008-09-21T20:26:00.001-07:00

The Lord really is my shepherd. I believe this with my whole being. But (did you see that one coming? Yeah, me too!), I know that I am not a very good sheep. This post is not about how much of an individual I am, and ways that I can continue to be an individual within a community.

Rather, I was on retreat this last weekend. I went with two wonderful women, L and D (incidentally, I am G). We were lucky enough- graced, blessed enough to go to a cabin on the North Shore of Lake Superior about 20 miles from Duluth, MN. I took a book with me, The Way of the Heart- By Henri Nouwen. It was wonderful! The book focuses on the wisdom of the Desert Fathers and how these ancient minds approached a life of Christianity within their own modern societies. Fr. Nouwen finds three separate ways to begin this process, Solitude, Silence and Prayer.

Solitude-well, I am not very good at this, but this section of the book made me call into account a previous retreat experience. I went on a silent retreat last summer. I left after two days, instead of staying for my expected 4. I left for several reasons, most of which I related to my personal health. I was sick- and I had been struck with a couple of severe headaches. As I am not much of a pill popper it speaks to the severity of the situation that I would have been relived to have taken some Advil! Fr. Nouwen through the book spoke about the need to give into these moments. When there is not a phone to answer, a computer to tap, tap, tap away on, or an iPod to listen to- when there is just my thoughts, and myself it is no wonder that the rushing silence was deafening! So now the question I have to pose to myself is, can I do the retreat again, fully giving over to the drama of the moments, the silence, and accept the hard work that comes from a personal/private retreat?

The third section of the book was on prayer. This part served as a great reminder to me! There was a several paragraph conversation about how we as a people need to move beyond the thoughts of “ I need to pray” and to do it! Yes, I know that this is not anything new, but I pondered about this. D is trying to become a certified Natural Family Planning trainer. We began a discussion about the several different NFP methods, and one requires that a woman take her temperature before she even gets out of bed. So, then I wondered about taking my “spiritual/prayer” temperature before I got out of bed every morning. I usually remember to end my day with prayer- and you better believe that I remember to eat my evening meal- along with my morning and noon meals as well.

How does it become a continued part of our daily life and structure that prayer remains something to which we attain-strive for? Henri Nouwen suggests it is as simple as just saying, “The Lord is my shepherd,” over and over throughout our day, and before long, that sentiment is buried within our hearts.

Ripping off Band-Aids!

2008-09-17T20:44:00.002-07:00

It is such a rare treat for me that I am able to be far enough on top of my game to post more than once in a week!!! (sidenote: as I am writing this post I am listening to Iranian public classical radio! it is fantastic- and I am sporting my new specs!)

What happens when we carry anger and bitterness with us from one place to another? While the question is a bit rhetorical- it has given me some pause for consideration today.
When I first came to Minnesota, I was leaving a position- one that I cherished, but at the same time felt I had grown out of. There had been some personal tribulations that I faced, but for the most part, I really did just want to go and further my own academic career and be more engaged in my own faith and theological understandings. So, when I left, I felt I was leaving one place with a firm foundation in self. About a month before I actually left though, I received a confusing note that alluded to my work performance. I was a bit confused as that had never been a problem previously- or if it was- it was not known to me.
Before that position, I was employed at another place and left that establishment with less than stellar feelings about the town, the people, and the life of working in a church. I just received an email from my mother today who was forwarding an email to me written by a friend from this town. They are looking to hire for their church again, and the gist of a comment was, “We haven’t had a solid person in this position since the blonde (me) was here. She didn’t yell at the kids and was really involved.”
I find it amazing what time and distance will do to heal hurts. I tend to carry my hurts with me. I wear some of them as badges and others are armor. What is the need to continue to protect ourselves from these hurts? Do we think that these protections will truly keep us from being wounded again? I have been on this earth just a short time, but in that time I have adapted myself very well to the American notion of solitary existence. John Donne I think is the man that reminds us that no [hu]man is an island. We are all in this together. So me, protecting my self from hurts is pretty silly. They are going to happen, they are going to be a part of my story, but they won’t be all of my story!

The Journey of Solidarity...

2008-09-17T20:44:00.001-07:00

So, I think it would be fair to say that people know I like the word, “solidarity”. It has inhabited a part of my soul for some time now. But when asked what solidarity means to me, I struggle to find an appropriate answer. Does solidarity mean that I understand a plight of a situation? Does it illicit an emotion? Does it hint at a deeper discernment? I think that true solidarity is all of the above questions, and also more.

I became a vegetarian for reasons of solidarity. Meat was such an explicit part of my diet. I grew up in the ranchlands of the plains of North America. My Grandparents sold their ranch in the last 6 years to my uncles. Meat was more than a staple, stable part of my lived experience. It was how I understood food, life, and nourishment. I was speaking about 5 years ago with a woman who had also become a vegetarian for reasons of solidarity. She grew up in the same part of the nation as I did, and had a similar family background. She spoke of the need to be deliberate about food. She mentioned the fact that not everyone does this. I have invested much time and energy into this thinking since changing my diet.
What I come away from this experience with a stronger realization is that I am more committed to remembering others when I eat. What I put into my mouth- flavored by minerals and nutrients from the earth is refreshing, and yet, I also realize is a bit of a treat as well. I have the luxury to be in solidarity. I have the luxury to decide what I will consume and how I will choose to eat.

During the summer I came a different understanding of this all. The men that I was working with were pretty curious about my reasons, granted I didn’t say because of issues of social justice and to reflect a sense of solidarity. The workers were appalled that I would not only refuse to eat carne (beef), but also that I would not even eat pollo (chicken). I found it fascinating that meat is not synonymous with both types of meat.

So what else can I do to be in solidarity? My prayer life is a fundamental aspect of my day, yet, how do I encapsulate such a basic part? Will prayer—the discipline of prayer has the ability to cause such a disruption in my life as my eating habits? What are the prayers of my daily living? How do I encompass this living—this prayer ever day? Is this choice that I make, to pray, to be spiritually healthy, one that I find fulfilling? Satisfying? Is life notoriously going to be fulfilling with or without a life of solidarity and prayer?

Wean me from this life, O Lord.

2008-09-11T08:54:00.001-07:00

“Wean yourself from this life of expectations; dream yourself into that situation. Wean yourself out of comfort.” ~Fr. Mark Thmert, OSB (Academic Convocation and Matriculation, 9:00 am, August 27, 2008).

I have been craving (wanting does not emphasize the feeling regarding this saying) the time to write on this quote for awhile, but my schedule just continues to get hectic and crazy. The imagery that Fr. Mark used to explain this idea of “weaning” ourselves was of a calf. This struck me specifically because I remember being on my Uncle Jim’s ranch and a pen was built on the lawn because a calf needed to be weaned. The bawling from the calf was incredible, and every once in a while we could hear the heifer bawling back from the corral.
I have been pondering a lot about what I need to be weaned from. I could make a list, it would be extensive, and yet, I still don’t know that the list would be necessary. Let’s just say that my closet is full of clothes, my belly is always filled with nutritious foods, I have a beautifully warm and comfortable bed to sleep in, and have a lot of books, music and varieties of teas to keep me satisfied.
I would say however that I have weaned myself out of comfort for the last two years. I have not been earning a paycheck that allows for mobility that I enjoyed before going back to school, the rigors of academic life have brought their own challenges. I have discussed that enough in previous posts, but needless to say, I stand by my quote from the first week of school-two years ago, “I sure didn’t come to grad school for an ego boost!”
Humility is a virtue that I embrace when I need to, but for the most part, don’t really think too much about. My level of confidence is sometimes misconstrued, and I am for the most part comfortable thinking that the misinterpretation says more about the misinterpreter than it does about me. Yet, I do find myself doing some interior naval gazing to see what the problem could be, “Why would this person say what they said? Don’t they know that the comment was hurtful?” The bottom line, I can wean myself from this thinking. This doesn’t mean that I will not listen to constructive criticism, but, more than being constructive, I will be weaning myself from language that is harmful, (yes, my friends, I will be practicing custody of the tongue-what will I have to say that won’t include a 4 letter word…I don’t know, but I bet it won’t take me to long to find out!) but also, I will be weaning myself from the harsh language of others.

Back on Track!

2008-09-05T13:34:00.000-07:00

It has been sometime since I have blogged- I think the longest amount of time on record. I have begun my final year of Graduate school in Theology. I never really thought about getting to this point in the game. The last two years have been basically spent treading water, sometimes with a little floaty to help, and other times without. Let’s just say that my floaties were family and friends. It was interesting to note that when I needed a floaty, there was always, and I am not exaggerating ALWAYS a floaty there for me.
I have spent a lot of time these last two weeks re-examining relationships. John Mark is still in Africa- and apparently lovin’ it despite my very noticeable absence. Such is life. I remember my first class with him. He sat next to me the first day of classes last year. We really didn’t know each other very well, but were both in relationships that were ending. We allowed ourselves to see past some misery and saw some real special ties to each other. I have always said, “He would be perfect for me- to bad I am not his type. Pretty sure we would be married already.” I am pretty sure I am perfect for him, except for some little discrepancies. Regardless, there is such a heart felt tenderness, affection and love.
I was thinking back to one of the best times that I have had here in MN, and it interestingly involves Mr. JM. It was one of my last days up here before I left for my internship, and we decided to spend the whole day together. I had been noticeably strapped for cash pretty much all year. I got my summer student loan check and decided to splurge by buying him a going away present. I did that, picked him up and we went to the grocery store and bought a deli salad, some oranges, water, diet coke for me (I was still drinking caffeine then) and some great crusty bread and some beautify Brie cheese, and of course a new People magazine! We went to the flower gardens by the river in St. Cloud. We sat and talked, laughed, read, maybe even cried a bit (I think that was me again…). It was such a beautiful day to me.

I have been able to have a lot of days that would be classified as wonderful, fabulous and even magnificent. I feel that way especially after my first week of classes. I will be excited to continue this semester. I am taking Christology- the study of Christ, his life, his death and resurrection, and also studying the soteriological (salvific) nature of his role in the world. The Theology of Sacraments and Worship is my next class, which will be wonderful. It is an examination of ritual and roles in the church and the examination of sacraments in the church. Fundamental Moral Theology is on Thursday nights. It should be a fascinating look at what is meant when authorities make decisions about morality- and who decides who has authority, and who gives the authority away. My final class is Homiletics. Giving a homily-ahhhh- I am really excited about that class. I haven’t given a homily since I was at the Newman Center, (I have given some reflections here and there). I love public speaking! Really enjoy all that it entails, and I think for the most part, do a fair job.

continuing...?

2008-08-24T16:23:00.000-07:00

The Abbey Bell Banner on a Sunday morning after a BEAUTIFUL rain!

Well, I have settled back into my own regime. I love change, crave diversity and still would like to some sense of consistency with the change as well. Many people know that I love movies (that is a bit of an understatement), and since I was on the move most of the summer I think I only watched 3 movies on DVD. I went to the theatre twice. In an effort to regain a sense of normalcy I have been constructively procrastinating all weekend. I went and rented 6- yes, that is right, six movies. All were great choices, and their variety was astounding. I picked out two movies with subtitles-Spanish. Almost Black, Dark Blue is a great movie-I highly recommend it!

So, while I am certainly settling back into life here in Minnesota, I am also trying to figure it all out. In a previous post I wrote about my need to maintain some of the urgency and desire to continue working in the field of worker justice. I would most likely qualify this as a call- but there is still a need to discern, set some perimeters, and to also be fully present and engaged in my life here in Minnesota. One way that I am able to do this, well continue this trend is that yesterday, before I went to the movie store, I went to the Farmer’s Market here in St. Joe.

It seems that most of my final year will continue to be balancing who I am with the reality of any choices, decisions I will be making. In order to do this, apparently I will need to rearrange and prioritize my goals.

Quote/Question

2008-08-20T20:50:00.001-07:00

“Do you really have to be the ice queen intellectual or the slut whore? Isn’t there some way to be both?” ~Susan Sarandon

I came across this quote from my daily calendar on May 14. I have been chewing on this statement all summer and thinking about how it applies to my life. I have written about my personal transformation over the last few years. This also includes my view of sexuality, and also the importance that we place on sex. When there are so many difficult situations that are real in our world why does it still seem that sex is the number one sin that we focus on? I think it is far more scandalous that employers are not meeting the needs of their employees; that children are going to bed with empty stomachs; that there is still not a cure for the cancers that ravage our populations.

The statement poses a dynamic of what is potentially viewed as opposites. If I conclude that opposites still do attract, then wouldn’t it make sense that these two realities of personhood can exist in one person/woman? I have read this dichotomy in romance novels (when I was reading them instead of reading about Trinitarian relationship, and Papal Encyclicals). I would then venture that if this situation is being written about in popular romance novels (I am specifically thinking of Nora Roberts- one of my favs.), then there is truth to the situation. As there is nothing really new presented into these books- and are more of an escape from reality for the reader, I wonder what reality is the reader escaping from? Is the Intellectual ice queen tired from the reality of rigors of the mind, and is the slut whore tired of the reality of rigors of the body? Or is the escape something else and the blend of these two personalities something to escape to? I think that there is a way to blend both, but I also think that society is still intimidated by women who are in full possession of their mind and sexuality for the most part. This is nothing new, and women add to the problem by playing one part over the other and not being fully engaged in all that the world calls us to. Balance and moderation are key I think. What do you think?

All is well that ends well...

2008-08-14T06:36:00.000-07:00

I didn’t get arrested…
Starting again at some level is not a new experience for me. The past few years in my life I recognize my desire to start again, to begin again to undergo metanoia. Change in life scares some people. Heights scare me. I like to think that I am open to more change today than I have been in the past- though I don’t think I have ever shied away from change. I am beginning to transition back into life away from Phoenix. I am back in Chicago for debriefing until Friday.
My last weekend was great—but also brought up new understandings once again. I went with J and his partner M to Tucson for the night on Saturday. We viewed Karchner Caverns. The Caves are a relatively new discovery. They have been opened to public viewing since 1999. It was an intense viewing-magnificent. I have never been inside a cave like that before and was stunned by the depth of the cave, the colors, and the beauty. Why is it that as humans we tend to just look at the surface and see beauty there and hesitate to examine below surfaces? Is there an ingrained need to just understand at face value? How can we continue to challenge ourselves to look below- or even beyond?
We woke up on Sunday and decided to go to Mexico- Rocky Point on the Gulf of California. It was the first time I have ever swam in an ocean. It was absolutely gorgeous and awe inspiring. J and M were so much fun! It was a great time, and we all had great food. They treated me to a real Mexican Raspado (it is like a snow cone on steroids). The drive back to the states was also incredible because the beauty of the mountains which was fantastic- and the fact that they were surrounded by cactus is still phenomenal to me.
We pulled up to the border and began our wait to cross back into the United States. When we finally got to the person who was checking ID’s she asked for ours, we handed ours to her. All three of us had our Driver’s Licenses. Our conversation with her was strained as she immediately became defensive. “Where are you passports?” “Oh” I said, “I don’t have mine.” “Well, how do I know that you are a citizen?” was her response. “You realize that you are now a registered non-compliant citizen now!” All I could think was, “Well, that will suffice for now.”
So, jokingly my goal has been to get arrested. I tease about this desire-I think mostly because of the notion of civil disobedience. What a message about what I believe that I would feel so strongly on an issue, that I would be willing to spend time in jail. Well, it seems that me being a non-compliant citizen is as good as it is going to get for me right now. What I did walk away from this experience with was more questions about immigration issues in the United States. People want to come to the United States? Great- let them come in! There is plenty of room for everyone. These are the principles this country was founded upon. One of the biggest arguments I have heard was about the number of criminals that came into the United States. We have always had criminals, crime was not a disease that was brought here by others- we are humans with the ability to make choices, and people have always made different choices- it has nothing to do with who is allowed to be a member of a specific society.
I am now in Chicago for the de-briefing segment of the summer. Interestingly enough, while I appreciate this opportunity to debrief, I feel that I will be debriefing for the next year. We talked today about what we can do for ourselves, what will be important to maintain the ferocity of the experiences of the summer. While this summer shared moments of fun and frustration, the internal transformation that I underwent was the most significant outcome.
I had my laughs, tears, shared frustrations. All in all it was just another summer- THAT ROCKED!

Time is marching on...

2008-08-07T21:47:00.000-07:00

The pictures are from this morning. On our way to the picket line. Walking the picket line. The group of workers that I spent the summer with including my supervisor's son. Me, after the picket line.

“Challenges make you discover things about yourself that you never really knew. They’re what make the instrument stretch—what makes you go beyond the norm.” ~Cicely Tyson

This was the quote from my daily calendar. Today was an incredible day. I went to the picket line with the workers I have been with all summer and the painters. It was a marked difference between the picket line in Chicago when we marched around the block, to today's march with just a small tribe of men, one woman, and one child marching for better working conditions for painters. Most of the chants were in Spanish, though some were in English. It was a very different, but much more intimate in feeling. I was much more connected to these men. They have seen me all summer going into the offices and have been working with me.

I have faced many challenges this summer, most significantly was a language barrier. I began the summer struggling to understand. My first day, I remember that F. my supervisor did not speak to me at all in English. I knew he could speak, but he told me through another co-worker's translation that he wanted to make sure that I learned Spanish, and so would only speak Spanish to me. His insistence changed however when he learned that I was here to learn from him, from this experience, and that I really did want to learn Spanish. I hope that I can continue to learn this language as I get back into the swing of school.

One of the starker realities that I have continued to encounter over and over again is being the “token”. I have told the workers that it doesn’t bother me on their behalf to walk into a building and to be treated a certain way by the professionals that we ask to speak with. What I find disturbing by this “tokenistic” trend is what this says about the Anglo community. Is this community that I have grown up in so afraid something different- of people who are different that we cannot acknowledge our commonalities? While I do recognize that this does not affect just the Anglo community, I have only witnessed this in this context. I guess the bottom line for me is the overwhelming disappointment of what this means for humanity.

I have two more work days here in Phoenix. I am facing the very real problem of trying to remain affected by these circumstances when I will be living 1725 miles away or roughly 26 hours. Is out of sight really out of mind? Does absence make the heart grow fonder?

Tomorrow...updates....

2008-08-06T17:23:00.000-07:00

My week is wrapping up very quickly. Due to poor timing, since every single person in the greater Phoenix area seems to go on vacation during the summer, we were unable to secure enough people to go on our delegation for the pray in tomorrow afternoon. Having said that, I will be participating at the picket line tomorrow with the other workers. We are going to show our support with some other workers who are on strike. They are painters. Their claims of injustice are just as horrific as the GWE workers.
As I look back to this adventure-this time in my life I do wonder how I got here. I don’t think that this occurred by accident-rather, I think it was through very deliberate choices that I made in my life. I think that I can look very specifically to the time right after my divorce as the time where I began to live with deliberate existence. I became much more aware of political scene, what I eat, what I buy and how I try to engage in the world around me.
As I went through my childhood I heard from my parents over and over that they just wanted me to be happy. At the retreat that I went to last weekend, I was reminded about the importance of words. There is a something more important than being happy-joyous is a much more inclusive-encompassing term. I can certainly identify with joy.

Musings and general thoughts...

2008-08-05T10:20:00.000-07:00

The picture is from my trip to the Grand Canyon in July.

It has been a while since I have posted. My 4 days away were great. It was fantastic to see friends, celebrate and revel in the intimacy of my cohort peers. There is a real connection that binds the men and women of the SOT (school of theology). It was great. Interestingly enough, my first couple of days spent I felt alarmingly drawn to what I was missing in Phoenix. I knew that there were several aspects of our current plan and agenda that needed to be dealt with. I certainly knew that they would be worked on (I am just an intern after all), but nonetheless, I did wonder what was happening. As time passed, I felt my life in Phoenix not placing such a level of prominence in my mind anymore. My level of enthusiasm in explaining what I had done certainly waned. By the time Sunday came around, there was not really anything left to say, my level of energy had been drained.

Monday, I went to the B-TOP to work, and when I pulled the jeep into the parking lot there was a HUGE mobile Phoenix police unit parked with a couple of police cars as well. People were milling around the parking lot. My first thought-“Did something happen to one of the workers?” At that point, several of the men came around the corner. They were walking to their cars, and I asked JM what had happened. His response, “They found a body over in the corner of the parking lot, there was a murder.” My heart stopped. The area where the office is located is certainly not the worst location, but there is a lot of activity that could be viewed as sketchy. I asked where F. was (my supervisor from the Union). He was in his truck and I hurried over. “Is it safe for me to stay here and work by myself?” I asked. “Yes,” was the hesitant response, “Why wouldn’t it be?” “Because of the murder!” F. looked around and saw the vehicles and began to laugh. I was ready to go into a tyrad about every person’s human dignity and it finally dawned on me what happened. I turned to look for JM and he was in his car, watching this interplay. I saw the smile on his face, the glee at finally having played a joke on me! I pretended to run after him and he just sped away.

I went into the offices feeling much lighter than when I first started my day out. J (my other supervisor) came in and gave me a hug, with huge statements of how much he missed me. I started a bit of reflection at that point. My enthusiasm had been affected as my time in Minnesota wore on simply because I recognized that my time in Phoenix was closing in on me. To say that I had been affected by my time in Arizona would be an understatement. Transformation is not a word bandied about in the B-Top offices. I have been greatly affected by my time here.

So I have a question, What does transformation look like in your life experiences? How do we as men and women of Christ encounter transformation in the ordinary?

My final week in Phoenix has begun. I anticipate that we will not be doing our final action on Thursday. There seems to be a lot of clergy men and women who are still out of town, and in our letter we stated 10 people would be attending the meeting, and to show up with less would be to discredit the seriousness of this action, the campaign, and the workers issues with this company. It may be done more effectively in September or October.

Winding down...but not out!

2008-07-29T22:48:00.000-07:00

My postings this week will most likely not be as long. I am traveling to Minnesota from mid-week to Sunday. I am going to be participating in a great retreat!
In anticipation of the week not all at work- I met with the workers today at noon to let them know what I have spend the summer doing. I laid out the original plan that is now altered and will produce an end result (hopefully) with the director of planning and building for the diocese. Next, I told the guys about the delegations that I have gone on with Joseph to all the different churches, the meetings that we have had with the different men and women. Bulletin announcements were next on the agenda. It took some explaining, but the guys got the gist and were glad. Another step was a letter to the president of a construction company here in Phoenix who has refused to meet with workers and other community organizers. I drafted the letter, had it approved by my supervisors, sent to legal and signed by the IWJ-Arizona affiliate Director. We will be conducting a “pray-in” because we do not anticipate that he will want to meet with us. This seems to be my seminal project for my CPE.
Of all the projects that I explained to the workers over the hour-long meeting, this got the most reaction. The workers have been escorted off the building premises several times because this man refuses to meet and have a conversation with the workers.
Have a great week, if you are also traveling, be safe and enjoy!

Prayer

2008-07-24T17:05:00.000-07:00

I composed this prayer for the workers at the request of my supervisor.

God of Humanity,
You make us ever mindful of the need for creative expression in our work and our lives. Continue to form our understanding of creative labor. Transform the minds and hearts of those who guide our trainings for safe labor practices. Enable those who we encounter on a daily basis to be open to hearing of the challenges we your children are facing. Remind us of our own responsibility to speak against the injustices done to your people-the Body of Christ here on earth. Help us, as we continue to struggle for the dignity and worth of all your children.
We ask this in your name, through the redemption of Jesus Christ your son, and by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Amen.

Time Out!

2008-07-23T22:41:00.000-07:00

So, my summer is about 2/3 over. I have been working lots, but there has also been some great play time. I have been to Las Vegas, the Grand Canyon, and one of the local lakes (note the photo-after that picture I immediately turned into a lobster!-oh but also check out the mountains behind me!!!) I have developed some great relationships with people down here. It has been a fun, challenging and provoking time.

I have done quite a bit of thinking over the summer, and trying to figure out what exactly this all means for me. I have had several conversations in the last couple of weeks with different people asking me what my plans are after graduation. Since I really have no idea, I really have nothing to say. I just resort to my old standby. Move to Rome, get a realtor’s license and put the Vatican up for sale and feed Africa for eternity.

So as I declare a time out, and try to pause for some reflection, I am no closer to solving this puzzle of my life right now. I spoke with John Mark last night (one of my best friends and greatest men I will have the opportunity to meet) and he was so affirming, and was certainly not surprised when I articulated that I wanted to think more seriously about religious organizing. (I need to do something that obviously allows for religious and faithful expression.)

I see that there is a potential for great movement and ability to allow for transformation within the lives of people. I have been participating in weekly meetings about how to organize. Since this is still new for me, I feel that there is so much for me to learn. One of the points established early on was that we speak for ourselves, and not for others. I have thought about this rule a lot in the last couple of weeks. What does it mean when I “advocate” or “speak” for others? There is a desire for redemption- is that why I feel such strong pangs to be involved in these issues of immigration, worker’s rights, environmental concerns and peace prospects. Is it enough for desire? Does there have to be more? What else is needed?

Economic Justice for All...

2008-07-18T11:31:00.000-07:00

There are two quotes that I wish to share with you today. There are from the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops (USCCB) Economic Justice for All written in 1986. As some of you may know, I have fallen into a tumultuous and passionate relationship with the writings of my Catholic Tradition. I was always able to dismiss these writings as having no bearing on me personally. They were written by men, who wear dresses, etc.-that might be a slight exaggeration, but certainly not far from the mark. Well, since coming to the SOT, I have not been able to dismiss so easily these writings. I am grateful for this transformation. I see God much more in the ambiguity that I encounter in this Church, the people, and the Traditions.

“Whenever our economic arrangements fail to conform to the demands of human dignity lived in community, they must be questioned and transformed.” §28.

and

“Every human person is created as an image of God, and the denial of dignity to a person is a blot on this image.” §40.

Economic Arrangements: The struggle that I continue to encounter is how to live, live when I am comfortable, others are not, and not be torn apart with guilt. Guilt is a funny animal. It serves as a reminder that there are inconsistencies. As some fellow classmates and I joked about in our Social Teachings class, we are learning about the poor, and taking notes on our brand new laptops. Is that a disconnect? Maybe, and maybe not. The computer can be seen as a tool of our trade. It makes sense to have a reliable system and method to ensure the best possible learning. Is it necessary? Well, most likely that is up to the person. It certainly added to the ease of my semester to have a laptop at my disposal.

The other part of the teaching that has been a struggle is the idea of not giving out of my excess, but rather, to give out of my means- what I have NOW! I can’t help but to think that Suze Orman would differ, (I can’t say for sure since I have not called into her show to know for sure…but…) It seems that I have been able to become commonplace about my own abilities to give, and can downplay my responsibility to give. After all, I am only a student! And yet…

One of the letters that I initially composed for the campaign I was working on, deals specifically with the quote from §40. The idea that we are able to continue to blot out our brothers and sisters, their needs and their hardships is a denial of God- again! It is to easy to think of sin and only put sin a context and frame of personal infractions, “I did this to God, I did this to someone who I know,…” How many times do I call into attention how I typically deny those I don’t know? Is this what solidarity means? Is this what it means to be in community with one another? Is it to be so aware of what others tragedies and hardships are that I am able to call into account how I contribute to this ongoing problem?

Obviously, I will not be able to answer these questions, not would I answer them in a blog-too personal, but I have been thinking about these types of questions more and more. On Monday, I will be attending the 2nd meeting of how to Organize within a small community. I am really excited about this!

Please continue to pray for transformation in each other!
(the photo was taken on the 5th anniversary of the workers strike at the Congress Hotel in Chicago- the signt says, "All religions believe in justice.")

Productive Discomfort Zones and Me

2008-07-15T21:30:00.000-07:00

I was reading my friend Laura's blog( see the link)-and she was writing about stepping out of her comfort zone. I was a bit amazed- because that is a phrase I heard last night. I was definitely out of my comfort zone. I was attending part 1 of a 7 week “class” on how to do community organizing. The people that were gathered had a specific target in mind- the elections in November and specifically how to ensure that the sheriff of Maricopa County, Joe Arpio is not re-elected. The speaker, a local community organizer used the term “productive discomfort zone”. I readily identified with this term.

Since I have been here in Arizona I have found myself getting more and more agitated about the circumstances that I hear about here in Maricopa County. I wonder about my ability to live in this kind of environment, and really struggle even with the selfishness of this questioning. I am not the target, I am just someone who has a voice-which I recognizes bears responsibility to speak for those who cannot speak for themselves.

I was listening to a program on NPR, and was intrigued by the woman who was speaking out a couple of years ago against a Worker’s Rights Center being built in their West Virginia neighborhood. This woman was insistent that before the Center be built, the people who would frequent such a building should learn proper English (speech and writing), proper use of electrical appliances (huh?) and proper hygene practices. [*Sidenote: I think I sucked the air out of the office after hearing this woman.]
Needless to say, I think that I have been living in my productive discomfort zone. I anticipate that I will continue to live in this ambiguous state as I continue to live here in Phoenix. It on a whole is a great community, and is awesome to see so many people who gather to learn how to educate themselves, and demand the change in the systems.

I will be visiting the Grand Canyon this weekend, so there will be some great pics and I am sure some musings next week.

Liturgical Beauty...

2008-07-13T19:20:00.000-07:00

It has been a summer of working, doing service. I haven't really made that much of an effort to participate in liturgical services since I have been here. Liturgical services (Mass) have been generally been an important part of my life and expression of faith. My fear is that I have become a bit of a liturgy snob since going to school at the Liturgical school of the world!

I went to mass today with Joseph. The music was a strong reminder that I am not in Collegeville. There was a “wejus” prayer over the visiting Maryknoll priest at the end that was impromptu, and for a moment I thought I was in a different church.
That being said- the bad music aside- everyone was singing! Instead of exiting with crying babies from the church, mothers stood with babies in their arms and rocked them quietly while remaining in the pew. The greeting at the beginning of Mass- before the opening prayer was genuine and friendly- people who were a “stretch” for me to reach were not content with a friendly wave hello-they made the move to shake my hand and say hello. The entire community responded to questions with words and gestures. It was a “physical” liturgical celebration, down to the procession that every one took to put their contributions in the basket by the altar.
Needless to say, this was a very moving liturgy for me to participate in with this fantastic community. Thanks St. Matthews Catholic Parish in Phoenix, Arizona.

God is...

2008-07-10T15:59:00.001-07:00

“Let nothing bother you
Let noting dismay you
Everything passes
Patience gains all
God alone is enough”
~St. Teresa of Avila
I found this quote again in the book that I am reading for my ILP. (The book is delightful and prompts great examinations.)
I found the prayer of St. Teresa profound for my week. My week consisted of no delegations (so far), very little interaction with the strikers, and mostly meetings with area priests and pastoral workers. All of the meetings have been fruitful in their own right- some we will be visiting again simply because there is more there that we are going to be able to do. Others, we will not visit again-because they are already set.
Let nothing bother you…there are times when I really have to wonder how the situation got to the point where I am called to this part of the world. How could things have disintegrated so far that it is even necessary to have people employed to speak and advocate for the needs of others.
Let nothing dismay you…I continue to seek God in the daily living here in Phoenix. It seems easier sometimes than others. I was driving with Joseph, my supervisor from a meeting with a member of the staff at the ASU Newman Center and a police officer was sitting in his pickup truck with the air conditioner on, full blast watching a group of Hispanic men cross the street away from him. I am trying to find God more and more often. Most often I encounter God when I am speaking to the strikers.
Everything passes…my time here in Phoenix is slipping away. I would love to see this plan and project through to the end, yet I know that this is not possible. It seems to go against my nature to begin something and then not see it through. I can think of 3 times in my life where this has happened. This project will make 4. Interesting.
Patience gains all…I am NOT a patient person. Enough said.
God alone is enough…in our reflection time today, I spoke about the word abide. We are told that if we abide in Jesus, Jesus will abide in us. I found this to be comforting. It served to remind me that this is not all dependent upon me, my supervisors, or even the strikers. Whatever the motivation we come to this journey with, I find comfort in remembering that this is not about me- and that I am able to be in solidarity with my brothers and sisters.

So, to answer my statement- God is everywhere. God is here in the imperfections of the people. God is in the tears, the laughter and the hearts of people.

Time moves on...

2008-07-08T19:08:00.000-07:00

So the excitement of my time here has subsided- I have settled into a bit of a routine. I still find the work invigorating, and just what I want. I have been pulled off delegations again-but I imagine it is just for a little while. I am in the middle of composing some letters that will be submitted to different parishes for the consideration of the pastor and the parish community. Next, I am going to be putting together some binders for the submission process-more on that later.
I have not been able to get together for theological reflection—so I find myself trying to figure out how God is present in these situations. I have written a bit about the racism that I have seen in my time down here. What I have not spent to much time thinking about or writing about is what I see as the churches response to these issues. The bishop of the diocese of Phoenix-Bishop Olmstead published a document on immigration in the diocesan paper- The Catholic Sun. So it seems that there is education (somewhat from the authority of the church) that is going on within the faith tradition that I am a part of. Yet, I still have a sense of outrage on behalf of those here. I wonder about harnessing the outrage. I think that outrage is an unsung tool. There is so much to be outraged about.
• Living Wages
• Affordable Health Care
• Safe Working Conditions
• Sick Days and Vacation Days
• Adequate safety and Vocational Training
• A voice on the job and the ability to participate in workplace decisions
What happens when we as a society refuse or struggle to take care of one another when we are working? I understand the need for a company to make profits- and the risk that is a natural bi-product of those profits. My issue stems from when those profits risk the health and well being of those who are bringing about the profits, literally by the sweat of their brow. I think that God is here, God is present I in the faces of the men and women that I am working with.

Service

2008-06-30T20:29:00.000-07:00

Service means to be of purpose-to have intent in an every day pursuit. I ensure that I am of service to others through my commitment to prayer for personal service. By maintaining my own personal relationship with the Divine, I am able to be a more effective human. I find that I am more giving, more thoughtful, deliberate, and careful. Joy and optimism seem to also stem from personal service of prayer. Service also means that after care for self- I seek to be of help to those around me. I do this most effectively by finding a subject that I am passionate about, and committing myself to the project. While I continue to work on this CPE, I continue to find myself more and more drawn to this work. There have been some downs, but certainly more inspirational ups throughout. Granted, it has been only 3 weeks, but I find this service to be some of the most rewarding work I have ever done.
I make sure that I am of service to others by continually reevaluating my own personal philosophies. I reevaluate how I spend money, who I spend time with, and what I do with all my gifts and talents. The question then begins to transform to “What do I do?”
I make the commitment to my community because I feel very strongly that there are ways that I am called to be of service. I will continue to participate in different activities, and community organizations until these aspects of life are no longer relevant.

Compassion

2008-06-25T09:43:00.000-07:00

It's a new dawn, a new day, and I am feelin' fine!

This half of the week will be a bit different for the first half of the week. Joseph, one of my supervisor's has pulled me off delegations, and we are going to be pounding the pavement/ringing the bells (phones) of local churches to arrange meetings. So, for this week, no more delegations- though yesterday I was able to participate in the most profound of delegations that I have seen so far. The gentleman that we spoke with was by far the most receptive and made sure that the strikers knew he felt their issues were a priority. He took over 3 pages of notes! It was so affirming.

Continuing my reading in the book, "Of Human Hands" I want to share a selection from chapter 6, pg. 51:"Compassion, however is the most vital tool of my trade...Often a single words of understanding or a mere look of genuine concern is just the right dose of medicine to help heal a bruised heart...The real rewards are invisible and intangible. They are the warm feelings that penetrate my soul and the personal satisfaction at the end of my working day. It's these that assure me that I have done God's work and have done it well!"

When I reflect on the idea of a job well done I immediately go back to my childhood. We (the Mougey Children) had job lists on days off from school, and most of the summers as well. While we would never have admitted such thinking on our own, when prompted we would acknowledge that a sense of pride and satisfaction was a part of the pay off for our work around the house. That sense of satisfaction continues to guide me through every endeavor. Very rarely do I leave a job/vocation without a feeling of satisfaction- knowing that I have done my best-and feeling well regarded by the community I am leaving behind. The men that I am working with this summer are facing the notion that their regard for their work doesn't matter-the bottom line of what can get done the quickest, with the least amount of money is the outcome. I think that is a crime! Humans by their very nature are creative (we create children, pictures, music, art,-we even call it MAKING love!)and when the creative nature of humanity is denied, it is not long before we begin to see other human elements begin to disappear. The strikers say, "They treat us like their animals, they take better care of their machines than they do of us. If a machine breaks down, it gets fixed, if we get sick because of dehydration, we get sent home." What about the hospital?

It seems that there is a real sense of compassion missing from their work, from their boss, and at large, from the community.

The End of Week 1-Perseverance

2008-06-22T21:05:00.000-07:00

My First Week…
Officially, I love this work! I think if the rest of my time was like this first week- this experience will be all that I had hoped for. I find the work very challenging, fluid, and life giving. Three of the five work days I got up at 4:00 am (I was very impressed with myself). My days were made up of getting picked up by the workers, checking out work sites to see if other companies were still hiring the company that the workers were striking from. There are a couple sites that have contracted with the company. After checking the work sites, we went out and did some hand billing. Hand billing is handing out papers that reveal that companies are still hiring this company that the abuses their workers. (The police were called on Tuesday, and I was chosen to speak to them.) Delegations followed for the rest of the morning, and three evenings found me attending meetings with another supervisor who is dealing mostly with the religious communities and other community organizations.
Another highlight was on Thursday we went to a rally at the city offices to protest the blatant waste of money that the Sheriff of Maricopa County was able to justify. Currently, he is the only Sherriff in the United States to not carry a firearm because he has a law suite against him (he has been sued concurrently for the last 10 years).
I am reading a book-Of Human Hands: The Christian at Work in the World, A Reader in the Spirituality of Work. Jeff Behrens writes on page 33,
God would have enjoyed every tale of woe and promise and found something of himself in each person there. Their lives were such a potpourri of goodness and wisdom, tempered b the brute numbness of factory labor and the unfairness of the way things are when the lack of power and money afflict human life. There was something sacramental to it all.
I found this section to be so profound. There is a goodness in the struggle that these workers are undertaking. Granted the workers have been facing this struggle for the last 3 years, but the perseverance in which they continue their stand for justice is based out of a loyalty for their friends and family who still work for this company. The workers are fighting and remaining in this struggle for the common good. That is the innate goodness that is present in their lives.

Day 1-All Religions Believe in Justice

2008-06-16T17:57:00.000-07:00

I am finished with my first day of work. That is a bit of an understatement, since I had been participating in orientation with other IWJ summer interns last week. My time in Chicago was great- and there was great discussion about the history of unions, and a greater understanding of our own rolls with the unions over the summer (see previous post for more detailed explanation).

My day began at 6:00 am. Interestingly enough, I was on time. As mornings are not necessarily my most productive time, I myself was a bit skeptical. I spent an hour and a half going over the history of the AFL-CIO and the Ironworkers Union in Arizona-specifically rebar workers. At about 8:30 I left with Felipe and about 7 other men with Union to go on Delegations. (A Delegation is when a group of workers go as a group to inform local businesses and owners about the abuses of possible employers that they could come into contact with.) Today we went to an area business owner who is possibly going to hire the company that the rebar workers are striking against. Next, we met with the city manager of Tempe, and finally with an accountant for another construction company.

It seems that my day is going to consist of early mornings, with hand-billings (fliers that tell the story of the workers, and we hand them out at the work site where other workers are not striking-in an attempt to inform them that there is a way to deal with the injustices and abuses happening on the work site) more delegations, afternoons essentially off and meetings in the evenings with area religious groups or organizations. So as I plan to continue to work, I have begun to wonder, what does work mean to us? How do we value the work that we do?

fUnKY GuPpIes

2008-06-12T09:31:00.000-07:00

The last couple of days have been filled with intense learning, prayer, and continued discernment about the summer that is to come. I have been barraged with stories of workers facing injustices in the workplace over and over. I sometimes find myself feeling a bit overwhelmed by the sheer volume of the men and women who continue to be exploited by the companies and men and women who profit from their labors. The excerpt found on the statue of Liberty, “Give me your tired, your weak and your poor…” are still there. They have not been erased though they have I am sure been eroded through pollution and just weather wear. The greeting that my ancestors read as they sailed the Atlantic Ocean is the message that is not being relayed to the workforce presently in America.

Walking through downtown Chicago- there are taxis everywhere. I was so tempted after hearing about the Taxi-Divers Campaign in Nashville, TN to ask each individual driver if they were unionized. I was visiting with fellow interns about the reality of our lives being forever changed. I will not be able to go into a hotel without examining or researching whether or not the hotels have union contracts for their employees. Tomorrow, in the afternoon, we will be as a group joining the longest workers strike in America today. The Congress Plaza hotel has refused to negotiate a contract with their employees for the last five years. There has been an individual striking everyday-24/7 for the last five years! What a testament to the spirit of these men and women, and the validity to their campaign.

I continue to be reaffirmed in my decision to have been a part of this organization. Some clarifications have been made that I would like to post on the blog simply because I want to be clear about what I will be doing this summer. I will NOT be working for a labor organization. Instead, I will be working with religious leaders, encouraging them to organize on behalf of the workers to speak about the human dignity of work, and how a just wage and benefits are great not only for employees to adopt (increase public morale) but to also see that it is great for the work force of America. Essentially, this is an issue of poverty. To continue to eradicate poverty from our world, religious leaders can speak on behalf of their congregations to alert the business communities that just wage/living wage is an important issue.

*I have learned some more information about my stay in Phoenix, and will be joining an already existing campaign. I will be leading and organizing delegations of clergy men and women to fight for the rights of the men and woman of the Great Western Campaign for the Iron Workers Union. Please continue to keep me in prayer that I may continue to be a vessel of transformation for myself and the men and women that I will encounter.

1st full day of Training...

2008-06-09T21:44:00.000-07:00

This bench is located at West Point Military Academy close to Trophy Point. (That is all I can say without being snarkily sarcastic.)

Today my day began with a keynote by Dr. C. Melissa Snarr from Vanderbilt University.

As she was a very good presenter the main point of her message was simple:
"Social compassion is more important that efficiency." WOW! What a great inclusive understanding of what catholics are called to invest their lives in. This concept is so disconnected from our cultural understandings of productivity. So much in our society is based upon numbers, and the efficiency of factory production (whether it is a meat packing plant or a toy production company). This understanding of compassion calls into question very specifically our own interpretations of compassion. Is it compassionate for people of a certain faith persuasion? (As I am Roman Catholic woman, I generally approach and speak specifically from this tradition's perspective.) Dr. Snarr went on to say that with social compassion comes an understanding of the call to responsibility. There is an implicit-ingrained understanding that we as HUMANS have a moral obligation and responsibility to be compassionate to one another. It is not compassionate to engage in wage theft. It is not compassionate to be promoting a work schedule that does not embody the guidelines and regulations set up by the Department of Labor.

One aspect of this training that continues to call my own naivete into question is that these abuses take place in restaurants, and school/university cafeterias. These awareness call into question the practices at St. John's University. As I currently don't know who is providing the food services there, I cannot rightfully speak about any injustice. However, be certain that I will be finding this information out, and additionally noting who is providing these services at the University.

There is one member of those who are participating in the training who is agnostic, and that has continued to challenge my understanding of "Interfaith". Interestingly enough he will be leading our morning reflection tomorrow. I had several conversations with this man today, and would say that he embodies compassion, but I wonder, as he is from central Iowa, how does he encounter compassion?

How do you encounter compassion in your daily life? With others?

Preperations Have Begun

2008-06-05T20:45:00.001-07:00

The picture is of my sisters, Kati, Heidi, myself, and my brother Joel.
My life has been in a bit of an upheaval in the past week and a half. I am back visiting my parents in my hometown. It has been a good time. I spent the last week in New York gathered with my family to celebrate as my brother graduated from West Point Military Academy. (Note: I protested the commencement speech given by the Secretary of the Army by listening to my Ipod. The Indigo Girls raged in my ears with their “Despite our Differences” CD.) I find this to be one of the paradoxes in my life that I easily embrace. I struggle to live and embody peace, and peaceful choices, and come from a family that continues to embrace their own definitions in different ways than I do. I find that I can embrace these differences because we respect each other. I am so proud of my brother, and it was a truly moving experience to se the “long gray line”. Each of us siblings is so different, we have all chosen to participate in different fields of work, and yet each of these fields inherently finds its roots in service. That is a value that both of my parents have worked hard to instill into our daily living.

My week in New York:
Great food
Kayaked the Hudson River with my sister Kati at sunset!!! –Gorgeous!
Hiked a mountain in the Hudson River Valley with Joel!!!! - Gorgeous!
Fell down the mountain and sprained my ankle—Grace is still not my middle name!!!
Found out that I will NOT be going to Austin, Texas for the summer, rather, I will be in Phoenix, Arizona working with Ironworkers.
Went to the Broadway production of Spamalot! -Fantastic! (But no Jersey Boys!)
Had a great time with my sister Heidi and my common-law-brother-in-law Dominic!
My book came in for my ILP portion of the CPE experience.

I leave for my orientation training in Chicago on Sunday. Once there I will be posting twice a week, and will be doing one posting specifically on the practical happenings- the learning’s, and the second post will most likely focus on how I am internalizing this experience, and what this will mean to me.
Please pray for me, the other men and women taking part, and for those we will be working with and for.

Is home still home?

2008-05-27T11:35:00.000-07:00

I have been in Nebraska since Saturday. The state motto, which a friends’ husband is fond of reminding me is— Nebraska…Welcome to the Good Life. I have to say, after having been away from the state of my birth for the last two years, (minimal trips home- but the trips home were of length) there was great nostalgia driving me from Omaha to North Platte. The Great Plains that sweep through the entire state were incredibly green. One could even venture to use a word such as verdant, or lush. Nebraska had gotten rain over the last two days and there was minor flooding throughout the state. I was able to stop and visit my dear friend, Jose for a couple of hours. The time away from Nebraska from the family and friends that have been so formative in my years growing as a woman of faith has been challenging.
What happens to a person when the support system that has been forming for years is taken away? But not really taken away, so much as removed by choice. I chose to move away. I chose the location of Minnesota, and I chose to participate in a Master’s program lasting three years.
The last couple of days I feel that I have been a bit of a pain to my family and friends. I have been asking tons of provoking questions, and I feel that there is some frustration as I continue to question, and frame questions with words that have been used in my education for the last couple of years. I have come to a level of expectation about how deep my conversations should be, and the topics that the conversations cover are varied, generally about as varied as the people involved in the conversations. It would seem that my vocabulary has changed, and I have stepped outside the rhythm of the natural flow of my family as a result of my time away.
So, as a result I have to wonder then if others go through this adjustment of time and rhythm with their families? The measure of and value of adaptability I think are more than just great indicators of family. How much do family dynamics affect our continued growth? As we remain a part of our birth family, and grow older each year, how readily do our expectations change to note the change and formation in our selves?

Movin' On...

2008-05-22T06:24:00.000-07:00

I was thinking last night about the profound effect that moving can play in the lives of people. I am leaving Collegeville for the summer on Saturday morning. This will be the first time that I have left the state for longer than 3 weeks at a time. I will be gone all summer. It is an exciting time, and also a time that can potentially be filled with incredible learning. I continue to grow in my excitement for my CPE expereince. I am intrigued greatly by the union that I will be working for. I am anxious as well to learn as much as possible about the Austin area.

My Summer...

2008-05-10T15:23:00.000-07:00

I found out that I will be spending my summer in Austin, Texas (a place where I have never been) working with the SEIU organization. Wahooo!
Anyone been there? I would love to hear fun to see places and hear great stories!

Almost at the end...for this semester

2008-05-06T15:28:00.001-07:00

Picture: me, Fr. Allan Bouley,OSB, Laura Kelly Fanucci

My academic year is coming to an end, and that is bringing its own sense of relief, and anxiety as well. I remember when I began my program at St. John's University. I was so excited to begin the MDIV program. I had no idea what was coming up, and was ready to go! I had no idea that the men and women that I would meet are just phenomenal, and that they would become my deepest friends and biggest cheerleaders and advocates. It has not always been fun and easy, there have been trials that have certainly challenged me and I would not have made it through these times had it not been for these friends, their prayers, my family, and my place with in the community of believers and love in God.

I took my final for Fr. Allan Bouley, OSB. He is a fantastic instructor who was in Rome, Italy during the Second Vatican Council. He did a wonderful job of blending the historical elements of the council, the pastoral ideas, and the liturgical elements that we find within our church. Sometimes the Rites can be a bit confusing, but Fr. Allan did a great job of making sure that we knew the historical elements, and understood some reasons for how these Rites are best expressed within our church community.

I don't know yet where I will be placed for my summer internship-CPE experience. I am looking forward though to vacation in New York as my family gathers to celebrate my brother's graduation.

Have a great week, I will do better with my posting in the weeks to come.

The Trials and Tribulations of a Theologist...

2008-04-25T18:33:00.000-07:00

Yes, that is right- I said Theologist. My mouth was working faster than my brain yesterday in class and meant to say Theologian- but out came Theologist! Not my finest moment. C'est la vie.

I feel like I am in a bit of a standstill right now. I am anxiously awaiting and praying about where I will be sent this summer for my internship- and would have like to know yesterday. I have a friend who is involved in a painful situation right now which sends me back to revisit my own past. Yet, there seems to be a major difference in my response today, and what my response was a couple of years ago.

I would say that these situations and my own reactions allow for growth, and might even point to metaphorical allusions of spring--but snow is once again in the forecast for the weekend here in Minnesota. So forget it! I am boycotting until the sun is out once again- and Ican frolick once more in the wood by Lake Sagatagan...

2008-04-17T18:32:00.000-07:00

Today I gave the reflection at mid-day prayer. My post this week, is the reflection:
It is based on the pericope John 13:16-20.

“ I am telling you before it happens, so that when it happens you might believe.”

What does it mean to believe? This week, I would venture a guess that many students are believing that this week will never end, and yet, there still is not enough time before they submit their questions and answers for comps. Others believe that I will once again get sucked into the abyss of watching evangelists on television sometimes!

Is belief something like the snow that blanketed our world last week, that was thick, heavy, and quick to melt and saturate the earth with an abundance of moisture? Does belief cover and protect us with the intention of allowing for personal growth? Is the purpose of belief meant to give us time to put words around the metaphors that sometimes seem inadequate?

I decided to come up with a list of belief statements- see what you think, and if you can identify with any of the statements:

I believe very firmly that the 6 hour A &E version of Pride and Prejudice featuring Colin Firth is MUCH better than the 2 hour version!
I believe in the healing power of chocolate and tears.
I believe that the sun will rise tomorrow, after it has set today.
I believe that community relationship demands personal transformation.
I believe that in September Lake Sagatagan will begin to transform again.
I believe that coffee will continue to greet me every morning…when I remember to make it.
I believe …
I believe that my tax refund will not come as soon as I want it.
I believe that my parents will continue to tell me how proud of me they are regardless of how lost or overwhelmed I may feel.
I believe that my friends are the best in the world.
I believe that Harry Potter will over come Voldemort!
I believe …

Is it enough for me to say that I believe? Kathleen Norris, in her book Amazing Grace defines belief as “giving one’s heart to.” Who or to what have I given my heart to that illustrates my belief? I moved from Nebraska to Minnestoa because I believe so firmly in God, and what is being done in the name of God here in the School of Theology. The question then becomes: is reading, writing and studying theology everyday enough to elicit a claim of belief? What does belief lead us to with our work? How do our actions lead us? As a community of believers, dedicated to carrying out the Gospel mission could it really be as simple as:

We believe in God, the Father almighty,
creator of heaven and earth.

We believe in Jesus Christ, God's only Son, our Lord,
who was conceived by the Holy Spirit,
born of the Virgin Mary,
suffered under Pontius Pilate,
was crucified, died, and was buried;
he descended to the dead.
On the third day he rose again;
he ascended into heaven,
he is seated at the right hand of the Father,
and he will come again to judge the living and the dead.

We believe in the Holy Spirit,
the holy catholic church,
the communion of saints,
the forgiveness of sins,
the resurrection of the body,
and the life everlasting.
AMEN.

April's eventualities...

2008-04-11T19:18:00.000-07:00

Metanoia, change, conversion... what does change mean in my life? How do I experience change? I forget some times about what April signifies in my life. I have come to know so many great and wonderful people in my life. April I find is a time that I seem to be most open to forging new relationships, and also seem most willing to begin to negotiate the hard pace of saying goodbyes. Life will continue to change drastically-yet not uexpectedly however. Kristi, my roommate will graduate and find a fantastic job. Many of the people that I began the degree program with will be graduating as well, Nick, Nick, Jigga, Lauren, Timothy, Paul, Judy, just to name some. These people are all moving on to the next phase and beginning new endevors. It is certainly an exciting time. John Mark, is getting ready to graduate and move to Benini, Africa to begin working for the Peace Corp in July.

Metanoia, change, conversion, these words all bring about the reminder that we as children of God are called to bring about this change. Conversion is to be a part of our daily life. I saw great hope and conversion this week throughout the world as I saw people protesting the cruelties raged against the people of Tibet, and those without power in China. I find all of the protests incredibly inspiring. I find that when I sit back and refuse to allow myself to participate in the life around me, I get stifled, depressed, distracted. When I do participate, I am invigorated, energized, and ready to be the change I demand!

Enjoy the day- enjoy the thoughts- demand the change!

It's April right...not November?

2008-04-10T19:32:00.000-07:00

Ok- so Minnesota is in a winter storm warning watch, and the snow is pouring down, and there is also thunder and lightening. The last time I saw this kind of weather was my junior year of college- it was April 1st-Holy Thursday. I took my Shakespeare test that day, and my mentor Fr. Richard was looking over my shoulder as I answered a question incorrectly. He told me to change it and I did. I was mortified. Fr. Richard died that day very unexpectedly.

I think back to that day, and examine the weather around me and often think of the connection between life, and how weather can allude to the happenings of our life.

Christian hope...

2008-04-03T21:24:00.001-07:00

What does it mean to be a person of hope? Does hope affect my understanding of Christianity?

I am getting ready to lead a four week conversation (with another grad student)on the meaning of Christian hope. It will be a dialouge based on the papal encyclical Spe Salve (On Christian Hope). For those who don't know me, I tend to be a bit skeptical of our current Holy Father in Rome. I am still deciding how much i "dig" this encyclical. What I do appreciate is the conversations that I have had with others about hope.

It is easy and even a bit superficial to insist that we are "a people of Hope". I use the word superficial, because I am not really sure what that means...I need some more words around that. I know what I imply when I choose to say that I am a person of hope. I mean to imply that regardless of how wretched I feel, of the day that I have had, the sickness in my heart, the ailment of my body, I have been redeemed. I have been saved, I have known true love. Because I have known hope I have known love. Because I have recognized love, I have known hope.

I was telling a friend today that I was at Liturgy yesterday at the abbey, and when Fr. Dale (I think) was elevating the host at the consecration a thought popped into my head. I thought, "In order to truly experience love- true love, I have to be completely vulnerable. In that vulnerability is the insistence or need to prepare for great pain if the relationship does not work." But it is because we are naturally people of hope that we continue to engage and be in relationships (romantic and otherwise) with each other. We also should recognize the role that God plays in the dynamic of relationships with each other.

Hope...it is not just another four letter word.

Days Go By

2008-03-27T19:22:00.000-07:00

Days continue to move. I continue to be sick. Ick! What I have learned from this latest bout with illness is that I am not a good patient. I took a test this morning. One of the realizations that I have come to is how much I enjoy academia, and how inconvenient this illness has become. The test went well, and I think I did ok-in general. I was not able to go to my class this afternoon however.

I spent the afternoon sleeping and watching the movie Bury My Heart at Wounded Knee. I forgot until I was watching the movie how connected I feel to this tragedy in our nation's history. It is a great depiction from the side of the American Indian perspective. I feel that the great men of the Sioux Nation were fairly portrayed. Red Cloud and Sitting Bull were the two last "great" chiefs of this time.

After this post, I will be specifically addressing questions that I encounter from some reading in my classes.

Back Home

2008-03-25T18:37:00.000-07:00

So, I am back in C-Ville. Life is continuing to progress and move beyond the here and now. I was a bit miffed with my life right now. I have no fantastic story about what a fabulous time at Triduum or Easter Sunday because I WAS SICK!!! ARGH!

Things to know:
I love movies! I have to see this new one called: The Namesake. It is the story about a man who gets bogged down by his own life and cannot see past his own needs until it would seem that he has ruined his relationship with his family.

Right now I am getting ready to watch once, which has been on my list for a while. Havea great evening. Keep it peaceful!

What does this all mean?

2008-03-20T08:26:00.000-07:00

I am sitting in a coffee shop off Randolph Street in Chicago- close to the Lake and the Art Institute. There are all kinds of people that are moving in and out of this coffee shop enjoying a morning cup of coffee. I was thinking about how cool this atmosphere is, and at the same time how surreal. Does anybody work? Is everyone in school? Has our culture become so dependent on outside fuel(caffeine) for our bodies that business meetings, and deals are being brokered with a 16 oz. skinny mocha latte (make sure that it is fair trade-mine was direct trade...?).

I, myself was supposed to be meeting with my internship supervisor, but we had to cancel at the last minute. I have some basic questions, but more than anything I just wanted to meet a face associated with the program. As I am someone who is so decidedly relational, I have to have some face to put with a voice and name. I don't think that I would last long in corporate America.

Some questions/thoughts as I look at the reality of Holy Thursday:

*Today I celebrate the "traditional last supper" in the Christian tradition. I will be going to liturgy at some neighborhood parish in the south-side. I have always found this liturgy to be so moving, and intend to be moved today as well. I find it to be a profound experience when the Eucharist is moved from the tabernacle to a place of reservation, and then our church does not consecrate again until the Easter Vigil. What a statement!

*Bush is definitevely backing his position to have taken our nation into this war. What else could he do? Apologize to the families and friends of all those who have lost loved ones as a result of his greed? Probably not.
*Cheney doesn't care how many lives have been lost, and that 2/3 of Americans do not support or see any benefit to an American presence in Iraq.
*The war has lasted longer than the Civil War, WWI, and WWII. What a tragedy.

Please join me in a prayer for peace today.

Musings

2008-03-18T13:05:00.000-07:00

I decided to set up my blog while I was with my friend Jennifer at her home in Chicago. My internship is located in Chicago- but will take me someplace else for the majority of my summer. I am with Jennifer for our spring break/Holy Week. The time so far has been wonderful, and exciting. Coming from rural Nebraska I have to say that I am in love with public transit. This sign is posted right outside Millenium Park- and embodies the day I spent with Jennifer and Jim! It was a great day.